Life From a Gospel Perspective

Whether it's a bookmark or a quarter, God cares

2012-02-10T21:18:00.000-08:00

I can't go to bed without sharing this one.

A few days ago I got a package in the mail from my family that included a magnetic bookmark my brother brought home for me from Russia. I LOVED it the moment I saw it. I was so excited that I started using it immediately.

Tonight as I was getting on the elevator I went to move the bookmark from towards the end of the book back to mark my place. It was gone.

I wanted to cry (in fact, my eyes did tear up a bit . . .) and I had to call my brother, who I hadn't even had a chance to thank for the gift to let him know that while I really appreciated what he sent me, I no longer had it in my possession. I was crushed.

My brother was so, so nice about it. He told me he was sad for me, but that it was alright. He even had another one that was not so perfect for me, but that he could send me as a replacement. I asked him to tell me the English translation of the Russian words on the bookmark.

The literal translation: You are expensive in God's eyes. Or, in a little less literal terms, You are very valuable in the eyes of God.

I said a little prayer in my heart that went something like this: God, I know this is not a big deal, but if it's not a big deal for me to find it, can that happen? I'd really like it and it means so much that this is what my brother picked for me personally.

My assumption was that the bookmark fell out on the train. And I told myself I'd re-trace my steps in the morning and see if I could find it (I'm going back to the same place in the morning anyway.) As I thought about it, I realized that if there was any chance of finding it, the sooner I looked the better the chances were. Despite being dressed for bed, I decided to put shoes and my coat back on and at least go see if it had dropped between the train platform and my door. It had! I found it right by the turnstile I exited through earlier this evening.

This time I really teared up. I felt the truth of the words of J. Devn Cornish in a talk titled The Privilege of Prayer:

"In His mercy, the God of heaven, the Creator and Ruler of all things everywhere, had heard a prayer about a very minor thing. One might well ask why He would concern Himself with something so small. I am led to believe that our Heavenly Father loves us so much that the things that are important to us become important to Him, just because He loves us."

Here is his story that helped teach him that same lesson:

When I was a young resident physician at Boston Children’s Hospital, I worked long hours and traveled between the hospital and our home in Watertown, Massachusetts, mostly by bicycle since my wife and young family needed our car. One evening I was riding home after a long period in the hospital, feeling tired and hungry and at least a bit discouraged. I knew I needed to give my wife and four small children not only my time and energy when I got home but also a cheery attitude. I was, frankly, finding it hard to just keep pedaling.

My route would take me past a fried chicken shop, and I felt like I would be a lot less hungry and tired if I could pause for a piece of chicken on my way home. I knew they were running a sale on thighs or drumsticks for 29 cents each, but when I checked my wallet, all I had was one nickel. As I rode along, I told the Lord my situation and asked if, in His mercy, He could let me find a quarter on the side of the road. I told Him that I didn’t need this as a sign but that I would be really grateful if He felt to grant me this kind blessing.

I began watching the ground more intently but saw nothing. Trying to maintain a faith-filled but submissive attitude as I rode, I approached the store. Then, almost exactly across the street from the chicken place, I saw a quarter on the ground. With gratitude and relief, I picked it up, bought the chicken, savored every morsel, and rode happily home.

For me, that very minor thing was a bookmark, for J. Devn Cornish it was a quarter. Either way, I do know that God hears prayers, even about seemingly little things. I know that He wants us to be happy, and since little things can tip the scales one way or the other, it is no surprise to me that little things are important to Him. For that I am very, very grateful.

The Whole is the Sum of the Parts

2012-02-06T05:37:00.000-08:00

Peter Buffet talked about a concept in his book Life is What you Make of It that really resonated with me. He said that each of us must act as though our part is the most important part.

He was not saying that we should be egotistical or that we are more important than anyone else. Rather, he was teaching the same idea that Paul conveyed to the Corinthians:

14 For the body is not one member, but many.

15 If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?

16 And if the ear shall say, Because I am not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?

17 If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole were hearing, where were the smelling?

18 But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him.

19 And if they were all one member, where were the body?

20 But now are they many members, yet but one body.

21 And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you.

22 Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary:

1 Corinthians 12:14-22

I learned the same lesson while involved in theater and band in high school and college.

It's all about each part coming together. Without any one of those parts the entire presentation or production is not complete, whole, or perfect.

Said another way, if each part or person does not function optimally, the whole is sub-par. And when every part of person gives their absolute best, everyone is elevated.

26 And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.

1 Corinthians 12:26

Really a Question of Faith

2012-02-02T18:52:00.000-08:00

Many times I have thought to myself "I am so glad I live after the birth, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I feel it would be so much harder to believe in something that hadn't happened yet." I've been thinking a little more about that lately, and had some interesting realizations.

For one thing, I realized that there is no amount of physical evidence (be that a written record, or visiting Jerusalem or anything else) that can PROVE that Christ lived, died and rose from the dead. In that sense, the written or oral accounts of Christ and his role as Savior compiled before he lived on this earth, while he lived on this earth or after he was resurrected are not really that different. Accepting those accounts is a matter of faith. I can feel a confirmation of truth in my heart through the Holy Ghost just as easily as someone who lived hundreds of years before Christ was born could.

As I was reading from the Book of Mormon during my commute earlier this week, I came across a wonderful passage of scripture that expounds on this idea. There is a group of people who have recently been converted to the gospel of Jesus Christ and struggled to repent of all their sins and fully turn their lives over to God. They are about to be attacked by their enemies, and turn to their king to know what they should do. Here is part of what the king tells his people:

10 And I also thank my God, yea, my great God, that he hath granted unto us that we might repent of these things, and also that he hath forgiven us of those our many sins and murders which we have committed, and taken away the guilt from our hearts, through the merits of his Son.

11 And now behold, my brethren, since it has been all that we could do (as we were the most lost of all mankind) to repent of all our sins and the many murders which we have committed, and to get God to take them away from our hearts, for it was all we could do to repent sufficiently before God that he would take away our stain—

12 Now, my best beloved brethren, since God hath taken away our stains, and our swords have become bright, then let us stain our swords no more with the blood of our brethren.

13 Behold, I say unto you, Nay, let us retain our swords that they be not stained with the blood of our brethren; for perhaps, if we should stain our swords again they can no more be washed bright through the blood of the Son of our great God, which shall be shed for the atonement of our sins.

14 And the great God has had mercy on us, and made these things known unto us that we might not perish; yea, and he has made these things known unto us beforehand, because he loveth our souls as well as he loveth our children; therefore, in his mercy he doth visit us by his angels, that the plan of salvation might be made known unto us as well as unto future generations.

Alma 24:10-14

These verses reveal a deep commitment to the complete lifestyle change these individuals undertook. Their commitment was so deep that they would rather die than ever kill another human being. Verse 14 was especially striking to me - this king had complete faith that Christ would come to earth and perform the atonement. He knew that Christ's sacrifice would open the door to eternal life, contingent upon the choices of the individual and their willingness to repent. He also praises God for "[making] these things known to us beforehand, because he loveth our souls as well as he loveth our children."

There it is - one of the bedrocks of my faith - God loves ALL His children, yesterday, today and forever. He will make, and always has made, truth known to those that seek it. For all mankind in all generations of time, the question is whether we will exercise faith and seek that knowledge. 

Look Up!

2012-01-16T14:33:00.000-08:00

I think the challenge for all of us--but perhaps particularly for young adults--is to try not to look sideways to see how others are viewing our lives but to look up to see how Heavenly Father sees us. He doesn't look on the outward appearance but on the heart. And He knows, better than anyone else, what each of us needs.

- Elder Carl B. Cook, Look Up, Ensign January 2012

Boy do I know that challenge well. Lately, especially since I just started a new job, I have found myself almost constantly thinking about what the people around me are thinking about me. Concerned that I will not be viewed in as favorable light as I would like to be. Worried nearly sick that I am not putting forth enough effort or making a good enough impression.

Elder Cook introduced this idea of looking up in his address in the October General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. After a long day during his first week as a General Authority Elder Cook unexpectedly found himself in an elevator with Pres. Thomas S. Monson. As Pres. Monson entered the elevator, Elder Cook continued staring downheartedly at the floor of the elevator. Pres. Monson provided the following encouragement:

... he had seen my subdued countenance and my heavy briefcase. He smiled and lovingly suggested, while pointing heavenward, “It is better to look up!” As we traveled down one more level, he cheerfully explained that he was on his way to the temple. When he bid me farewell, his parting glance spoke again to my heart, “Now, remember, it is better to look up.”

Elder Cook then shares what he learned from this brief encounter with Pres. Monson and other events in his life:

Experience has taught me that if we, like President Monson, exercise our faith and look to God for help, we will not be overwhelmed with the burdens of life. We will not feel incapable of doing what we are called to do or need to do. We will be strengthened, and our lives will be filled with peace and joy. We will come to realize that most of what we worry about is not of eternal significance—and if it is, the Lord will help us. But we must have the faith to look up and the courage to follow His direction.

Right now in my own life, I feel a need to truly believe this principle and put it in action in my life. I can't agree more with something that Elder Cook said in an article entitled Look Up, in this months edition of the Ensign:

It's easy to get caught up in trying to please others, but we can't trust such external measurements; the world can be too quick both to praise and to criticize.

I think it is time for me to re-acquaint myself with my intrinsic value, and stop focusing so narrowly on what those around me right now think. The lyrics from a song my dad has always loved come to mind - especially the chorus:

The stars fall down from heaven
And scatter upon the earth
As strangers in a strange land
Forgetting their heavenly birth

Adrift and untethered they wander
Through kingdoms of darkness and light
Unschooled and unlearned they follow the tides
And many are lost in the night

Look up! Look up!
The stars in the heavens cry out!
Look up! Look up!
Your course does not lie
On the earth or the sea
It lies in the heavens above
Look up! Look up!

The prince of darkness covets
These glimmering sparks of light
And seeks to blind and bind them
With treasures that have no life

But blazing and bright is the Prince of the Light
Revealing the mystery--
Endowing the stars with His power and might
He shows them their destiny

Look up! Look up!
The stars in the heavens cry out!
Look up! Look up!
Your course does not lie
On the earth or the sea
It lies in the heavens above
Look up! Look up!

Rejoice! Rejoice!
Rejoice in the Prince of the Light!
Rejoice! Rejoice!
For stars that were fading now shine like the Son
Reflecting the light of His love
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Look up!

Look Up! Words & Music by Steven Kapp Perry

Knowing is Not Doing

2012-01-13T18:59:00.000-08:00

Reading is one of my favorite past times. I love getting lost in a good story and leaving reality for a while. I love expanding my mind with new ideas. I love thinking about how things connect.

Recently my roommate loaned me "The Help" by Kathryn Stockett. Amazing. Very well written novel on a tough subject that made me think. A lot.

In her afterword Stockett says there is one line she truly prizes:

Wasn't that the point of the book? For women to realize, We are just two people. Not that much separates us. Not nearly as much as I'd though.

This part stuck out to me too, and I like it even better with a little context around it:

I watch Lou Anne slip away in the parking lot, thinking, There is so much you don't know about a person." I wonder if I could've made her days a little bit easier, if I'd tried. If I'd treated her a little nicer. Wasn't that the point of the book? For women to realize, We are just two people. Not that much separates us. Not nearly as much as I'd thought.

But Lou Anne, she understood the point of the book before she ever read it. The one who was missing the point this time was me.

The irony, and relation to reality, struck me. A character in a book who went out of her way and risked a lot to prove a point - that people are just people, that we don't know people's stories till we ask - failed to see the application with someone she knew well and had interacted with regularly. How often do I do that? How often do I fall into that same trap?

It is a fact of life - "what we know is not always reflected in what we do" (to borrow the words of David A. Bednar.) But, we can work each day to understand the stories of the people around us a little more. And, we can be honest and brave enough to acknowledge and learn from situations where what we know was not reflected in what we did.

Storm Cloud or Silver Lining?

2012-01-08T18:52:00.000-08:00

If there is one thing that is constant about life, it is change. I know this. That doesn't mean I always like it.

Over the past couple weeks I've been thinking about change and over the past couple of days everything I hear or read or sing seems to relate to my thoughts and feelings. Specifically I have been reminded of the role of my choices - particularly the role of how I choose to perceive things.

Lyrics from two songs:

"Even perfect days can end in rain."

"Roses and thorns grow together
Even rainbows follow bad weather."

Quote from Remember the Titans:
"Sometimes life is just hard for no reason at all."

My experiences have taught me that almost anything can be seen as a stumbling block or a stepping stone. We can choose to look at thorns or roses, we can focus on the rain or be grateful for the possibility of a rainbow when it stops; we can see a grey storm cloud or hunt for the silver lining.

"Anywhere is paradise; it's up to you." -Anonymous

As I have prayed and pondered, seeking peace in quiet moments has become very important to me. A repeated line from one of my favorite hymns kept coming to mind: "Be still, my soul." Well, today we sang it in Church. There are a few lines here and there from the song that really pull all of this together and express my faith in the future and God ability to help me thorough anything:

"Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to they God to order and provide;
In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.
...
Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
...
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last."

Guiding Ideas

2011-12-29T05:08:00.001-08:00

Recently someone asked me about "principles" or sayings that I live by. I didn't really have a good answer in the moment, but I have been pondering on this, and came up with a handful.

Do unto others as you would have others do unto you
Do small things greatly
Be happy now
Fake it till you make it
Everyone is a child of God and should be treated as such
I can do anything, but not everything

This made me curious . . . what are some of yours? Do share!

God Bless Us, Every One!

2011-12-25T20:44:00.000-08:00

“God bless Us, Every One!”

The infamous words of Tiny Tim that inspire me and help provide aguide for how I want to live my life, especially at Christmas. It has been awhile since I actually read A Christmas Carol and I decided that I needed tothis year. I’m so glad I did.

There were a few passages that particularly stuck out to me –

“. . . there is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious aslaughter and good-humour.”

I have found this to be so true in my life. It is my goal to findgreat pleasure in small things and endeavor to share that happiness with thosearound me. I know I am always so grateful for people around me who providethose moments of joy through laughter.

"A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to the old man, whateverhe is!" said Scrooge's nephew. "He wouldn't take it from me, but mayhe have it, nevertheless."

What a wonderful example! Scrooge does nothing to “deserve” thewell-wishes of his nephew and yet his nephew extends them anyway. This willcontinue to go on my “to work on” list. Just another version of the goldenrule, right?

"They are Man's," said the Spirit, looking down upon them."And they cling to me, appealing from their fathers. This boy isIgnorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, butmost of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom,unless the writing be erased. Deny it!" cried the Spirit, stretching outits hand towards the city. "Slander those who tell it ye! Admit it foryour factious purposes, and make it worse. And bide the end!" "Have they no refuge or resource?"cried Scrooge. "Are there noprisons?" said the Spirit, turning on him for the last time with his ownwords. "Are there no workhouses?"

As I read these words I realized that even if I don’t outwardlyprofess the kind of attitude that Scrooge did, I might do so in deed. It mademe stop and think about the way I look at, talk to, talk about, think about andact toward those around me.

"Ghost of the Future!" he exclaimed, "I fear youmore than any spectre I have seen. But as I know your purpose is to do me good,and as I hope to live to be another man from what I was, I am prepared to bearyou company, and do it with a thankful heart. Will you not speak to me?"
. . .
“Scrooge was at first inclined to be surprised that the Spirit shouldattach importance to conversations apparently so trivial; but feeling assuredthat they must have some hidden purpose, he set himself to consider what it waslikely to be.”

What a change, and what an example. It can be very difficult torecognize when someone is trying to do us good, especially when we feeluncomfortable or do not understand where they are going with their efforts. Butwhat a great attitude. Not only does Scrooge recognize the intent of thisspirit, he also vows to endure the discomfort he feels with a thankful heart.

“Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all, and infinitely more;and to Tiny Tim, who did NOT die, he was a second father. He became as good afriend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old city knew, or anyother good old city, town, or borough, in the good old world. Some peoplelaughed to see the alteration in him, but he let them laugh, and little heededthem; for he was wise enough to know that nothing ever happened on this globe,for good, at which some people did not have their fill of laughter in theoutset; and knowing that such as these would be blind anyway, he thought itquite as well that they should wrinkle up their eyes in grins, as have themalady in less attractive forms. His own heart laughed: and that was quiteenough for him. He had no furtherintercourse with Spirits, but lived upon the Total Abstinence Principle, everafterwards; and it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmaswell, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us,and all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless Us, Every One!”

This is my wish on this Christmas day – that we may all be blessed tofeel the love of God.

So Much to be Thankful for

2011-12-20T19:14:00.000-08:00

I love this time of year - I love the music. I love the weather turning cold. I love spending time with family and friends. I love being able to take a step back and remember what is important in life.

This morning as I was getting ready for work I was listening to some Christmas songs and the following lyrics really touched my heart:

Somedays we forget
To look around us
Somedays we can't see
The joy that surrounds us
So caught up inside ourselves
We take when we should give.

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be.
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see.
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.

Thankful, Josh Grobin

I was especially drawn to the line "And even though we all can still do more/There's so much to be thankful for."

Life isn't perfect. And there really is so much more I could do on any given day or in any given moment, but I also know that there really is so, so much to be grateful for.

May each of you have a Christmas Season full of the love of God and gratitude.

Willing to Stand Alone

2011-12-18T19:37:00.000-08:00

Having recently started a new job I am still getting to know the people I work with and they are still getting to know me. This kind of situation often leads to interesting encounters for me. A couple colleagues and I were headed to our team Holiday party and my supervisor told me I had earned every last drink I'd have that night. I laughed and said, "I should just make sure you know this now - I don't actually drink."

"That's okay - you are not the only one, so don't worry!" was her quick reply.

The funny thing is it never crossed my mind that I should be worried about not drinking. And I didn't feel like I needed someone else to not drink with me in order to feel comfortable.

At the bar I started talking to another girl who I've had a few conversations with, including telling her I am from Utah. It turns out she is roommates with a girl I go to Church with. Her statement to me: "You know you're not the only Mormon who works here, right?" I had no idea, but it warmed my heart to know, and I started planning on going and talking to this colleague the next day and felt an immediate bond with her.

That experience made me think of a story that President Thomas S. Monson shared in General Conference back in October. And made me grateful to see in a concrete example that I am willing to stand alone if I need to, and a reminder of how helpful it is to not have to stand alone all the time.

Enjoy the excerpt from President Monson's talk Dare to Stand Alone:

I believe my first experience in having the courage of my convictions took place when I served in the United States Navy near the end of World War II.

Navy boot camp was not an easy experience for me, nor for anyone who endured it. For the first three weeks I was convinced my life was in jeopardy. The navy wasn’t trying to train me; it was trying to kill me.

I shall ever remember when Sunday rolled around after the first week. We received welcome news from the chief petty officer. Standing at attention on the drill ground in a brisk California breeze, we heard his command: “Today everybody goes to church—everybody, that is, except for me. I am going to relax!” Then he shouted, “All of you Catholics, you meet in Camp Decatur—and don’t come back until three o’clock. Forward, march!” A rather sizeable contingent moved out. Then he barked out his next command: “Those of you who are Jewish, you meet in Camp Henry—and don’t come back until three o’clock. Forward, march!” A somewhat smaller contingent marched out. Then he said, “The rest of you Protestants, you meet in the theaters at Camp Farragut—and don’t come back until three o’clock. Forward, march!”

Instantly there flashed through my mind the thought, “Monson, you are not a Catholic; you are not a Jew; you are not a Protestant. You are a Mormon, so you just stand here!” I can assure you that I felt completely alone. Courageous and determined, yes—but alone.

And then I heard the sweetest words I ever heard that chief petty officer utter. He looked in my direction and asked, “And just what do you guys call yourselves?” Until that very moment I had not realized that anyone was standing beside me or behind me on the drill ground. Almost in unison, each of us replied, “Mormons!” It is difficult to describe the joy that filled my heart as I turned around and saw a handful of other sailors.

The chief petty officer scratched his head in an expression of puzzlement but finally said, “Well, you guys go find somewhere to meet. And don’t come back until three o’clock. Forward, march!”

As we marched away, I thought of the words of a rhyme I had learned in Primary years before:

             
Dare to be a Mormon;          
            Dare to stand alone.          
            Dare to have a purpose firm;          
            Dare to make it known.          

Although the experience turned out differently from what I had expected, I had been willing to stand alone, had such been necessary.

Post Thanksgiving Gratitude

2011-12-12T20:31:00.000-08:00

I've been meaning to write an "I'm grateful for" post since before Thanksgiving. This morning I was reading in the Ensign and was inspired by the challenge to list 100 things I'm grateful for:

Physical Abilities:
1. Being able to walk and run and play
2. Being able to see
3. Being able to smile
4. Hearing beautiful sounds
5. Breathing in and out
6. The ability to touch - textures
7. Being able to stand up without using my hands
8. The capacity to think
9. The ability to taste
10. The ability to smell

Material Possessions
1. All my books
2. My scriptures
3. Food
4. My computer
5. My bed
6. A large variety of clothing
7. Mementos from my childhood
8. Journals starting from when I was 8
9. Photos
10. Cell phone

Living People (only 10 is not fair!)
1. My mom
2. My dad
3. Anthony
4. Craig
5. Jacob
6. Fanja
7. Janna
8. Oscar
9. David
10. Ben

Deceased People
1. Amelia
2. Joseph Smith
3. Abraham Lincoln
4. Gordon B. Hinckley
5. Moroni
6. The unknown soldier
7. Wilber Wilberforce
8. George Washington
9. Rosa Parks
10. Eve

Things about Nature
1. Waterfalls
2. Rivers
3. Mountains
4. Wild flowers
5. Brooks
6. Stary nights
7. The Grand Canyon
8. Camping
9. Fields of Sunflowers
10. The sun

Things about Today
1. Having a job
2. FHE
3. A chance to clean up my room a bit
4. Generosity of people around me
5. Hanging Christmas lights in my room
6. Writing cards to people I love
7. Reading from the Ensign on the train
8. Realizing that my life is rich and full
9. Holding hands
10. The wonder of modern technology

Places on Earth
1. Utah
2. My home
3. Hawaii
4. London
5. Boston
6. The Temple
7. NYC
8. Buena Vista
9. Los Gatos
10. Virginia

Modern Inventions
1. Phones
2. Pens
3. Computers
4. The Internet
5. Airplanes
6. Printers
7. Cameras
8. Ovens
9. Microwaves
10. Electric lights

Foods
1. Bread
2. Muffins
3. Spinach
4. Broccoli
5. Crackers
6. Cheese
7. Sour Cream
8. Hummus
9. Black beans
10. Chicken

Things about the Gospel
1. The perspective
2. The power to change lives
3. The inspiration to become something more than I am
4. The knowledge that I am a daughter of God
5. The chance to speak to God through prayer
6. Access to the Atonement of Jesus Christ
7. Modern day revelation
8. Access to the Temple
9. The example of Jesus Christ through the scriptures
10. Peace

As they said at the end of the article - writing this list has reminded me that these 100 things "doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of all the things God has given us." I love taking time to think about what I am grateful for - to count my blessings. It never fails to warm my heart and turn it a little more to God and make me want to share what I have with others and help them feel that same love and depth of gratitude that grows as it is contemplated and shared.

Wobbling Blocks

2011-12-05T15:15:00.000-08:00

Today I was visiting a school and spent some time in a roomwatching kindergarteners build with blocks.

Picture this: a bunch of cylinders with smaller trianglesand half circles precariously balanced on top.

I watched one little girl in this very situation and longedto approach life more like her.

Now picture this: a little girl reaches to add some blocksto the wonderful array already set up. She knocks over a cylinder with atriangle on top.

What would my reaction be? Honestly, I’d probably be sad orat least self-conscious. I would wonder if anyone saw. I would want to fix the“mistake” I made as quickly as possible.

What did this little girl do? She finished placing the newblocks. Then she swiftly picked up the cylinder and the triangle placing thecylinder upright with the triangle on top. Before it even stopped rocking fromher movement she was on to bigger and better things: adding even more blocks tothe ever growing structure.

That was the moment I really started paying attention. I sawthose blocks wobbling and thought – someone should steady those blocks! Irealized that if I were that little girl I would not have moved on until I knewthe blocks were in place and would not tip over again.

But, I think her approach was far healthier than mine wouldhave been. Because really, what’s the worst thing that would have happened? Theblocks could have fallen again. And she would have picked them up again.

Lesson learned: I’d be better off letting things wobble alittle from time to time. Most of the time things will gently rock themselvesinto place. When they don’t then I can worry about it, or have the properperspective to know it really isn’t a big deal.

Yay for learning from young children. It makes my hearthappy :)

"Or all was lost"

2011-12-03T21:00:00.001-08:00

I've been re-memorizing The Living Christ. As I read the last line of the Sacrament hymn #175 O God, the Eternal Father, something clicked for me. It says: "And die, or all was lost"

In The Living Christ there is a part where they talk about the sacrament andpair that with Christ's betrayal and death: "He instituted the sacrament as a reminder of his great atoning sacrifice. He wasarrested on spurious charges, convicted to satisfy a mob and sentenced to die on Calvary's cross." Why do they pair those? I've been wondering that over the past few weeks.

The reality is, all would havebeen lost if Christ did not complete the Atonement, which included great suffering, betrayal and death - all terrible things. I am tempted to think all is lost when I'm going through hard/terrible things. But, in reality we may be saved from having all be lost as we are asked to go through hard/terrible things. We always have the example and support of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. We are always able to utilize the atonement and find the peace and courage to change thought patterns.

Words of Wisdom from my Teenage Self

2011-11-03T07:08:00.000-07:00

Awhile back my parents drove across the country bringing me everything I own that had been stored at their house. Inside my hope chest I uncovered my old journals and decided to re-read them. A few nights ago I came across a great entry I just want to share:

March 11th, 2004

My band teacher said something very profound today. He's said this before. But this was the first time I really thought about it. He said "It's not about the individual, it's about the ensemble." Now, in order for the ensemble to do well every individual has to prepare and do their part, but then they have to look out for the group and not just themselves. I think this world would not be so hard to live in if people would do this. I hope that I'm willing to give my best and be happy when the group does well, even if I don't get any credit or recognition. I think almost every aspect of my life would improve if I implemented this theory - because I would constantly be improving myself and overcoming pride, jealousy and selfishness at the same time.

Truth. I'm impressed with my high school self. I still think the world would be a better place if more people thought less about themselves and more about creating beautiful dynamics with those around them. Looks like I have a renewed to be goal :)

Smile

2011-10-11T17:24:00.000-07:00

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” - Thich Nhat Hanh

To me, this sounds like a positive version of "Fake it till yo u make it." I like it. A lot.

I would say I have a ready smile. I would also say that my smile usually reflects feelings of joy. And I admit that my ready smile has been a little less ready of late. So, I'm going to give this philosophy a test.

Can putting a smile on my face, even if I don't feel joy inside, bring me joy? We shall see!

Only Two Choices?

2011-10-07T14:17:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm reading a book called The Moral Sense by James Q. Wilson. It is fascinating. In his final chapter he talks some about how we identify and "measure" pleasure. He implies that there is some other standard or measure besides just pleasure by which which we judge and evaluate the actions we take in search of pleasure:

". . . saying one pleasure is better than another implies the existence of some standard other than pleasure by which to judge things. This is obvious to anyone who has sought pleasure in the reckless satisfaction of the bodily appetites only to discover that differences in the quality of pleasures affect our chances of finding true happiness. Among the higher pleasures are the satisfactions that come from honor, sympathy, and self-respect."

I love the way he contrasts lasting joy with fleeting fun.

As I read this section of the book, I was reminded of some counsel that was shared this past weekend in the General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Elder Randall K. Bennett shared a story about his grand-daughter who is learning about what it means to make choices:

"Our grandchildren are learning that when they make a choice, they also choose its consequences. Recently one of our three-year-old granddaughters refused to eat her dinner. Her mother explained, “It’s almost bedtime. If you choose to eat dinner, you are choosing ice cream for dessert. If you choose not to eat dinner, you are choosing to go to bed now, without ice cream.” Our granddaughter considered her two choices and then stated emphatically, “I want this choice—to play and eat only ice cream and not go to bed.”

He follows up that humorous story with some profound insight:

"Brothers and sisters, do we wish we could play, eat only ice cream, never go to bed, and somehow avoid consequences like malnutrition and exhaustion?

In reality we have only two eternal choices, each with eternal consequences: choose to follow the Savior of the world and thus choose eternal life with our Heavenly Father or choose to follow the world and thus choose to separate ourselves from Heavenly Father eternally.

We cannot successfully choose both the safety of righteousness and the dangers of worldliness"
- Choose Eternal Life

The same idea is conveyed by an ancient prophet named Lehi at the beginning of the Book of Mormon:

"Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself." - 2 Nephi 2:27

Lehi then encourages his sons to make wise choices and warns them of the consequences of poor choices:

"And now, my sons, I would that ye should look to the great Mediator, and hearken unto his great commandments; and be faithful unto his words, and choose eternal life, according to the will of his Holy Spirit;

And not choose eternal death, according to the will of the flesh and the evil which is therein, which giveth the spirit of the devil power to captivate, to bring you down to hell, that he may reign over you in his own kingdom." - 2 Nephi 2:28-29

I thought about these words from Elder Bennett and Lehi in part because of some other thoughts that James Q. Wilson shared about the effects of choice: 

"Drug abuse, street crime, and political corruption are the expression of unfettered choices."

I am grateful for the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints about agency (our God given right to choose) and about the consequences of our choices, now and in the future. I am grateful for parents who taught me that my actions do not only effect me, that they also impact those around me. I am grateful to know the benefits of putting aside personal, immediate pleasure in favor of long-term happiness and benefit to myself and those around me.

I know that Wilson was right when he said, "The kind of culture that can maintain reasonable human commitments takes centuries to create but only a few generations to destroy. And once destroyed, those who suddenly realize what they have lost will also realize that political action cannot, except at a very great price, restore it." I hope that too many individuals will not give way to 'unfettered choices' in their lives. I hope that people will choose societal stability and long-term personal happiness over the third choice - "to play and eat only ice cream and not go to bed".

The Lines on My Face

2011-09-27T10:27:00.000-07:00

I've probably heard the song 'Who Says You Can't Go Home' a hundred times before. This time when I heard it on the radio one section jumped out at me:

I went as far as I could tryin to find a new face
There isn't one of these lines that I would erase
Ileft a million miles of memories on that road
Every step I take I know that I'm not alone

Bon Jovi/Sugarland

Two memories came to mind: First, when I was in high school I performed in a production of The Sting. I played the narrator who is approximately 60 years old. One night I was sitting in a chair in front of the woman putting on my old woman makeup. She told me to scrunch my forehead. I did. "You sure have a lot of lines" she said. I didn't know how to respond, and my eyebrows were already raised, so I just did nothing. Maybe a minute later she says, "Oh, I meant you have a lot of lines in the play!" Which I did, but I also have quite a few lines on my forehead when I scrunch it up.

Second, I remember sitting in my Grandma Smith's kitchen making cookies (soft gingersnaps - so good!) preparing for a fishing trip we were taking with Grandpa Smith the next morning. I was probably 10 years old. I noticed that she has a lot of lines all over her face. Honestly at this point I don't remember if she called them smile crinkles or if I did. But, the point is, I remember thinking "I'm going to be proud of my 'smile crinkles' someday - they will tell the story of the life I've lived and the joy I've felt."

I still feel that way - and echo Bon Jovi's sentiment: There isn't one of these lines that I would erase."

Balance: Faith vs. Works

2011-09-25T19:42:00.000-07:00

The concept of balance is something that fascinates me. So often I find myself coming to the conclusion that almost everything comes back to balance. My roommate gave me a copy of a talk that Bruce R. McConkie gave at Brigham Young University (Agency or Inspiration--Which? on 27 Feb 1973) and the idea of balance struck me again.

And so we're faced with two propositions. One is that we ought to be guided by the spirit of inspiration, the spirit of revelation. The other that we're here under a direction to use our agency, to determine what we ought to do on our own; and we need to strike a fine balance between these two, if we're going to pursue a course that will give us joy and satisfaction and peace in this life and lead to eternal reward in our Father's kingdom.

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I believe we lived in Heaven with God before we came to this earth. He presented a plan to us where we could come to earth, receive a mortal body, be given the gift of agency, and - contingent on our choices in this life - be able to return and live with Him again after this life. I believe that God answers our prayers, and that He will lead and guide us as we seek His direction in our lives. I also have been taught that if we have to be commanded (or receive direction) in all things we are slothful servants - instead we should be engaged in many good things of our own free will (see Doc & Cov 58:26-27).

There is a phrase I have heard many times, and I think expresses some of the balance we need to seek:

Pray like everything depends on God; Then go work like everything depends on you.

(I tried to find out who said this, and I found it attributed to John Wesley, Martin Luther, and St. Augustine - and several people who suggest we should also work like it depends on God)

I think it takes faith both to ask God for help and to get off our knees and start working toward the items we ask God for help with.

We can't just ask. We can't just work hard and do it on our own. To be more clear - we are most likely to find true success and joy in our lives if we turn to God in faith AND strive to do all in our power to accomplish our goals. In the words of Bruce R. McConkie:

. . . implicit in asking in faith is the precedent requirement that we do everything in our power to accomplish the goal we seek. We use the agency with which we have been endowed. We use every faculty and capacity and ability that we possess to bring about the eventuality that may be involved.

It has been my experience that true faith in Christ leads me to action (works) and that as I do all in my power trusting that God will help me (and sometimes that means He helps me see why I can't have, or actually don't want, what I thought I did) I see His hand in my life - and as I recognize His hand in my life, my faith is strengthened.

Most of the time I don't feel like I have balance in my life - but, I am so very grateful for the chance I have to seek balance and for the direction and guidance that the principles and teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ provide as I push forward in my quest.

Strength from God

2011-09-18T20:11:00.000-07:00

I've been reading the Book of Mormon looking for examples of how the Lord strengthens people or examples where someone does something in the strength of the Lord. This has been a neat experience, and I wanted to share something I recently learned reading with this lens.

In the Book of Mormon, there is a considerable amount of history recounted that has to do with wars being fought between two peoples - the Nephites (generally speaking, the good guys) and the Lamanites (generally speaking, the bad guys). In the 58th chapter of the book of Alma the people of Nephi are seeking to protect themselves from the people of Nephi.

10 Therefore we did pour out our souls in prayer to God, that he would strengthen us and deliver us out of the hands of our enemies, yea, and also give us strength that we might retain our cities, and our lands, and our possessions, for the support of our people. (Alma 58:10)

What really struck me in this verse was that the people had to pour out their souls pleading for God to give them strength.

Then I read on:

11 Yea, and it came to pass that the Lord our God did visit us with assurances that he would deliver us; yea, insomuch that he did speak peace to our souls, and did grant unto us great faith, and did cause us that we should hope for our deliverance in him.(Alma 58:11)

So often the strength the Lord grants unto us is "peace to our souls" and "great faith" that allows us to hope. I truly feel that peace is a source of strength from the Lord, and I want to express gratitude for the peace that God has granted unto me.

Fear

2011-09-15T14:20:00.000-07:00

"What am I going to do? I need a job!"

My mind was full of fear and those thoughts as I laid in bed trying to force my body to fall asleep (still adjusting to being back in my time zone . . .)

"Heavenly Father, I know that thou art aware of me, and I believe that everything will work out."

As I turned to God in prayer, I felt a great sense of peace wash over me. My mind was calmed. I again felt that everything would be okay. I was also reminded that someone recently counseled me to hand my fears over to God and let my faith push out my fear.

How grateful I am that is possible - and that I got to experience it again last night!

In the words of President Thomas S. Monson: “My beloved brothers and sisters, fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith.” (PS the whole article this was quoted in is worth a read)

Learning about myself

2011-09-05T14:17:00.000-07:00

I love to do jigsaw puzzles. I've pretty much always loved them, and I'm pretty good at them. In fact, when we got to decide on a class group activity in first-grade I decided to bring puzzles. One of the reasons I like puzzles is because they are a challenge, can involve many people, but are not inherently competitive in nature. There are no individual winners - every one can work together towards a desired end.

The quote of the day on my to-do list the other day made me realize another reason I like puzzles:

"A good puzzle, it's a fair thing. Nobody is lying. It's very clear, and the problem depends just on you." - Erno Rubik

That last phrase: "the problem depends just on you."

I don't think I have realized how deeply I desire to take care of things on my own. I think being self-sufficient is a good goal. I also think it can be carried to an unhealthy extreme. Time to do some pondering about where on that spectrum I am right now :)

The Stripling Warriors Sisters

2011-08-29T15:00:00.000-07:00

I grew up hearing stories about how amazing "the stripling warriors" were. These were young men who fought courageously to defend their country and to keep their fathers from breaking an oath they made to never to take up arms against another human being.

They really were amazing individuals, and I'm glad I heard their stories. Check this out:

47 Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.
48 And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it.
Alma 56:47-48

When I was in college, I got to thinking - why don't we know anything about the sisters of these incredible young men? Surely they had to be incredible people too, right?

On a plane to or from my parents home and college I was thinking about those wonderful young women and I wrote the following poem:

I was the sister of a stripling warrior -
His mother was my mother,
What she taught him, she taught me too.
The things he came to know, I too know.
He did not doubt the Lord, nor did I
Our faith won us battles,
His in war, mine at home -
And both in life.

Recently a former professor of mine shared an address about honor he gave to the incoming freshman class of 2015 at my undergraduate institution. His reasons for living an honorable life sum up how I feel about this topic:

I live an honorable life when I remember that my life is not my own. I live an honorable life when I embrace the gifts and acknowledge the sacrifices of those who came before me: gifts and sacrifices that made possible all that is good in my life. What I do with these gifts, what I do with my life, reflects on these gift givers.

I am grateful for the lives of the stripling warriors - and their sisters - and for the fact that the experiences of the stripling warriors were recorded so I can learn from them, and seek to honor them by how I live my life now.

Focus on the soda not the can

2011-08-23T14:13:00.000-07:00

If you said I had a slight obsession with Andy Grammer I wouldn't contradict you. I am a sucker for thought provoking lyrics and catchy tunes. I think Andy Grammer does both well.

In his song "Numbers" he talks about our tendency to focus on outward appearance

Only talk to people who we think we might be kissin'
That's a lot of ideas to be dismissing

And the tragedy behind thinking about people in terms of their outward appearance

The value of personality seems to be dead

He doesn't claim to not fall into this trap - admitting that his "calculators' way over used" both in how he thinks about himself and in how he views those around him.

The thing that really caught my attention is his final line:

I need a formula or some sort of plan to focus on the soda not the can

I've heard that concept before:

. . . the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7

The analogy of the soda and the can is a great one - really, it doesn't matter what packaging something is in, it doesn't change the properties of what is inside. I also really like the idea that we can create a new formula or a plan for our self making it easier to get to the heart rather than staying caught up by the can.

Hope

2011-08-13T07:28:00.000-07:00

Someone recently told me that I am full of hope. This got me thinking about what I should hope for. I believe that my hope should be in and through Christ, but what exactly should I hope for?

I turned to the scriptures and found the following answers:

1. Mercy, through the Atonement of Christ (see Psalms 33:22)
2. Peace and comfort (see Psalms 42:11)
3. Salvation, or rewards in the life to come (see Proverbs 14:32)
4. Positive change in others (see Proverbs 19:18)
5. Eternal life (see Titus 1:2)
6. A better world (see Ether 12:4)
7. The ability to endure all things (see Article of Faith 13)

I do firmly believe that things will work out. Even if things get crazy, or hard or crazy hard. Even if there is pain and uncertainty and life doesn't go how we hoped it would. I believe a loving Heavenly Father has my best interests in mind and knows what I need to learn and grow and to ultimately be happy.

Especially in times of transition or uncertainty in my life, I find myself talking with people about how I know things will work out - the only questions are when, and what will happen between now and then. So I choose to have hope. I choose to give thanks that I am given opportunities to grow and be stretched - "all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good" (Doctrine and Covenants 122:7)

This I know!

Perspective

2011-08-07T16:01:00.000-07:00

God only asks that each of us do the best we can. For Christ, that was living a perfect life and atoning for the sins of all mankind. For the rest of us, it is seeking to repent each time we fall and ensuring that Christ's Atonement was not for naught.

As someone at Church put it today: Someday we will be able to be perfect all on our own, but for now we have the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

Beautiful!

I'm listening to what?

2011-08-04T06:43:00.000-07:00

So I love, love, love music. I have a pretty eclectic taste in songs/artists. I'm particularly a sucker for lyrics I can relate to or that speak truth to my soul.

The other day I was listening to the radio and suddenly really heard some lyrics and had to pause to ask myself what I was actually listening to:

Tonight I will love love you tonight
Give me everything tonight
For all we know we might not get tomorrow

"Give Me Everything" by Pitbull, Ne-Yo, Nayer and Afrojack

Seriously? It hit me that this song perpetuates an "eat, drink and be merry" philosophy. A philosophy that really I can not support.

The Book of Mormon talks about this very mindset:

7 Yea, and there shall be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die; and it shall be well with us.
8 And there shall also be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry; nevertheless, fear God—he will justify in committing a little sin; yea, lie a little, take the advantage of one because of his words, dig a pit for thy neighbor; there is no harm in this; and do all these things, for tomorrow we die; and if it so be that we are guilty, God will beat us with a few stripes, and at last we shall be saved in the kingdom of God.
2 Nephi 28: 7-8

The thing is, it's true - we might not get tomorrow. However, it doesn't follow then that we can or should use that to justify doing anything, especially something we know is not appropriate or in the best interest of ourselves and those around us.

Jesus Christ taught about this in a parable about a rich man:

17 And he thought within himself, saying, What shall I do, because I have no room where to bestow my fruits?
18 And he said, This will I do: I will pull down my barns, and build greater; and there will I bestow all my fruits and my goods.
19 And I will say to my soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry.
20 But God said unto him, Thou fool, this night thy soul shall be required of thee: then whose shall those things be, which thou hast provided?
21 So is he that layeth up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.
Luke 12: 17-21

I know that death is not the end. I know that God loves His children and wants them to make good, righteous choices so they can live with Him again after this life. I want to be more aware of when I am choosing to surround myself in an "eat, drink and be merry" atmosphere so I can fight it and make wiser choices.

A few thoughts . . .

2011-07-31T15:29:00.001-07:00

I was flipping through a notebook that I use to write insights in while I'm reading my scriptures on public transit. As I read the passage below, I realized I really needed to remember that lesson or thought that I had, so I decided to share it . . .

Dwelling only on how far we've got to go and what we've done wrong while ignoring what we have done right and improvements we have made is like focusing only on what we don't have and not being grateful for what we do have.

Man, sometimes I am surprised by things that I have thought and recorded. But boy am I glad that I do think them, and do record them!

I'm also reminded of some words from Elder Neil A Maxwell:

"The first thing to be said of this feeling of inadequacy is that it is normal. There is no way the Church can honestly describe where we must yet go and what we must yet do without creating a sense of immense distance. Following celestial road signs while in telestial traffic jams is not easy, especially when we are not just moving next door—or even across town.

In a Kingdom where perfection is an eventual expectation, each other’s needs for improvement have a way of being noticed."

So, I will feel inadequate sometime (or even often). Others will be aware of my flaws, and I definitely will be painfully aware of them. However, if I keep my focus on where I want to go, acknowledge the progress I've made and remind myself that with Christ I can get there, I know I'll be okay.

Elder Maxwell put this far better than I can:

"Yes, brothers and sisters, this is a gospel of grand expectations, but God’s grace is sufficient for each of us. Discouragement is not the absence of adequacy but the absence of courage . . ."

Leaving a Trail

2011-07-21T18:59:00.000-07:00

“Do not go where there the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

There was an ad campaign up at my Metro stop for a long time with that quote. I've been thinking a lot about the choices I have made over the past few years and how many times I have "chosen the path less traveled" (to borrow Frost's metaphor). Or maybe it is just "the path I never thought I would find myself on" - Either way, I find myself being told by people that I am brave. Brave to just pick up and move on. Brave to move to a new city without a job (more than once).

Do I feel brave? No. Sometime I feel rather foolish. Those are crazy things to do. And in many ways they go against my methodical, list making, planning personality. But, I have to admit that things have always worked out when I choose to leave the comfortable path I find myself on and pursue a new course I feel prompted to follow - or when I listen to a prompting to leave my old path without knowing exactly what the new path is.

As I thought about that tonight, I realized I am in good company. Centuries ago a young man named Nephi was directed by his father to go back to the land they had just fled from in order to complete a task - getting the brass plates. These brass plates were important because they held the history of his ancestors and more importantly because they contained the word of God.

Whenever I feel like I have been led by God to do something, a part of me expects it to be easy. Or for all of my actions to be guided. So often that is not the case for me, and it was not the case for Nephi either. He followed his fathers directions to go back. He tried two times with his brothers to get the plates with no success. Did he give up? No. He goes a third time, and this time he says, "And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do." (1 Nephi 4:6). He succeeds.

What this teaches me right now is that we don't have to see a path in front of us. We can go forward and we can be successful. And when we look back, we may be surprised to see how clear the path behind us is - far to clear to be random or just some detour on an un-traveled or un-planned path.

God Bless the USA

2011-07-04T10:30:00.000-07:00

I would describe myself as someone who loves America. I love the 4th of July celebrations and many of the associated songs (Confession: when I was about 9 my cousin and I memorized all the words to "God Bless the USA" by Lee Greenwood and would sing it at the top of our lungs in my grandparents backyard . . .)

Some of my favorite lines from patriotic songs:

"If tomorrow all the things were gone
I'd worked for all my life,
And I had to start again
with just my children and my wife,
I'd thank my lucky stars
to be living here today,
'Cause the flag still stands for freedom
and they can't take that away."

- God Bless the USA, Lee Greenwood

"America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!
. . .
America! America!
God mend thine every flaw"

- America the Beautiful, Katharine Lee Bates

"from every mountainside let freedom ring!
. . .
I love thy rocks and rills,
thy woods and templed hills;
my heart with rapture thrills, like that above."

- My Country, 'Tis of Thee, Samuel F. Smith

"Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust" "

- The Star Spangled Banner, Francis Scott Key

Now, I know that not everyone in this great nation believes in or worships God. I'm grateful that they and I can live and work side by side. I also know that not everyone thinks we should be proud of America.

George Bernard Shaw said: "Patriotism is your conviction that this county is superior to all other countries because you were born in it."

I don't think this has to be true - or that this is THE definition of Patriotism. When I first read this quote, it reminded me of a quote that hung in my locker all through high school - it went something like this:

'Learn to love yourself without comparing yourself to others. This will help you love yourself properly without conceit.'

I'm not saying I am good at this, or even that I actually know how. I am saying I love the concept, and it is something I strive to do. I have even worked to learn this lesson in relation to places I have lived - is the West better than the East or the South? I don't think so. I love them all - they all have wonderful and beautiful things about them. While I have never lived outside the USA, I am sure the same thing is true of other countries in comparison to here.

Sure, America's not perfect. I'll repeat the plea in America the Beautiful - "God mend thine every flaw". But, I'm still grateful for all the wonderful things about this place I call home. And I'll repeat: "God bless the USA!" bless us to become better, bless us to be grateful for what we have and bless us to treat one another as brothers and sisters.

One of THOSE Days

2011-06-29T19:01:00.000-07:00

One day while in grad school I was walking home in the pouring rain and realized I either had to laugh or cry. So, I started singing "Bring on the Rain" at the top of my lungs.

Yep, just my luck. Some man on the third floor balcony of a multi-family house laughs and shouts some encouraging words to me. I stop singing and skipping down the sidewalk and waved my thanks.

Today there was no physical rain, but I still felt like singing this song:

Another day has almost come and gone
Can't imagine what else could go wrong
Sometimes I'd like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war ('cause)

Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

It's almost like the hard times circle 'round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
And I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing - but I'm not dead, no ('cause)

Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

I'm not gonna let it get me down
I'm not gonna cry
And I'm not gonna lose any sleep tonight ('cause)

Tomorrow's another day
And I am not afraid
So bring on the rain

- Bring on the Rain, Jo Dee Massina

Going Old School

2011-06-28T19:26:00.001-07:00

When I think of songs from my early teenage years, All Star by Smashmouth is always high on that list (along with The Middle by Jimmy Eat World).

There is a particular set of lines that have always stood out to me - and that seem particularly poignant to me lately:

"Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas
I need to get myself away from this place
I said yep what a concept
I could use a little fuel myself
And we could all use a little change"

- All Star, Smashmouth

For some reason, this has been linked pretty directly to the Hymn "Because I have Been Given Much" - check out these lyrics:

Because I have been given much, I too must give.

Because of thy great bounty, Lord each day I live.

I shall divide my gifts from thee with every brother that I see,

who has the need of help from me.

Because I have been sheltered, fed by thy good care…

I cannot see another’s lack and I not share-

my glowing fire, my loaf of bread-my roof’s safe shelter over head,

that he too may be comforted.

I often wonder if I really feel that way - or do I fall into the trap of "coveting what I do not have" or just not sharing what I do have?

21And now, if God, who has created you, on whom you are dependent for your lives and for all that ye have and are, doth grant unto you whatsoever ye ask that is right, in faith, believing that ye shall receive, O then, how ye ought to impart of the substance that ye have one to another.

22And if ye judge the man who putteth up his petition to you for your substance that he perish not, and condemn him, how much more just will be your condemnation for withholding your substance, which doth not belong to you but to God, to whom also your life; and yet ye put up no petition, nor repent of the thing which thou hast done.

23I say unto you, wo be unto that man, for his substance shall perish with him; and now, I say these things unto those who are rich as pertaining to the things of this world.

24And again, I say unto the poor, ye who have not and yet have sufficient, that ye remain from day to day; I mean all you who deny the beggar, because ye have not; I would that ye say in your hearts that: I give not because I have not, but if I had I would.

25And now, if ye say this in your hearts ye remain guiltless, otherwise ye are condemned; and your condemnation is just for ye covet that which ye have not received.

- Mosiah 4:21-25

This all makes me think. It makes me examine how I feel in my heart when someone asks for spare change. It makes me contemplate what it is that I have that I can give. And I've seen some great examples in my life - friends who have handed over change, who have taken time to talk and express love in various ways, friends who have purchased meals, stories of people carrying around gift certificates for food to hand out. There are certainly things I can do to show the love I have towards my fellow men - ways to provide fuel and change - I just have to do them.

Just a line

2011-06-27T15:58:00.000-07:00

Pandora Radio is one of my best friends at work these days. There was a song that played with just one line that I felt was just for me:

"Keep on walking towards that new life that you found"

- Take it Back, Sister Hazel

If you look up the song, pay no attention to any of the other lyrics or underlying theme. But, know that I am doing my best to keep looking forward and walking towards my new life . . . whatever it brings!

Grateful for the Chance to Choose!

2011-06-26T18:45:00.000-07:00

Today in Relief Society we talked about agency - one of my favorite principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Our lesson today was based on a talk from President Thomas S. Monson in General Conference November 2010 - The Three R's of Choice. Below are my favorite two paragraphs from his talk:

"We know that we had our agency before this world was and that Lucifer attempted to take it from us. He had no confidence in the principle of agency or in us and argued for imposed salvation. He insisted that with his plan none would be lost, but he seemed not to recognize—or perhaps not to care—that in addition, none would be any wiser, any stronger, any more compassionate, or any more grateful if his plan were followed.

We who chose the Savior’s plan knew that we would be embarking on a precarious, difficult journey, for we walk the ways of the world and sin and stumble, cutting us off from our Father. But the Firstborn in the Spirit offered Himself as a sacrifice to atone for the sins of all. Through unspeakable suffering He became the great Redeemer, the Savior of all mankind, thus making possible our successful return to our Father."

And that brings me to my lyrics for the day:

"Know then that ev'ry soul is free,
To choose his life and what he'll be;
For this eternal truth is given,
That God will force no man to heaven.

He'll call, persuade direct aright;,
And bless with wisdom, love, and light;
In nameless ways be good and kind;
But never force the human mind."

Know This, That Every Soul Is Free, Hymn 240 in LDS Hymnbook

I can't even express how much I LOVE this - God won't force us to do what is right. BUT, He will provide us with help and direction if we are willing to ask for and follow His guidance.

What are the Answers?

2011-06-25T21:10:00.000-07:00

"Take your headphones off little girl
Listen to the sounds of the world
Put your heart into it,
It's all intuitive.

Paint a picture black and white
Write a book about the meaning of life
You gotta use what you've been given
To change the world you're livin' in.

What would you do with all the answers?"

- Afterglow, Ian Axel

The last line above is what keeps running through my mind.

Honestly, I don't know. And it might, no - it would depend on what the answers are.

But, I'd like to think I would correct some of the gross injustices of the world. Take this one for example:

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ln9aa10UAg1qzqlvro1_500.png

I'm Not Mahana

2011-06-24T16:29:00.000-07:00

Over the past year of so I have grown so much in ways that I did not anticipate and could not have predicted.

There have been a few key people who have been instrumental in my personal growth . . . and I can’t imagine where I would be right now without them!

Recently I had one of those late night pity parties/why sessions: why can’t I get married – am I just not good enough? What am I doing wrong? And I typed all my heartfelt feelings to my friend. His response? Not what I expected, but just what I needed to hear. You see, most people would have said “oh no, there’s nothing wrong with you, you are pretty!” Instead, he said: “No, no, no you can't think about things that way. You'll go insane.” And then, “you can't place your value on getting married. You just can't. You contribute too much to get caught up on one thing.”

It is amazing to me how people can do such little things and those little things can have such a profound impact in our lives.

That same friend introduced me to a song with a line that could say “definition of Nicole” in front of it:

"In the depths of her interior
Were fears she was inferior."

- Ah, but Underneath, Follies by Stephen Sondheim

As I thought about my conversations, experiences, thoughts and feelings I have had over the past year or so, I learned something very, very interesting about myself. There is a part of me – a huge, mostly sub-conscious part of me, that has felt like Mahana. Yes, I’m referencing that old school movie Johnny Lingo - the one where the expert trader pays 8 cows (a HUGE) sum for a woman the island thinks is not worth dirt. He takes her away for their honeymoon and comes back with a beautiful woman people can’t believe is really the same Mahana. (you should watch the video . . .)

The thing is, I don’t have external people calling me “Mahana, you ugly” but the voices in my head have said this nearly my whole life.

As I re-watched Johnny Lingo, I realized my answer was there the whole time. While I had focused in on the “fact” that Johnny Lingo made Mahana beautiful by believing in her, he knew the truth. At the end of the film, Johnny Lingo says: “Many things can happen to make a woman beautiful. The thing that matters most is what she thinks of herself.”

In the words of a pop song:

“You’re so mean/When you talk/About yourself/You are wrong/Change the voices/In your head/Make them like you/Instead.”

– Pink, Perfect

Like most of us, I am full of insecurities. But one of the things I have learned in the past year is that I am not Mahana – I do not need a man to come along and finally convince me that I am good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough, or spiritual enough - or anything else. I can overcome my insecurities. I can learn to love myself.

My new goal:

“I'm not perfect
Don't have to be
Can walk around in just bare feet
I'm comfortable in my own skin
My confidence, it starts within”

- Natasha Bedingfield Sojourn lyrics

Song Lyrics that Speak to My Soul

2011-06-23T15:34:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been on a kick of posting song lyrics on Facebook/gchat. I think you can learn a lot from a phrase here or there. My challenge to myself is to post a lyric/set of lyrics a day for a week - with or without commentary.

Hope you enjoy!

"Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring"

Free to be Me, by Francesca Battistelli

This pretty much sums up how I have felt my whole life, and especially how I feel right now as I search for a job in a new city . . .

One Step at a Time

2011-06-10T08:25:00.000-07:00

Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene—one step enough for me.

Lead, Kindly Light Hymn 97

This is a time in my life when I can truly say I am content to only know one step at a time. And when I start to feel overwhelmed by what is in the distant scene, I have found great peace in focusing on what the next step is.

Simply Couldn't be Happier

2011-06-04T10:00:00.000-07:00

*Disclaimer: I have never seen the musical Wicked or read the book, but I LOVE the sound track

Just wanted you to know up front that my thoughts on a line from the Wicked sound track are not rooted in the story line of Wicked - rather it is my typical relating of a line from here or there to my life and the way I view the world.

The following are some excerpts from the song “I Couldn't be Happier” sung by Glinda (the good witch).

“But I couldn't be happier,
simply couldn't be happier
Well-- not "simply"”

“So I couldn't be happier.
Because happy is what happens
when all your dreams come true.
Well, isn't it?”

These lines seem to raise two very interesting questions about happiness.

(1) Is/should happiness be simple?

(2) How do we define what happiness is, or how do we know when we have achieved “happiness”?

Thinking about Glinda’s acknowledgment “Well—not simply” makes me think about how many times I have wanted to take the easy way out. How many times I have simply accepted the status quo rather than put forth the necessary effort to make a change.

It also makes me think about what my Church teaches about happiness, and how to find lasting happiness.

"Many people try to find happiness and fulfillment in activities that are contrary to the Lord’s commandments. Ignoring God’s plan for them, they reject the only source of real happiness. . . . Others seek only to have fun in life. With this as their main goal, they allow temporary pleasure to distract them from lasting happiness. They rob themselves of the enduring joys of spiritual growth, service, and hard work."

“Happiness,” True to the Faith, (2004),79–80

I don’t believe that happiness is something that just happens to us. Maybe happiness is what happens when our dreams come true – but they won’t come true without some serious attention and hard work on our part. As Tiana’s father taught her in Disney’s The Frog Princess:

“Yes, you wish and you dream with all your little heart. But you remember dear Anawet, that old star can only take you part of a way. You got to help him with some hard work of your own. And then... Yeah you can do anything you said you mind to.”

So, it may not be “simply” but we can be happy – the best part is that we decide.

7 1/2 Cents Vs. I Want to be a Billionaire

2011-06-02T11:35:00.000-07:00

This weekend on a hike with some friends we discussed wonderful and terrible lyrics in pop songs. Someone presented "I Want to be a Billionaire" as a song with terrible lyrics.

For the record, I think this is a fun song - and I like the sentiment expressed in the following lines (or at least what I choose to take from them!):

"We in recession but let me take a crack at it
I’ll probably take whatever's left and just split it up
So everybody that I love can have a couple bucks
And not a single tummy around me would know what hungry was
Eating good sleeping soundly
I know we all have a similar dream"

Despite whatever beautiful sentiments I derive from these lyrics, my friend hates the underlying message of the song as a whole: I'll just sit around wishing for what I want. His theory is that if they really want to be a billionaire they would go out and do something that would move them closer to thier goal.

I can respect that.

Our discussion made me think of the chorus to 7 1/2 Cents from The Pajama Game:

"Seven and a half cents doesn't buy a heck of a lot,
Seven and a half cents doesn't mean a thing!
But give it to me every hour,
Forty hours every week,
And that's enough for me to be living like a king!
I figured it out"

This song is something that has stuck with me since my Jr. High production of The Pajama Game. If "I Want to be a Billionaire" represents just sitting around wishing for what we want, 7 1/2 Cents has come to represent the opposite to me over the years.

The two phrases that I think about the most are: "Seven and a half cents doesn't buy a whole lot" (yes, my Jr. High director modified that line for us . . .) and "I figured it out". To me, this is a reminder that we can figure things out, and we don't need a lot of money, time, skill or other resources. We have to decide what we really want, figure out what we need in order to get there and then make it happen.

While, if I had to choose, I'd pick to work for 7 1/2 cents instead of wishing I were a billionaire, I do like the idea that we can use what we have to bless others (split our money so everyone has a couple bucks and people are fed). And while I don't anticipate I'll ever have lots of money, I hope that if I ever do I will use it in a wise manner that benefits many people.

Things Money Can’t Buy

2011-05-07T04:18:00.000-07:00

I keep thinking about things we value that no amount of money can buy (and that, in fact, having a lot of money may make it difficult to acquire).

Here's what I've got so far:

Peace of Mind
Love
Confidence
Self-Control
Discipline
Loyalty
Patience
Grace
Humility

What else would you add?

Pain

2011-05-03T19:20:00.000-07:00

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." - Plato

"In the quiet heart is hidden
Sorrow that the eye can’t see."
- Lord, I Would Follow Thee, Hymn 220

Recently I have found myself wrapped up in own pain, struggles and uncertainty. Last night I dumped some of my thoughts and feelings on a good friend of mine - thank you again for listening!

This morning I experienced one of those tender mercies of the Lord where prayers are answered and a new level of understanding comes. Now, before you jump to conclusions - my problems and pain have not changed or gone away, not at all. But, I learned some things and feel an increased capacity.

First two stories:

1. On the train this morning I overheard a woman talking to someone in an Army uniform about how her husband had served in the Army years and years ago. At some point he decided he was done and just walked away - from his job and his family. Talk about hard.

2. Last night I was walking in a nearby neighborhood and overheard a woman talking about how she had a heart monitor and the doctor gave her a spare battery in case something went wrong with the one in her heart monitor. Her concern: that if something went wrong she wouldn't be able to switch the the spare battery.

I felt that what Plato said was very, very applicable - everyone is fighting a hard battle.

Now comes my small miracle, or tender mercy. I sometimes read from the Ensign (a magazine published by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) on my commute to work. This morning I opened to the page where I left off - right to an article about couples dealing with infertility (read it if you like).

So, in case you are wondering, I am not dealing with infertility. But, as I read about the pain of some people that were, I realized that while the exact trial or thing causing us pain may be different than someone else, the feelings or difficulty in dealing with that pain is very similar.

Here are some quotes from the article that really hit me:

"I just needed people to buoy me up as I struggled and to acknowledge that what I was going through was difficult."
"I don't know that I felt angry at Heavenly Father, but I felt forsaken by Him. I felt so left out. Why were all these other women getting to experience pregnancy? I had tried to live my life worthily and do things I knew to be correct. So why wasn't it happening for me?"
"For a while, I thought if I had enough faith, I would be cured. But sometimes having faith means trusting in and listening to the Lord even when we are not cured. What we want won't always match what He has planned for us."
"There is nothing in the scriptures or anywhere in the gospel that teaches us to suffer in silence." (BTW I REALLY like this one!)
"Sometimes we get caught up in the one-size-fits-all mentality, and we feel that our lives should look like other people's lives. But that's really not true."
"I have learned to trust in Hm, to follow the Spirit, and to feel at peace because God's plan is the one that will benefit me the most. There's more to life than we can imagine."

Here is part of what I learned/felt:

Each of us has "custom made" trials
They are HARD
My trials are not more/less difficult or trivial than someone elses'
We ARE strong enough to weather our trials (with God)

One last quote about pain:

"I have pondered about the purpose of pain. None of us is immune from experiencing pain. I have seen people cope with it very differently. Some turn away from God in anger, and others allow their suffering to bring them closer to God. Pain is a gauge of the healing process. It often teaches us patience."

- Elder Kent F. Richards The Atonement Covers All Pain

At this moment, I am grateful that my pain has made me more aware that there are many others around me who likewise have "sorrow that the eye can't see" and I can ignore their pain, pretending it doesn't exist, I can add to their pain (intentionally or not) or I can try to buoy others up.

I do know that Christ's Atonement can heal us. It can and will bring us peace and make us far more that we could ever be on our own.

Mirrors: Reflections of Reality?

2011-04-25T19:05:00.000-07:00

When I look in the mirror I don't usually like what I see. Usually I notice the fact that I haven't done my hair, or the five pounds I recently put on, or that my skin is not perfect. And usually I think that I am just being "objective". But, is my "objective" opinion or view of myself actually negatively skewed?

There is a line in "Believe" by Cherie Call that I have thought about a lot over the past few years:

Sometimes you see what Jesus sees
When you look in the mirror

What is it that Jesus sees in me? Jesus likely sees me as a whole person, and in light of what I can and am becoming. He is not fixated on my blemishes and imperfections. If he does gently remind me of something I need to work on, it is not to highlight the fact that I am imperfect but rather to aid me in becoming better - to help me move forward.

All this makes me think of the woman who is taken in adultery and brought before Jesus (see John 8). The scribes and Pharisees ask if they should stone the woman - which is the punishment prescribed by law. After a few moments, Jesus responds: "He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her" (John 8:7). Slowly, these men walk away realizing that they too are not perfect.

The story continues: "When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? She said, No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more" (John 8:10-11).

This strikes me as a moment when someone figuratively saw herself in the mirror as Jesus saw her. Someone who was not perfect. Someone who could "go, and sin no more". Someone worth believing in.

I also had a moment like this. I was asked to play the flute in Church for Easter Sunday. I am NOT an accomplished flute player. I get very nervous playing in front of people. I have had some painful experiences in the past where I did not play well. However, I agreed to play. As I was preparing, I told myself that the goal was not to be perfect, or play amazingly. The goal was to invite the influence of the Holy Ghost and to touch the hearts of at least some of the people who heard the music.

Despite carefully prepping myself, I still sat down feeling poorly about the way I played. I was painfully aware of, and fixated on the less than perfect parts of the song. As in the past, when someone paid me a compliment, I was very tempted to (a) deflect or decline the compliment and/or (b) to assure myself they are just being nice or don't know what they are talking about (I know, I shouldn't admit these things about myself!).

When I sat down for the rest of the meeting, I found an index card I had written some thoughts on months ago: God doesn't want us to be ashamed because we are not perfect, not enough like His Son, Jesus Christ. Rather, He wants us to recognize our potential and constantly move closer to that potential.

And that made me think: Do I have to be perfect, or do something perfectly in order to touch others or invite the Holy Ghost?

The answer is no. We are not perfect beings. We can look at ourselves as a whole, and in light of what we are striving to become and not just what we are at this exact moment. Where we are headed is more important that where we have been and perhaps more important than where we are right now. I know I have a long way to go, and I will still have a hard time with mirrors. But, I am making progress. I can from time to time get a glimpse of how Jesus sees me and use that both as comfort and a motivating force onward and upward.

And Perhaps Until the Day I Die

2011-04-20T16:18:00.000-07:00

Big surprise: I've been thinking a lot lately :) I'm looking for a new job, and I just spent a couple weeks in a place I'd never been before with some people I didn't know before I got there. Plenty of time, and reason, for introspection . . .

The people I stayed with are relatively new to the area themselves, and not sure how long they will be there - but they talk about the quality of the high school in the area and told me they are "planting roots like we'll be here a long time. But, who knows."

My long term plans are equally up in the air. And if I do move to a new area in my immediate next steps, I have no idea how long that next step will last. A few months? A few years? A decade? Who knows. But, doesn't that make it hard to move on and then hard to connect to people and things in the new area? Yes, I think it does.

This concept has become particularly poignant as I am applying for jobs - in multiple locations. How do I convince myself, let alone the person who I want to hire me, that this is a good move? Who wants to hire someone who might be gone in a couple months? Or even a year?

A story from the Book of Mormon came to mind as I thought about all this. Ammon and his brothers leave their homeland to teach and serve among the Lamanites, a people that their people are often at war with. They have a great desire to teach them about Christ and a love for the Lamanites, despite the wars between their people.

When Ammon first enters the land of the Lamanites, he is bound with cords and taken to the king of the land. The king could decide to kill Ammon, to put him in prison, to cast him out of the land - anything he felt like. If that were me, I would have been terrified. I would want to say something that would keep me alive and safe.

I have no idea what Ammon was thinking - but when the king asked if Ammon wanted to live among the Lamanites, Ammon responded: "Yea, I desire to dwell among this people for a time; yea, and perhaps until the day I die." (Alma 17:23)

Till the day he dies? Does he think that will (or at least might) be today? Does he really want to live there for the rest of his life? Is he just trying to make the king happy and stay alive?

I don't think so. I think what he is saying is more along these lines: I have come here with a purpose. It is a decision I made. It is something I intend to see through. I don't know how long that will take, but I have no plans to walk away from this goal, so I'll be here till it's done.

That is powerful to me. And I feel that is an attitude I can adopt. To me it embodies a "be happy now" or "blossom where you are planted" attitude. Don't wait till the next best thing comes along - because when it does, you'll just want the next next best thing. It also seems like a pretty good attitude to take into an interview. "Yes, this is where I want to be. And this is where I see myself for the foreseeable future."

Prayer

2011-04-01T14:54:00.000-07:00

I recently finished an audio book that was in many ways a modern day prodigal son story (see Luke 15:11-32 ). There were a few interesting passages about prayer that really got me thinking.

"Prayer, you know, you open up your thoughts and then you can get a good look at them. No point trying to hide anything."

"Prayer is a discipline in truthfulness, in honesty."

Those two lines got me thinking about prayer in general and about the current state of my prayers.

I like this idea that prayer is a chance for us to be completely honest. We are talking with someone whom we cannot hide anything from, even if we want to (and even if we try). And it helps to remember that we pray to someone who loves us perfectly despite anything we may want to hide from Him - someone who can, and will, help us through/with anything we bring to Him. Prayer is a chance to get a good look at our thoughts, at our intended actions, at how we feel; a chance to make course corrections with the love and guidance of an all-knowing, perfectly loving Father.

It has been my experience that I can tell the health of my relationship with the Heavenly Father by the diligence and depth of my prayers and scripture study. That made me think about the things that I am, if not trying to hide, at least not bringing to the table in these sacred communications. It made me think about the importance of not simply going through some motions - but really, really taking the time to talk, to think through, to ask for advice. It also made me very glad that gems of truth can be found anywhere is we are only looking for them :)

A Thought on FREEDOM

2011-03-26T20:48:00.000-07:00

"Tyranny, like Hell, is not easily conquered, yet we have this consolation with us that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly . . . it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as FREEDOM should not be highly esteemed."

Thomas Paine, American Crisis No. 1

I love American history. I greatly admire the men and women who sacrificed, and worked, and dreamed to create the Declaration of Independence, to combine thirteen independent colonies, to grapple with important issues and compromise to reach a consensus toward the greater common good.

So often when I read their words and hear their stories my heart thrills and I am nearly overcome with gratitude – and a sense that I have a great debt to fill. Or maybe a great cause to continue carrying forward. Or that I have inherited the right and ability to make the world a better place, the need to not take things for granted, to avoid esteeming too lightly so many wonderful things that have been simply handed to me.

I know I am a greatly blessed person. I know that at times I do not act in accordance with what I know. Elder David A. Bednar taught “what we know is not always reflected in what we do” I am grateful for reminders that it is easy to forget the importance of things in our lives – to forget to do what we know is right and will bring joy to others and advance the common good. I know and can do more to highly esteem the FREEDOM that I have been given at such a dear price to so many people – past, present and future.

Thank you Thomas Paine. Thank you Elder David A. Bednar.

The Best Misperception Ever

2011-03-19T20:28:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I was riding the bus and about halfway to my destination three high school girls got on. I was reading a book and only vaguely aware of them, but they were talking loudly so I did overhear bits and pieces of their discussions of such things as their likes or dislikes of Dove body wash (One girl said it didn't work for her, another girl said she has been at a camp where there were no showers and three days later she still smelled like Dove).

"Why were you at a camp that didn't have showers for three days?"

The next thing I remember hearing was "she's a Mormon" which caught my attention.

The anti-Dove body wash girl looked mortified. And said, "Don't they deal with dead people right after they die?"

"No, like we're Christian, she's Mormon."

"But, who are those people - it starts with M too - that deal with dead people?"

They had no idea - "Mortician" I say from a few rows back.

"Ya, morticians. Aren't morticians and Mormons the same thing?"

Say something! I think in my head to the girl who has been identified as a Mormon - your friends think you deal with dead people right after they die - you have to say something.

No answer.

"What do you have to do to be a Mormon?"

Still no answer.

The bus stopped, and they ran away to catch another bus so I never heard the end or if the girl clarified to her what it means to be a Mormon or not.

As for me, that has to be the best misperception I have heard to date as to who Mormons are.

A Thought on Revelation

2011-03-17T15:29:00.000-07:00

Revelation is a conclusion not an explanation.

As taught by David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

I've been thinking about this a lot, and need to think about it a lot more . . .

I will go, I will do – right?

2011-03-10T08:52:00.000-08:00

For a very long time, I have told myself that I would go wherever God wanted me to and do what He would have me do. I still think that is true, at least for the most part. However, I had an opportunity to listen to a talk from Elder Claudio R. M. Costa, one of the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

As Elder Costa spoke to a group of single 20- and 30-year-olds he referenced a story that is very, very familiar to readers of the Book of Mormon (if you are not familiar with it, you can read 1 Nephi chapters 3-7). There is a young man named Nephi who is in a very similar life situation that most of us listening to Elder Costa find ourselves in. Nephi at one point tells his father “I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them” (1 Nephi 3:7). Then he added, “I think most of us think we are like Nephi, and would say ‘I will go, I will do’, but are we not sometimes like Laman and Lemuel?” Laman and Lemuel were Nephi’s brothers who did not want to go and do the things that their father, through the guidance of God, was asking them to do.

Elder Costa then told the familiar story along these lines: One morning Nephi’s dad came to him and said, “I had a dream, and you need to go back through the desert three days and three nights and get these precious records from a man who has 50 men always on hand to kill anyone who takes anything from him.” Nephi said, I will go, I will do. How many of us would be tempted to say, “Oh Daddy, can’t I at least take a shower first?” or “Oh Daddy, isn’t there some other say? I might die if I try to do that.”

Well, these brothers do go and do. They finally get back to their family and once again Nephi’s dad comes and says, “I know you just got back, but I am going to stay here again, and I need you to go back three days and three nights in the desert and tell this man and his family to come and join us – and be sure to bring his daughters.” Imagine showing up on this mans doorstep and saying, “Hi, you don’t really know me, but you may remember my father who took us into the wilderness awhile back because people were trying to kill him. Anyway, I know I am dirty and smelly after walking three days and three nights through the desert, but I need you to come with me back to my father. Oh, and by the way, you need to bring your daughters so they can marry us.”

I know this may seem comical, or even a little sacrilegious, but it was a very timely thing for me to hear. As I already stated, I have tried to be the kind of person that says “I’ll go where you want me to go, dear Lord, I’ll do what you want me to do, I’ll say what you want me to say.” (check out this great video) Right now I find myself in great transition, and have been saying “Heavenly Father, where would Thou have me go? What should I do next?” Then I received what I call a prompting – I felt that there was guidance from a higher power that came to me. My response? I will go, I will do? Nope. Instead, I said “Whoa, whoa. Hold on a minute, that is not what I want to do. I have never wanted to live there, why should I look for jobs there?” And after a few moments, I felt I might need to redeem myself, so I said, “Okay, look. If this is what I’m supposed to do, I need some clear direction here, not just a passing thought.”

In essence, although I had been saying “I will go, I will do” when the actual assignment came, I said, “I need a little more time” (if I’m generous with myself) or “I meant I would do what Thou would have me do as long as it fits in with my plan and what I am comfortable with” (if I am more honest with myself).

I am grateful for the chance I had to listen to Elder Costa and the chance it has given me to step back and re-evaluate whether I really mean what I say and more specifically what I pray. I want to mean it, and I am going to work harder for my actions to be aligned with that desire and commitment.

Favorite Thing to do in Vermont (4-year-old Perspective)

2011-03-04T15:49:00.000-08:00

I was on a walk with a 4-year-old yesterday when we heard a helicopter overhead. He was excited to look at it and I asked him where he thought the helicopter was going. His response: Vermont.

Knowing he had recently been to Vermont to ski, I asked him what his favorite thing to do in Vermont was (anticipating that I would get to hear about his ski trip, of course). His response was not at all what I expected.

"Well, read a book, take a walk . . ." he listed a couple other things and then in a very excited voice finished, "and then get a treat! Yeah!"

Thanks for the 4-year-old perspective! It is not always about the big things - people we love and activities we do all the time are more than enough to bring great joy.

Freely Giving of Self

2011-02-28T15:18:00.000-08:00

I have an incredible teacher for my Institute of Religion class this semester. She often talks about how she prays to know who she can serve and how she can serve them and tells us stories about carrying out her acts of service.

This is not a new concept for me, but one that I have often felt that I am not good at doing. I have a hard time remembering to ask God who I can serve, and I have a hard time feeling like I receive specific guidance about who to serve and how to serve them when I do ask. I decided recently to redouble my efforts to ask those two questions and carry out what I feel inspired to do. The first night I was saying a prayer before I went to bed and realized I had not been given an opportunity. Immediately I realized that was not true. More than once I had thought about texting a friend of mine and asking how things were going. That was what I had been directed to do. So simple.

I have been out of town visiting old friends and had the chance to read the book "The Ultimate Gift" where a young man from a privileged background is given an opportunity to learn some life lessons like the love of learning, the value of money, friendship and the gift of giving. This young man is challenged to give something that is truly his to give (not the money that was given to him or the things that money could buy). He had to come up with something to give every day for 30 days. The first thing he gave away was an ideal parking spot to an elderly couple. Some of his other gifts included a pint of his own blood, time to read to blind students, wrote a poem and sent it to a friend, let people use his house for a charity reception and baked cookies for an elementary school's bake sale. I again was struck by how simple most of these things were.

It seems to me that the best things we can give always include giving a part of ourselves. Those simple things have the capacity to have a large and lasting impact on others. I also realized that I do try very hard to do kind things for others - those who are close to me and strangers I may never see again. While I should not stop praying to know who I can help and how I can help them, I should also not stop planning things I can do to reach out in love to others.

The following words from the Doctrine and Covenants (revelation given to the Prophet Joseph Smith) came to my mind as I was thinking about all this:

26For behold, it is not meet that I should command in all things; for he that is ^acompelled in all things, the same is a ^bslothful and not a wise servant; wherefore he receiveth no reward.

27Verily I say, men should be ^aanxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;

28For the power is in them, wherein they are ^aagents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their ^breward.

I do not have to be "commanded" or in this case, directly inspired in order to do good. I can be anxiously engaged in many good things of my own free will.

Lessons (re)Learned

2010-12-12T19:22:00.001-08:00

- You can't please everyone, I know because I've tried (Michael McLean's song “I Can’t Do Everything”) over and over and over again.

- There is light at the end of the tunnel ALWAYS

- No one can make you feel inferior without your consent (Elinor Roosevelt said that) but too often I give that consent - usually without even realizing

- No one can fill those of you needs that you won't let show (Bill Withers) but so often they can and will fill your needs you do show

- I may have a long way to go, but that doesn't mean I'm starting from a bad place or that I haven't made great progress to get where I am.

Moment to Shine

2010-11-01T20:01:00.000-07:00

A few months ago I went with a friend to see a performance by Laura Benanti. At one point, she said "Man, I wish everyone could experience standing on stage and having a room full of people clap for them."

Tonight, I was back at the same venue for a totally different event - a chance to celebrate teachers for all the unsung work they do every day. A chance to recognize teachers who do their job very well, despite a multitude of odds.

As I watched the first teacher walk to the stage to accept her award I stood to clap for her. So did the rest of the room. At that moment, I remembered Laura Benanti's words and I was so happy for the individual being recognized - they were getting their chance to stand on stage and have a room full of people clap for them. As each of the next six teachers walked onto the stage to accept their award I thought the same thing "this is their moment to shine, what a great chance to stand up and be publicly recognized."

I'm grateful for all the people in this world who deserve to stand on stage in front of a room full of people and be applauded. I'm especially grateful for those who never have that experience, yet continue doing the things that make them deserving of the honor.

A Message from My High School Self

2010-10-16T15:25:00.001-07:00

My parents drove out a truck full of my furniture and stuff that I haven't had for about 7 years.

In one of the notebooks I was going through today, I found the following poem. I remember writing it at one of my brothers band concerts thinking about everything I needed to get done. I find it very applicable to me in my life now :)

Life

Rush, Rush, Rush
Work hard to Cram everything in
Cram, Cram, Cram
Plan ahead - be sure there's Time
Time, Time, Time
Manage that Time, make it fit
Manage, Manage, Manage
Finish things in Time -
Finish, Finish, Finish
To Rush - again.

Take a Step

2010-10-14T19:09:00.000-07:00

Right now I am contemplating making significant changes in many facets of my life.

Not sure what that is going to mean exactly. A quote from one of my heros keeps coming to mind (yes, it was my Facebook status twice in a row . . .)

"There is a beauty and clarity that comes from simplicity that we sometimes do not appreciate in our thirst for intricate solutions." – Pres. Dieter F Uchtdorf

What this quote says to me right now:

I need to take a step. Or several really. I may want to see the whole picture (my thirst for intricate solutions). However, I know some of the steps I will have to take, so I may as well start (an effort to see beauty and clarity in simple things)

Wish me luck!

Learn to Join the Dance

2010-03-07T08:12:00.000-08:00

I was walking to work the other day reading an article from the Ensign about the law of fasting. The article quoted from the Doctrine and Covenants - a collection of revelation given to Joseph Smith, the prophet who restored Christ's Church to the earth in modern times:

"For all who will have a blessing at my hands shall abide the law which was appointed for that blessing, and the conditions thereof, was were instituted from before the foundation of the world" (Doc & Cov 132:5).

As I thought about this verse in connection to fasting and the blessings that come from obedience to specific laws, I was reminded of another verse from this same body of scripture:

"There is a law irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated— And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated" (Doc & Cov 130:20-21)

Then I got to thinking about how cool it is that we existed before this life, and that we knew God's plan for us and chose to come to this earth and be tested and have the opportunity to choose to follow the laws of God and reap blessings connected to those laws. I also thought about the fact that we do not always know the blessings that are attached to specific laws and that sometimes we do not even know exactly what we need to do.

Almost immediately the lyrics to a country song came to my mind:

"Life's a dance you learn as you go/Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow/Don't worry about what you don't know/Life's a dance you learn as you go" (Life's A Dance by John Michael Montgomery)

I really felt at that moment no need to "worry about what I don't know" I felt assured that I really will learn as I go - and that I will not be alone in my efforts. Another song with very similar lyrics also came to mind:

"And though you'll never know all the steps, you must learn to join the dance." (Prince of Egypt sound track "Through Heaven's Eyes")

Dancing is something I really like to do, but do not feel that I am very good at - or at least I do not know many steps. That does not keep me from participating, nor does it make me doubt that dancing is possible. I know there are others that know far more than I do, and often they are more than willing to teach me if I will but ask and watch and then do what they show me. I have also learned that I am fairly good at following. If I dance with someone who knows the steps and how to lead, with a little coaching on the basic steps I am good to go.

Thinking about all this I realized that I can come to learn principles and doctrines of Christ's gospel in the same way. He set the perfect example that I can watch and follow. He knows the steps and will help me follow and learn them as I allow Him to lead me. Laws and rules exist to help us and guide us. We can follow them, and will experience greater success and joy when we do so.

Today is a Gift

2010-02-14T10:31:00.000-08:00

Recently there has been record amounts of snow falling where I live. I only went to work twice last week due to weather. One of the mornings that my work was canceled, I got an email from my boss telling out team she hoped we would be safe and warm, read something good, and accept this day as the gift that it is. Since my power was not out that day, I did stay safe and warm. I also did a lot of reading over the week. But what really struck me was her reminder that today is a gift.

Now I know she was specifically referring to the fact that we did not have to try to get to work in the snow, and that "non-essential" employees were not even required to work from home. In reality every day is a gift. I have the chance to approach each day with that attitude. There is always something good to discover, something to be grateful for, experiences we have that move us forward. I was grateful for the reminder from my boss that life is to be enjoyed and appreciated. That joy can be found even in less than ideal situations.

That day was a gift, today is a gift, and tomorrow is a gift too. I hope I remember that and treat each day as the gift it truly is.

Prayers Answered

2009-12-14T16:04:00.000-08:00

I was asked to speak in Church the Sunday after Thanksgiving based on a talk given by Elder David A. Bednar in General Conference this past October.

Ironically, or maybe providently, I had already re-read this talk several times. There were themes in his talk that I picked up throughout the entire Conference - the need to not just know things, but to act on our knowledge. The need to decrease that gap between our knowledge and our actions. He said that there are things we know, but they are not necessarily reflected in what we do. It has been my experience that things that are simple are not always easy.

I learned so much as I studied in preparation for this talk. I spent a fair amount of time praying that I would be able to touch someone else's heart - that this was not just going to be a good experience for me, but that I could reflect the truths I had learned. I often pray prayers like that, and rarely do I ever find out if they have been answered or not.

Well, there was no question this time. One of my roommates good friends told me he thought my talk had been good. I didn't think twice about that till I was at our Institute of Religion class on Tuesday. There was a stray set of scriptures so I picked them up to figure out who they belonged to. As I was flipping through the papers in the back looking for a name, I saw my own name. This person had written down notes from what I said in my talk. I was floored.

Then, I hear "Nicole, can I have my scriptures back?" It was my roommates friend. He had been serious - he had enjoyed my talk. He saw what I was looking at and said, "See, you never know who you are going to influence for good."

I was humbled by this answer to my prayer - both that the prayer was answered so clearly and that I was able to find out about it. I love things like this that testify to me how much God loves all His children. I love that we have chances to answer others prayers and to have our prayers answered by the people around us.

Are You Mormon?

2009-11-05T15:54:00.001-08:00

You know those questions that you just know are coming. Ones that come up often enough that they are really no surprise. As I was leaving work today, I was asked two such questions, one which I liked, and one which I did not.

So, I'm new to my job, and I definitely have not met everyone who works in the office. Many of those I meet for the first time ask if I am an intern. This is really not too surprising, I just finished school, and I realize I look pretty young. Today, I was walking out the door and this woman I had not met before says, "Excuse me, are you in college?" No. No I'm not. Then I wondered how many more times I will have to answer this question.

Then, I was walking down the street towards public transit and ran into a coworker of mine who I do know. She asked me where I came from and how long I've been in the area. When I told her I grew up in Utah, I got what is a very typical response: "Oh, are you a Mormon?" Yes. Yes I am. That is a question I never get tired of answering. I am a Mormon. I love being a Mormon. I love talking to people about what I believe, or what being a Mormon is like. I love being able to share small glimpses of the most important thing in my life with people I come in contact with - be that contact brief of extended. Unlike with the first question, with this question I wonder how many more times will I get to answer this one?

You know, as much as I dislike being asked some questions, I'll take them if it means sometimes I get to answer questions I love.

I Don't Have Time for This!

2009-10-16T17:33:00.000-07:00

Today when I was walking back to the train after a longer day at work than I had planned on I noticed my phone was having some issues and thought, "I don't have time for this!" Then I thought about what I had just thought and realized that there will probably never come a day when I think, "Today I have time for something, or everything to go wrong. Today it won't upset me, and I can deal with all the stress and headache." I had to smile to myself (but I was still not happy about my phone).

After I got home I found out that my much anticipated plans for the evening were no longer an option. "I don't deserve this!" I thought, perpetuating my negative mood. After all, I had just finished a long day, and the anticipation of the exciting evening was one of the things that helped pull me through the day. Didn't I deserve to go have some fun?

As a distraction I decided to get online and send some emails. Well, the first email I opened made it clear that even though I am now employed my days of financial worry are far from over. "I can't deal with this!" was my first stress filled thought. Then a dear friend of mine reminded me that things will work out, and that there are proactive steps I can take. She gave me hope that I really can deal with this.

A couple emails later, I came across a letter from my brother. He is in Russia, and dealing with some totally unfair circumstances completely out of his control - things he does not have time for, does not deserve, and could very easily feel he can not deal with. But, he never mentioned any of those negative feelings. Instead, my little brother set a wonderful example for me reminding me that we choose our response to our circumstances and that so often true joy comes through our troubles as we learn how to be strong, and to swallow pride, and to feel and express true joy for others.

Hopefully I've gotten my selfish pity party out of my system for the next while, and I can instead focus on the incredibly wonderful things in my life. There are so many! Thanks to you my brother (even though you won't be reading this any time soon :)

2009-10-01T15:28:00.000-07:00

I just finished a book that talked about 30 things we should know now. It was interesting - parts of it made me angry, parts of it made me cry, parts of it made me think. The parts that made me think were my favorite.

One of the ideas that was presented in this book was that we cannot change others, we can only decide our reactions to people and situations. This is a concept I am very familiar with, and really like - most of the time. I really liked the way he presented this concept: "If you cannot change the people around you, you can at least have the satisfaction of surprising them."

Reading that sentence and thinking about this concept reminded me of an experience I had as a teenager that taught me the power of not simply reacting as expected - of choosing to act differently than initially intended - and the sense of accomplishment that can bring.

Once my brothers and I were old enough, our parents assigned us to be responsible for a room for a month at a time on a rotating basis. Everyone dreaded their month in the kitchen - vacuuming only had to be done once a week, but dishes had to be done every day. At one point my parents told my brothers and me that their goal in giving us these chores in this way was that we would realize that we didn't like cleaning up after everyone's messes and just take care of our own. I told myself that I would try it with dishes, but if others didn't follow suit, I was done. Sometimes all of us did for one meal, but it never lasted.

One day it hit me that I was only hurting myself by "keeping score" and "punishing" others by not helping out. Then I really set the goal, and consistently cleaned up after myself. Honestly, I don't remember when or if my brothers every started doing the same, or if they or my parents ever were surprised by the change, but I know I was happier.

I have put that pattern into action in other ways and in different areas of my life, and at times I have felt the satisfaction of surprising others. Best of all, I have surprised myself with my ability to let things go, to not let the actions of others dictate my own, and to let go when I realize I'm trying to change others.

All Will Be Well

2009-08-16T17:55:00.000-07:00

With all the change and decisions I'm facing in my life, this is a truth that I have been trying desperately to remind myself of. I do believe it - I'm just not sure I want to deal with whatever is going to happen between now and when all is well.

At Church today, there were some big changes announced. These changes are not going to really affect me, because I am moving. However, the comments made about change could not have been more timely. Personally I am facing a lot of change right now. Since I just graduated, this was to be expected, and my choices about what to study and where I'd like to work have greatly impacted the type and scope of change I face. None of that erases the fact that I feel nervous about the changes that are coming. I just want to share some of the thoughts that I heard today - even if it is just a selfish way to process what I was told and to more fully absorb the thoughts myself.

One of the first comments was, "All will be well, but it is a hard day." I really appreciate that acknowledgment. In the words of a good friend of mine, "can't I just be sad for a while?" I think that sometimes when we go through hard times we fail to allow ourselves a chance to just be sad, or to admit that this is a hard day. Sure, all will be well, but that takes time. And that is okay.

Looking back at past events that seemed hard can help too. I know that has helped me. Often I had no idea how things would work out in my life, but somehow they did. Usually not how I thought they would, but all too often better than I would have predicted. As they say, hind sight is 20/20, and looking back can help us have the courage to move forward and the patience to wait for the good that is coming.

The last comment about change that I want to share was, "Embrace change for the good it will bring." I will try to do that. I'm sure that the change in my life will bring good. I know it will bring growth. I know it will allow me to meet new people and to learn to give and serve in new ways. I know that growth and increased understanding are worth the hard day moments that come along.

All will be well. And in the mean time, I'll cling to that truth.

Wicked

2009-07-09T06:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday while we were cleaning our house my roommate and I were blasting the soundtrack to Wicked the Broadway musical. Now, I have to confess, I have never seen the production (though I hope to change that someday!) but I love the music. Thus, the following comments have only the perspective of the song and not the whole script.

One song starts: "No good deed goes unpunished No act of charity goes unresented" Elphaba, the wicked witch, is contemplating how her good intentions have not worked out the way she wanted and have resulted in misunderstanding and resentment from others.

Towards the middle of the song Elphaba asks a profound and self-searching question: "One question haunts and hurts, too much, too much to mention: Was I really seeking good or just seeking attention? Is that all good deeds are when looked at with an ice-cold eye?"

I have had to answer the "am I really seeking good or just attention" question on multiple occasions in my life. Sometimes the answer is, yes, I really wanted to do good, to make life a little easier for someone. Other times the painful truth is I just wanted someone to notice me, or to say "oh how wonderful you are!"

When I can answer that I was seeking good, I feel peace - even if others misconstrue my intent. That inner peace does not however mean I don't feel pain that others misunderstand, but it does mean I can move forward and keep seeking to do good and avoid just seeking attention despite the opinions of others.

As I listened to these words yesterday and thought about them, I realized that Jesus Christ warned against the threat of seeking attention for good deeds. When he was giving the Sermon on the Mount he cautioned:

"Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven. Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth: That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly." (Matthew 6:1-4)

Back to the song - Elphaba's response to her own question made me sad: "If that's all good deeds are, maybe that's the reason why No good deed goes unpunished. All helpful urges should be circumvented. No good deed goes unpunished. Sure, I meant well Well, look at what well-meant did. All right, enough - so be it! Let all Oz be agreed: I'm wicked through and through" she ends the song saying: "I promise no good deed will I attempt to do again, ever again"

I want to make a different promise: I promise I will continue to attempt to do good deeds, even if others view them with an ice cold eye. I will continue to attempt to do good deeds especially when they seem to go unnoticed. I will continue to attempt to do good deeds even when I feel my good deeds are not making a difference. And, I promise to keep asking myself if I am seeking good, or seeking attention - and when I'm seeking attention to adjust my intentions and actions.

America

2009-07-04T15:40:00.001-07:00

Seeing as today is the 4th of July, I think this is a wonderfully appropriate time to get around to this post that has been brewing for quite some time.

First, I want to share four quotes about America that I have come across in the past nine months or so that capture some of my thoughts and feelings:

"It will do us not good to be naive about the challenges we face in this country. We do have problems, and they are not a few. There are issues that demand our earnest, inspired attention. But there is too much fruitless carping and criticism of America. What might become of this land if we spoke less of its weaknesses and more if its goodness and strength, its capacity and potential?"

- Gordon B. Hinckley, Standing for Something

"There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America."

- President Bill Clinton, first inaugural address January 20th, 1993

"In reaffirming the greatness of out nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom."

- President Barack Obama, inaugural address January 20th, 2009

"Now we might not always get it right But there's nowhere else I rather build my life"

- Rodney Atkins "It's America"

I love living in America. I don't think that means I would not like living in another place. I have lived in several places including the West, the South, and New England. The places and the people in each have been wonderful. Each has pros and cons. That is true of any place in the world. Personally, I side with Gordon B. Hinckley and think that while we must be aware of the challenges we face (be it as Americans or more simply as human beings wherever we find ourselves) we must also focus on goodness, strength, capacity and potential. And Rodney Atkins is right - America/Americans don't always get things right. But, as President Obama said, there are many wonderful unsung hero's who work hard to carry us towards greatness.

In some of my graduate classes we would talk about some of the things going on in other countries related to policy affecting children, the environment, education and other things. There were often comments about how much better some policy about bike travel was in Sweden than in America. Or how the Finnish education system is so superior to our K-12 education. I have friends from Finland, and I asked them about their experience. As I listened to my classmates and my friends I realized that often the best of another country was being compared with the worst in America. That seems to be an unfair comparison to me. Again, I emphasize that I think there is much room for improvement, and collectively Americans should work to make live better for all of us who live here. But, I also submit that if we look for it, we can find, build on and expand the goodness in this great land.

I am proud to be an American. I am grateful for the chances that we collectively have. I hope to be on of the risk-takers, makers and doers that, as President Obama said, is not afraid to work or faint-hearted. My sincere desire is that I personally, and Americans generally, strive more to use what is right with America to cure what is wrong with America.

God Bless America

Biggest Lie

2009-03-26T19:24:00.001-07:00

So, I have had a lot of feelings of stress, pressure, and being overwhelmed lately. I say this not to draw attention to me, or to elicit sympathy. Instead, it is to express gratitude. Today I got an email from a good friend with a link to a youtube video called "Are you going to finish strong?" It is one of the many, many youtube video's about Nick Vujicic - who is a young man who grew up with no arms and legs. He travels and talks to people about overcoming challenges and recognizing on whom we rely for strength. It gave me a wonderful perspective and helped me in my moment of need.

After I got this email, I watched the video and for the next half hour or so watched related videos. In another video, Nick told a world religious leader (sorry, I don't know who he was, or where he was from) that we can not, and should not compare suffering. We should all work together as God's family to help each other through the struggles that we face and to put our own suffering in perspective. Nick said the following: "The greatest lie that we are believing today is that you need to do this life alone. That’s a lie. God is a personal God, you can talk to Him, you can pray with Him. It’s not about just coming to Church on Sunday’s and doing the status quo. Talk to Him; share your heart with him. Lord, here I am please help me. I’m here today to tell you this, that no matter who you are no matter what you are going through, God knows it, He is with you, He is going to pull you through."

As I listened to and watched these videos I realized that Nick and his message serves as a good reminder that life is what we make of it, and we can choose our reactions to our circumstances - even, or maybe especially, those circumstances that we can not change.

Today I was especially grateful for the reminder that it is a lie that we too often believe that "you need to do this life alone." So, I'll keep praying to God, telling Him my hopes and dreams, my fears and concerns. I will continue to ask for help and seek to remember that I can do all things with His help (which includes the help of those I have been blessed to have play a part in my life).

Lovin' Life

2009-03-16T18:34:00.000-07:00

The other day I was sitting eating lunch in my department's building and a friend of mine came in and joined me. We hadn't talked for a bit and we were just catching up on the "What's new?" question. I'm not sure what prompted it, or exactly why I said it, but at one point I said, "I love my life." My friend looked at me and observed, "You don't hear very many people say that."

He's right. I don't often hear people say they love their life. I really do. I feel that I have been so richly blessed and that I have been given so many wonderful opportunities and get to interact with some incredible people. When I start to feel overwhelmed, I remind myself, as I wrote before, the importance of little things and the ability to choose to be happy. For example, I walked to a little park, sat on a bench, read a book, and enjoyed the sun on my face yesterday. Joy. I really do love my life. I love finding happiness and choosing to walk away from frustration and stress as soon as possible.

This does not, however, mean that there is nothing I would change or that there are not things that I long for or that nothing makes me sad. Quite the opposite. There was a song on the radio that was talking about the fact that there are lots of mountains in our lives and the trick is to learn to enjoy the climb. (sorry, I have no idea who sings it, or what it's called - but I want to!) I'm also reminded of a comment made in a seminar I went to talking about balance in life. The seminar was given by Kevin Rollins, former CEO of Dell Computers, who said that life is 99% mundane and 1% exciting. He said, and I've found, that if we only wait for the "exciting" 1% we'll miss out on a lot of good times. So, I just try to take life as it comes and love it. Often it is one of the many amazing people around me who in one way or another remind me how good my life is, how much better it is to be happy, or just make me laugh or give me a hug and help me refocus.

Thanks to all you fantastic people who make my life so wonderful and remind me that it's really not so bad when I'm tempted to throw a pity party!

PS for an awesome talk on this subject read "Come What May and Love It"

PPS I found the lyrics: It's a song called "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus the chorus says:

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Think Happy Thoughts

2009-03-15T19:48:00.000-07:00

A few nights ago I was getting into my bed and heard the sound of something falling off my night stand into my garbage can. With a slight scowl on my face I paused to find out what it was that found its way into the garbage can.

I pulled out this little frame that I had nearly forgotten was there - half buried under my Ensign, journal, some tissues, a letter or two and who knows what else. It has a picture of a cute little girl with a hat on that is clearly too big for her and says "The happy thought that lasts a moment can bring joy that lasts all day." It was the perfect reminder at the end of a long, stressful day. I stepped back and thought about my day and the little happy things that had happened. Thinking about those things really did bring joy and my frustration melted away and a smile graced my face.

Then I had this sudden memory of Peter Pan and the trick to flying to Never Land. They had to think happy thoughts. Happy thoughts were powerful and enabled them to fly. I think that metaphorically speaking the same thing is true in our lives. We are lifted up as we think about happy, positive things. We are given the ability to rise above the circumstances we find ourselves in. We can be transported to a better, brighter place. Thoughts are powerful, and we can choose which ones we will entertain. So I'm going to try to increase my happy thoughts, and by so doing increase my joy :)

Real Life Connections

2009-02-23T08:25:00.000-08:00

I was reading an article from the Ensign, a monthly magazine published by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and the words I read really touched my heart and made me think. Elder F. Burton Howard said, "we must take care to connect the events of the Sacred Grove with real life and with present circumstances, or the result will be that the great truths of the Restoration will become something we just talk about and not live."

Elder Howard is referring to the experience that Joseph Smith had in a grove of trees on his parents farm in upstate New York in the Spring of 1820. Joseph Smith entered that grove of trees in order to pray to God for an answer to the questions that he had on his mind. He had read in James 1:5 "If any of you lack wisdom let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him." He had faith that this scriptural promise would be fulfilled, and it was (for further details of this experience read Joseph Smith History).

I want to take a few minutes and share some of the ways that I have connected the events in the Sacred Grove to my life and my present circumstances.

One thing I learn from the experience is that the words of scriptures are powerful. I have been told that we should pray to God when we have questions and concerns and we should read the scriptures when we want to hear His answers. I take comfort in knowing that there are others who have done this and had success with that method of receiving guidance and direction. I too have turned to the scriptures many times in my life when I have needed guidance and comfort. I have found peace and perspective. I have been given answers to my concerns as well as assurance that the choices I have made and the path I am following is a good one and productive in my life.

Another thing I learn is that prayers are answered. I do not always pray as often or as sincerely as I should. When I do take the time to confide in my Heavenly Father I am amazed at how things can be put in perspective and I can forget my woes and feel peace. I have often felt strengthened as I share my burden and seek guidance. Those feelings and experiences I have are real. They are a part of me. They are harder for me to brush aside or forget than the experiences of others that I just hear about or read about.

Perhaps less happy of a lesson, but something I have learned and found to be true in my life nevertheless, things are not always easy or smooth or go the way we want them to. This is true even if we follow that which we believe to be right. There are bumps in our path. There are those who seek to distract us. There are moments when we feel all alone. However, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. This means to me that I should keep pressing forward, even when - or perhaps especially when, things seem too hard and all hope seems to flee.

A little bit later in the article, he went on to say, "The wear and tear of daily living often over shadow the things we know, and we fail to heed." I hope that I can notice when the wear and tear of daily living are overshadowing the things I think are important and choose to direct my attention to things of greater worth.

Letting the Light In

2009-02-12T07:53:00.000-08:00

I was sitting on my bed with my back to my window wrapped in a blanket reading my scriptures this morning. After reading for a couple minutes I realized that I was having trouble seeing the pages and had to strain my eyes to read the words. A slight movement allowed some light that was streaming through my window, but blocked by my body, to fall on the pages. I realized I was unnecessarily making things difficult for myself. There was no reason my back needed to be to the window, so I moved and allowed the light to fall unobstructed on my scriptures making it easier for me to read.

It dawned on me that there are probably many times in my life that I figuratively do this. I know the light is right there behind me, but I don't make the effort to allow it to guide me and make my life easier. The Savior Jesus Christ told us "I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness but shall have the light of life" (John 8:12). He also said basically the same thing in a slightly different way: "I am come a light into the world, that whosoever believeth on me should not abide in darkness." (John 12:46). I know that learning of the Savior and trying to be more like him has blessed my life in countless ways. I hope I can continue to come unto the light of the world and be able to share the light, truth, knowledge and joy that it brings into my life with those around me.

Choose to Be Happy

2009-02-01T14:27:00.000-08:00

I was recently given some great council from my father. He told me to choose to be happy; to continue with my my cheerful attitude and behaviors.

Happiness is something I value and strive for. I try to always have a smile on my face and to remember that I have so much to be grateful for - even when things do not seem to be going my way. One of the movies that I love is Pollyanna. It tells the story of a young girl who recently lost her father who was a minister. He had taught her to play "the glad game" where one seeks to find the good in a situation, no matter how dire it appears. Quoting her father she says "with 826 "happy texts" in the Bible, God must have wanted people to be happy"

I agree, God must want us to be happy. I did a quick search for the phrase "be of good cheer" and found 13 results in the scriptures. I love that command - be of good cheer. I try to do that. I believe that for the most part, we find what we are looking for. So, I choose to look for the good. I choose to be happy. I choose to smile, to laugh.

In the words of Martina McBride:

Oh watch me go
I'm a happy girl
And I've come to know
That the world won't change
Just 'cause I complain
Let the axis twirl
I'm a happy girl

Happy Girl by Martina McBride

A Nickel

2009-01-21T19:19:00.000-08:00

Today as I walked to the T from my dentist appointment a guy held out his worn looking cup and asked if I had any change to spare. I rarely carry cash or change with me. Today was one of those days. So, I said "I'm sorry, I don't" with sadness in my eyes and a pang of sorrow in my heart.

I had not gotten more than a few steps away when I realized I did have some change with me - a nickel. I found that nickel on the stairs of my campus a few days ago, had picked it up and put in my coat pocket. As soon as a realized that, I turned around digging the nickel out of my pocket as I walked, and dropping it into the empty cup said "Actually, I have a nickel."

Turning back towards the T once again, I said a little prayer in my heart. I asked God to bless those who have so little that maybe their hope and faith that things will get better might increase, and that those like me who have more will be willing and able to share what we do have.

A nickel is not a lot. By itself it will not do much for that man, and in some ways, it may even have seemed insulting. But it was all I had with me (besides a cough drop and tissues, which I suppose he might have been able to use). When I got to the T I saw another nickel on the ground. Again, I know a nickel is not much, but I picked this one up too and put it in my pocket again. For me, it stood as a small and simple reminder that someone is watching and knows what we do. He appreciates the small acts of kindness we do. He was reminding me personally that what I have is not mine, and I will be blessed as I seek ways to reach out in love to those around me.

Some may say it was just two nickels and a coincidence, but it taught me a great lesson and is helping me set patterns of giving and being aware of the needs of those around me.

It's Not Just What You Say

2009-01-17T19:27:00.000-08:00

In one of my classes this week we were talking about the ethical nature of the choices we make and the way we interact with others. My professor was pushing us to define honesty and think about when it is necessary. Does it mean simply not making statements that are false? Can you say nothing and be dishonest? Is it sometimes okay to be dishonest?

These are questions that sometimes, or even often, seem to have blurry lines - or to be more gray than black and white. My professor told us the rule of thumb that he likes to use: If you do something with the intent to mislead it is unethical, even if to do so would put you at a strategic advantage.

Personally, I like my professors rule of thumb. It is not just what you say, or fail to say, it is also the intent behind your words. I think it takes courage to be honest and to not let someone keep believing something that is not true even if revealing the truth may seem strategically unadvantageous.

In the long run, honesty and fair-play are strategically wise strategies to use. It is important to remember also that things that may not technically be unethical may ultimately undermine trust. Life is full of ongoing relationships and interactions. It is always wise to work to build and improve relationships and to address concerns as they arise. The peace of mind and conscience that comes from being honest is more important to me than any perceived gains of acting in an unethical manner.

Who I Really Am

2009-01-13T17:50:00.000-08:00

This is not a contemplation of the cosmic who am I and why am I here question. If you want to know my thoughts on this, you can read a previous blog post of mine by clicking here. This is a consideration of reconciling the "Nicole" that others see and tell me about and the "Nicole" I feel like on the inside.

All too often I find myself thinking something like "If they really knew me they would not like me so much. They would see that I am nowhere near as amazing as they think I am." I was having a negative thoughts about myself moment the other day. As I sat there thinking, I remembered a conversation from a Sunday School class a few months back. We were talking about dating and someone commented about the tendency we have to put our best self forward in those kind of situations. We want others to like us. We want them to have the best possible impression. Some felt this is a bad things. "Why can't we let people see who we really are?" "Should we pretend to be something we are not?"

Then, this guy shared his opinion. He believes there is a difference between trying to mislead someone to believe that we are something we are not, and the choice to be our very best self. As we work to present our very best self, we will inevitably become better. This seems much healthier to me than saying "Well, this is how I am and they better just be okay with that." Each of us should want to be better and be working to make improvements in our lives.

With that running through the back of my mind, I asked myself some related and important questions. Why is it that I think I am the only person who knows me? What makes my opinion superior to all others? Yes, it is definitely true that I have access to inside information :) But really, who am I? What I think and feel and do and say. All combined. Is my 'real' self my most frustrated moments when everything seems to be going wrong and I just want to throw in the towel? Is my 'real' self my best moment when my heart wants to burst with all the love and joy I feel towards those around me and the blessings God has given me? Is my 'real' self an average of my best and worst? Or is my 'real' self what I am most often?

I'm not sure I have the answer. But, I do know that my real self is NOT my worst moment self. I need to give credit to those who see the good in me. I can work harder to make those best moments happen more often. I need to count as success when I don't follow through with my worst moment thoughts and feelings. That is a sign that I am a better person than my worst internal moments would have me believe. Thanks to all who see my best self and help me move toward consistently being the real me that you see!

Goals

2009-01-06T14:48:00.000-08:00

At the beginning of each year a focus on starting new and making changes emerges. I personally love this! I've thought a lot about the purpose of setting goals and how they can be good and bad. On Sunday in Relief Society (the woman's organization in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) we had a lesson about setting goals and self assessment.

I appreciated the comments about how it is important to think about the motive behind our goal. The teacher used the example of losing 10lbs - a common enough New Year's Resolution. Instead of just setting a weight loss goal, ask yourself the reason for achieving this goal. Is it to be healthier? To feel more loved? To feel more comfortable in social settings? Depending on your motive, the goal may need to be modified - not just lose weight but eat better too or to work on your feelings of self-worth in other ways as well.

One sister in the class commented that at certain times in her life lessons like this would have made her feel awful because she was doing all she could to just keep afloat. At other times she would have been inspired and felt like she could conquer the world. Really, all we have to do is what we can, which is different at different times and in different ways. There is one scripture in particular that talks about this principle that I love. "And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order." Mosiah 4:27

Someone else told of a friend who once expressed the view that goals are just another chance to fail. That made me very sad. And, it made me reflect on the purpose of goals. I feel that goals provide us with road maps. They help us when we are deciding how to spend our time and when we are choosing between two good things - we can ask ourselves what will most help us towards our goal. Goals help us continue moving forward and up. They help us get closer to where we want to be - in many aspects of our lives - then we would without some kind of game plan and direction.

I think goals can be made for the wrong reasons. I believe goals can be too big for us to handle at the time we make them or in the time frame we give ourselves. However, I believe that goals are not successful only if we achieve them in the way and time initially intended. I think the fact that we can dream of something more or better than we have now is a success. I think that if goals help move us further down the path we've chosen, we've had success. Goals give us a chance to show we are not just accepting things the way they are, but actively shaping where we are going and what we will do along the way. That is a beautiful thing.

It's the Little Things

2009-01-04T15:58:00.000-08:00

My whole life little things have been very important to me. It was always little things that made me happy - and mad for that matter. My brothers and my parents can testify to that I'm sure :) There are pros and cons to this outlook on life. When I was going to school in Virginia, one of my roommates loved to give me a hard time about how happy little things would make me. She told me one day that she was going to make a list of little things that made me happy to give to my husband someday. They included things like vanilla scented trash bags, swinging at the park, hearing a song I like on the radio, having someone smile or say hello to me . . . I just laughed and told her I'd rather be happy with little things and be happy a lot than to wait for big things to make me happy and spend a lot of time waiting.

There is a scripture that always comes to mind when I think about the power of little things. It is in The Book of Mormon in Alma 37:6 and says: "Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise." I have always loved that! I like to think about the difference I could potentially make through the little actions I take. And I like to acknowledge the little things that have made a great difference for me.

Recently I had some wonderful experiences that reminded me of this great truth, and I want to give a shout out to little things. Things like offering to help with the dishes - and not just offering, but doing them. Taking time to listen - really listen and remember what someone says. Respecting the feelings and concerns people have, but being willing to gently nudge them towards something wonderful. Being sincere. Recognizing good in those around you - and pointing it out to them. Playing Legos with little boys. Finding adventures in everyday events. Taking time to look past yourself and notice the needs and feelings of others. Asking others to help you learn a new skill. Following through with a promise made. Sharing stories - listening and telling. Giving hugs hello - and goodbye :)

There are so many wonderful little things in life. And, there are also a great deal of little negative things in life - things that can weigh us down, and make us forget what we really want and how to be truly happy. I'm grateful for the great things that come from small things and for the times in my life that I do allow little things to make a positive and not a negative impact on me. I'm reminded of a quote that my brother recently sent me in an email: "Sometimes we need to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy." I think that is what being happy over little things can do for us - allow us to pause in our pursuit of happiness to just be happy.

Collective Potential

2009-01-03T17:24:00.000-08:00

I'm currently reading a fantastic book called "Standing for Something: 10 Neglected Virtues that will Heal Our Hearts and Homes" by Gordon B. Hinckley. It has given me a lot to think about. In the chapter "Making a Case for Morality" he talks about how we can make a difference in our overall society by the individual choices we make. Says Hinckley "It all begins with our own personal choice. Reformation of the world begins with reformation of self."

As I was pondering this, wondering how well I'm doing at living a moral life and what I can do to further reform myself, I had a few interesting thoughts. First, I thought about how we influence each other and how grateful I am for the good people in my life who both set a good example and make it easy for me to maintain my standards. Then I had this thought: we can not collectively be what we individually are not. However, a few minutes, or maybe even only seconds, of thought made me realize this is not true, and I am so grateful that it is not true.

Perhaps a movie reference can help me illustrate this point. Remember the Titans is one of my favorite movies. It tells the story of a football team at a high school in Virginia the first year the school integrated blacks and whites. There is tension within the team, the coaching staff, the school, and the community. Coach Boone is a tough coach who expects a lot from the boys on the team. He demands that they do their best, he pushes them to get past their animosity towards each other and work together. He tells the team: "We will be perfect in every aspect of the game. You drop a pass, you run a mile. You miss a blocking assignment, you run a mile. You fumble the football, and I will break my foot off in your John Brown hind parts and then you will run a mile. Perfection. Let's go to work."

One night during their pre-season camp things come together, they start acting like a team. Despite the great challenges from within and without the team triumphantly enters the state championship game undefeated. They are up against a very good team, and at half time they are having a rough time. Coach Boone tells the team: "It's all right. We're in a fight. You boys are doing all that you can do. Anybody can see that. Win or lose... We gonna walk out of this stadium tonight with our heads held high. Do your best. That's all anybody can ask for." To which Julius Campbell, one of the players, replies: "No, it ain't Coach. With all due respect, uh, you demanded more of us. You demanded perfection. Now, I ain't saying that I'm perfect, 'cause I'm not. And I ain't gonna never be. None of us are. But we have won every single game we have played till now. So this team is perfect. We stepped out on that field that way tonight. And, uh, if it's all the same to you, Coach Boone, that's how we want to leave it." And they do, the perfect season, 16-0.

Remembering that scene made me realize that collectively we can be so much more than we can be individually. And, if we learn how to depend on one another, how to develop our own strengths and know when to lean on the strengths of others we can do amazing things. We can collectively be what we individually are incapable of being, and do things together that would never be possible on our own.

Sacrifice

2008-12-28T19:45:00.000-08:00

I was sitting in one of my last classes for my Developing Sustainable Communities course this past semester and we were talking about what we had learned and how to use what we had learned to help others. The word "sacrifice" came up; as in someone may have to make a sacrifice to get what they really want and in order to do what is good for the whole rather than the individual. My professor quickly suggested that we might not want to frame things as a sacrifice, people they won't want to hear that they have to give something up.

The concept of sacrifice is not new to me, nor do I see it as a bad thing. Thus, I was really surprised by the reaction of my professor. He was adamant that we should be careful how we phrase things. Sacrifice is not a word people want to hear, nor a principle that they want to apply in their lives so we should not suggest it. I raised my hand and shared my view that people already sacrifice things and not talking about it doesn't change that. I suggested it may be more a matter of helping people become aware of the sacrifices, or trade-offs, they are already making rather than trying to make them believe that they must make sacrifices.

This principle and the conversation in my class came back to me as I was reading up on personal finances and the role of distinguishing between wants and needs. The article said it was vital to learn that sacrifice is necessary to become disciplined. It hit me that people may not want to hear something, but often what we don't want to hear is exactly what we need to hear.

Sacrifice can be viewed in terms of what we must give up now or in what we are hoping to gain in the long run because of our discipline and choices now. I personally like to think about if what I am hoping to gain is worth what I am choosing to give up. Weighing the trade-offs can both help change tracks if we are not really going where we want, or if what we have to give up now turns out to be too high a cost and can strengthen the resolve to continue exercising discipline when the end goal is worth the necessary sacrifice.

Strengths and Weaknesses

2008-11-18T06:31:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was having a conversation with a good friend and I commented that I wasn't sure if it was a blessing or a curse that I tend to be a deep thinker. He said often our greatest strengths are also challenges. I laughed, because I have found this to be very true in my life. (I think it relates to the need for balance in our lives. I'll have to write more about the idea of balance another time - it is a concept I really love!)

This morning I was thinking about that idea again. It hit me that the reverse is also true. Our biggest weaknesses can also at times be strengths, or be turned into strengths. That reminded me of a scripture in the Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ that reads: "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." Ether 12:27

What a wonderful thing. To me, this is all about progress, about becoming a better person. Does that mean it is easy, no. Life has a way of teaching me over and over again that most things that are worth doing, and that are truly rewarding, are not easy. Those worth pursuits often require effort and struggle. And, are totally worth it once accomplished, even if that is hard to remember during the battle.

No More Than We Can Handle

2008-11-15T19:18:00.000-08:00

Life is an interesting thing. I often find myself feeling overwhelmed and wondering how in the world I'll be able to do everything required of me. I also find myself from time to time trying to explain to someone why I hold myself to the standards I do. In both cases I find solace in the teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ and my testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This is something no one can take from me. It is also something I can't give to anyone else. I can offer them a chance to learn and grow and come to know truth, but I can't make anyone understand.

I want to share a few scriptures that help me and bring me comfort as I face things that are hard or that I don't understand:

In the Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ a man named Nephi is asked by his father who is a prophet called of God to carry out a task. When Nephi's brothers question whether or not to follow through with the direction that came from God through the prophet, Nephi responded in faith saying: "I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."1 Nephi 3:7 Nephi's faith was not in vain, he was able to accomplish the task he was given.

In the New Testament (King James version of the Bible), Paul, one of the twelve disciples of Jesus Christ, shares his testimony with the Philippians. He is in prison and writes to strengthen and cheer the people. Despite theawful circumstances in which he found himself, Paul shares that one of the things he has learned is to be content with whatsoever state he finds himself in. Then he assures the Philippians, and perhaps himself as well, "I can do all things through Christ whichstrengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13

In the Doctrine and Covenants, a collection of revelations from God mainly to Joseph Smith, the Lord Jesus Christ gives the following council: "Stop and stand still until I command thee, and I will provide means whereby thoumayest accomplish the thing which I have commanded thee. And if thou art faithful in keeping my commandments, thou shalt be lifted up at the last day"
Doctrine and Covenants 5:34-35

I have found these things to be true in my own life. I too know that there is nothing I have been asked to do by God that I have not been enabled to accomplish. Despite this, at times the things that I am asked to do at the moment seem too hard. In those moments I try to remember like Paul that through Christ's help I can do anything, and likeNephi that if the Lord commands, he will provide a way. It also helps me to remember that blessings and help are conditional upon my faith and efforts to move forward with the command I have been given.

Redistributive Policies

2008-11-13T09:25:00.000-08:00

Today in my Economics review I was able to give voice to some of my concerns about redistributive policies. There were three specific thoughts that came out of the feelings of unease I've felt for years about this. In theory it sounds good, and I agree with many of the principles, but couldn't completely jump on board.

First, redistributive policies can hurt more than they help. I don't think this WILL happen I think this CAN happen and should be something that is considered and that they possible negative impacts are accounted for and protected against as well as possible. Some of the potential negative consequences include a disincentive to work, both at the top and the bottom. If it is more financially beneficial to not work and get a welfare check, it may happen. If there is going to be too much of your paycheck taken away if you make over a certain amount, what is the incentive to work as hard as you can? The cost of transferring wealth can be more than the wealth that is being redistributed. Now, these are some of the arguments that I have heard over and over again and I think are not good enough reasons not to try to make a difference and help those who really need help making ends meet.

Another unease I felt comes from the fact that what we call "wealth redistribution" is actually not. We rarely give someone money. Rather, we provide services. These may or many not meet the individual needs of the families we are seeking to serve. It is great that small children can in theory have access to healthy food through the WIC program or to decent pre-schools through Head Start. But what if what they need is a warm jacket? Taxes are the biggest form of wealth distribution in this nation that I know of. Taxes don't always go to help those who need it most. Often they go to help everyone - better roads, or national defense do not help those who have less more than they help those how have a lot.

Among my classmates there tends to be be a Robin Hood feel to talk about wealth redistribution. That is not the way it actually works. We do not take from the rich and give it to the poor. I think in some ways I would feel better about things if that was more how it happened. But, even that is not compeltely true. I hear almost no end to the wonders of Sweden and its socialized medicine etc., but I remain unconvinced that it is the best thing since sliced bread and America is the worst. I belive there are pros and cons to each. Comparing the best of one to the worst of another does little justice to either.

I do think we need to do more to help people thrive. Do we all have to have the same amount of money or things? I don't think so. Do we all need to have a safe warm place to sleep, food to eat, honorable work to do, a chance to learn and grow? I think so. I believe we should work towards having a better way of dealing with these things at the goverment level, but I also believe there is a lot that individuals and non-profits can, and in many cases already are, doing to raise the level at which all humanity operates. May we all do a little more good, help one another a little more, be a little more generous with what we have. That is my wish.

True Love

2008-11-12T10:03:00.001-08:00

A few days ago I was watching TV - something I don't often do. After channel flipping for awhile we found a documentary about The Cosby show. The actors were talking about their experiences filming the show and some of their favorite, and funniest memories. Malcom-Jamal Warner, who played Theo for those familiar with the show, was sharing one of his favorite memories and I thought there was a powerful lesson in his story.

He said part of the reason he loved being in this cast was that it was different from most other shows about families. In one episode, he is in his room with his father talking about a recent report card and they play a clip from the show. It turns out Theo has been getting D's in his classes. His father is predictably unhappy about this. Theo turns to his dad and starts expressing his view that he isn't smart like his doctor father and that his father needs to just accept him for who he is and not expect him to be just like him. At this point, they shift from the clip back to Malcom. He says that in any other show, the music would have cued and the father and son would have embraced. Then he laughs as they shift back to the clip. Dr. Huxtable sits up from his launging position and says "Now that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" He goes on to explain that he expects his son to do his best, and he knows his son is capable of more than D's. He says he expects his son to make an effort. Then he walks out of the room, turns around walks back in and tells his son "come here" and then he gives him a hug.

My father did plenty of things like that as I was growing up. He filled his role as my mentor, guide, coach, disciplinarian, loving advocate. He was not afriad to push me and help me learn. He set boundaries and standards and then held me to them and did his best to enable me to reach my goals. He did not allow me to short change myself. There were moments when like Theo I wanted to be accepted for "who I am" or what I thought I was capable of. Looking back I am so grateful for my father, and other amazing people in my life that wouldn't let me settle for what I thought was my best but instead guided me toward what they knew I could become.

I am also very grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who does the same thing. He has provided me with commandments and standards. Sometimes they seem unattainable. Sometimes I want to just be accepted for who I am now. But ultimately that is not what I want. I want to be guided to greater joy and accomplishment. I want to have lasting joy through doing what is asked of me through the growth that comes from doing what seemed too hard and not fleeting happiness from settling for what seems good enough to me now. I hope that at least in the end I will always be grateful for those in my life who will tell me "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" and expect more from me than I'd be willing to give on my own.

Ripples

2008-10-31T18:19:00.000-07:00

Recently I went with a few friends up to Acadia National Park in Maine. While there we climbed Mt. Champlain. The views of the Bar Harbor area were breath taking. As I sat pondering and taking in the sights, I noticed these boats which were fishing. I was way at the top of a mountain and could see ripples coming from the boats (without my glasses on I might add). I remembered talking about the ripple effects people can have in a service seminar I went to once. Often we have no idea who the things we do will influence or how our actions now may reach someone in the future. But, our actions do have this outward motion and do eventually touch others. I have a huge desire to be like those boats - creating waves, reaching out to others. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever know. Those ripples traveled a long distance from the boats, eventually reaching the shore or colliding with other sets of ripples. Do I have the strength and diligence to keep sending out my ripples even if I don't see the positive effects. I sure hope so!