Guiding Ideas

Recently someone asked me about "principles" or sayings that I live by. I didn't really have  a good answer in the moment, but I have been pondering on this, and came up with a handful.

• Do unto others as you would have others do unto you
• Do small things greatly
• Be happy now
• Fake it till you make it
• Everyone is a child of God and should be treated as such
• I can do anything, but not everything

This made me curious . . . what are some of yours? Do share!

God Bless Us, Every One!

“God bless Us, Every One!”

The infamous words of Tiny Tim that inspire me and help provide a guide for how I want to live my life, especially at Christmas. It has been a while since I actually read A Christmas Carol and I decided that I needed to this year. I’m so glad I did.

There were a few passages that particularly stuck out to me –

“. . . there is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good-humour.”

I have found this to be so true in my life. It is my goal to find great pleasure in small things and endeavor to share that happiness with those around me. I know I am always so grateful for people around me who provide those moments of joy through laughter.

"A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to the old man, whatever he is!" said Scrooge's nephew. "He wouldn't take it from me, but may he have it, nevertheless."

What a wonderful example! Scrooge does nothing to “deserve” the well-wishes of his nephew and yet his nephew extends them anyway. This will continue to go on my “to work on” list. Just another version of the golden rule, right?

"They are Man's," said the Spirit, looking down upon them. "And they cling to me, appealing from their fathers. This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased. Deny it!" cried the Spirit, stretching out its hand towards the city. "Slander those who tell it ye! Admit it for your factious purposes, and make it worse. And bide the end!"  "Have they no refuge or resource?" cried Scrooge.  "Are there no prisons?" said the Spirit, turning on him for the last time with his own words. "Are there no workhouses?" 

As I read these words I realized that even if I don’t outwardly profess the kind of attitude that Scrooge did, I might do so in deed. It made me stop and think about the way I look at, talk to, talk about, think about and act toward those around me.

 "Ghost of the Future!" he exclaimed, "I fear you more than any spectre I have seen. But as I know your purpose is to do me good, and as I hope to live to be another man from what I was, I am prepared to bear you company, and do it with a thankful heart. Will you not speak to me?"

. . .

“Scrooge was at first inclined to be surprised that the Spirit should attach importance to conversations apparently so trivial; but feeling assured that they must have some hidden purpose, he set himself to consider what it was likely to be.”

What a change, and what an example. It can be very difficult to recognize when someone is trying to do us good, especially when we feel uncomfortable or do not understand where they are going with their efforts. But what a great attitude. Not only does Scrooge recognize the intent of this spirit, he also vows to endure the discomfort he feels with a thankful heart.

“Scrooge was better than his word. He did it all, and infinitely more; and to Tiny Tim, who did NOT die, he was a second father. He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old city knew, or any other good old city, town, or borough, in the good old world. Some people laughed to see the alteration in him, but he let them laugh, and little heeded them; for he was wise enough to know that nothing ever happened on this globe, for good, at which some people did not have their fill of laughter in the outset; and knowing that such as these would be blind anyway, he thought it quite as well that they should wrinkle up their eyes in grins, as have the malady in less attractive forms. His own heart laughed: and that was quite enough for him.  He had no further intercourse with Spirits, but lived upon the Total Abstinence Principle, ever afterwards; and it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us! And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless Us, Every One!” 

This is my wish on this Christmas day – that we may all be blessed to feel the love of God.  

So Much to be Thankful for

I love this time of year - I love the music. I love the weather turning cold. I love spending time with family and friends. I love being able to take a step back and remember what is important in life.

This morning as I was getting ready for work I was listening to some Christmas songs and the following lyrics really touched my heart:

Somedays we forget
To look around us
Somedays we can't see
The joy that surrounds us
So caught up inside ourselves
We take when we should give.

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be.
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see.
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.

Thankful, Josh Grobin

I was especially drawn to the line "And even though we all can still do more/There's so much to be thankful for."

Life isn't perfect. And there really is so much more I could do on any given day or in any given moment, but I also know that there really is so, so much to be grateful for.

May each of you have a Christmas Season full of the love of God and gratitude.

Willing to Stand Alone

Having recently started a new job I am still getting to know the people I work with and they are still getting to know me. This kind of situation often leads to interesting encounters for me. A couple colleagues and I were headed to our team Holiday party and my supervisor told me I had earned every last drink I'd have that night. I laughed and said, "I should just make sure you know this now - I don't actually drink."

"That's okay - you are not the only one, so don't worry!" was her quick reply.

The funny thing is it never crossed my mind that I should be worried about not drinking. And I didn't feel like I needed someone else to not drink with me in order to feel comfortable.

At the bar I started talking to another girl who I've had a few conversations with, including telling her I am from Utah. It turns out she is roommates with a girl I go to Church with. Her statement to me: "You know you're not the only Mormon who works here, right?" I had no idea, but it warmed my heart to know, and I started planning on going and talking to this colleague the next day and felt an immediate bond with her.

That experience made me think of a story that President Thomas S. Monson shared in General Conference back in October. And made me grateful to see in a concrete example that I am willing to stand alone if I need to, and a reminder of how helpful it is to not have to stand alone all the time.

Enjoy the excerpt from President Monson's talk Dare to Stand Alone:

I believe my first experience in having the courage of my convictions took place when I served in the United States Navy near the end of World War II.

Navy boot camp was not an easy experience for me, nor for anyone who endured it. For the first three weeks I was convinced my life was in jeopardy. The navy wasn’t trying to train me; it was trying to kill me.

I shall ever remember when Sunday rolled around after the first week. We received welcome news from the chief petty officer. Standing at attention on the drill ground in a brisk California breeze, we heard his command: “Today everybody goes to church—everybody, that is, except for me. I am going to relax!” Then he shouted, “All of you Catholics, you meet in Camp Decatur—and don’t come back until three o’clock. Forward, march!” A rather sizeable contingent moved out. Then he barked out his next command: “Those of you who are Jewish, you meet in Camp Henry—and don’t come back until three o’clock. Forward, march!” A somewhat smaller contingent marched out. Then he said, “The rest of you Protestants, you meet in the theaters at Camp Farragut—and don’t come back until three o’clock. Forward, march!”

Instantly there flashed through my mind the thought, “Monson, you are not a Catholic; you are not a Jew; you are not a Protestant. You are a Mormon, so you just stand here!” I can assure you that I felt completely alone. Courageous and determined, yes—but alone.

And then I heard the sweetest words I ever heard that chief petty officer utter. He looked in my direction and asked, “And just what do you guys call yourselves?” Until that very moment I had not realized that anyone was standing beside me or behind me on the drill ground. Almost in unison, each of us replied, “Mormons!” It is difficult to describe the joy that filled my heart as I turned around and saw a handful of other sailors.

The chief petty officer scratched his head in an expression of puzzlement but finally said, “Well, you guys go find somewhere to meet. And don’t come back until three o’clock. Forward, march!”

As we marched away, I thought of the words of a rhyme I had learned in Primary years before:

 

Dare to be a Mormon;

Dare to stand alone.

Dare to have a purpose firm;

Dare to make it known.

Although the experience turned out differently from what I had expected, I had been willing to stand alone, had such been necessary.

Post Thanksgiving Gratitude

I've been meaning to write an "I'm grateful for" post since before Thanksgiving. This morning I was reading in the Ensign and was inspired by the challenge to list 100 things I'm grateful for:

Physical Abilities:
1. Being able to walk and run and play
2. Being able to see
3. Being able to smile
4. Hearing beautiful sounds
5. Breathing in and out
6. The ability to touch - textures
7. Being able to stand up without using my hands
8. The capacity to think
9. The ability to taste
10. The ability to smell

Material Possessions
1. All my books
2. My scriptures
3. Food
4. My computer
5. My bed
6. A large variety of clothing
7. Mementos from my childhood
8. Journals starting from when I was 8
9. Photos
10. Cell phone

Living People (only 10 is not fair!)
1. My mom
2. My dad
3. Anthony
4. Craig
5. Jacob
6. Fanja
7. Janna
8. Oscar
9. David
10. Ben

Deceased People
1. Amelia
2. Joseph Smith
3. Abraham Lincoln
4. Gordon B. Hinckley
5. Moroni
6. The unknown soldier
7. Wilber Wilberforce
8. George Washington
9. Rosa Parks
10. Eve

Things about Nature
1. Waterfalls
2. Rivers
3. Mountains
4. Wild flowers
5. Brooks
6. Stary nights
7. The Grand Canyon
8. Camping
9. Fields of Sunflowers
10. The sun

Things about Today
1. Having a job
2. FHE
3. A chance to clean up my room a bit
4. Generosity of people around me
5. Hanging Christmas lights in my room
6. Writing cards to people I love
7. Reading from the Ensign on the train
8. Realizing that my life is rich and full
9. Holding hands
10. The wonder of modern technology

Places on Earth
1. Utah
2. My home
3. Hawaii
4. London
5. Boston
6. The Temple
7. NYC
8. Buena Vista
9. Los Gatos
10. Virginia

Modern Inventions
1. Phones
2. Pens
3. Computers
4. The Internet
5. Airplanes
6. Printers
7. Cameras
8. Ovens
9. Microwaves
10. Electric lights

Foods
1. Bread
2. Muffins
3. Spinach
4. Broccoli
5. Crackers
6. Cheese
7. Sour Cream
8. Hummus
9. Black beans
10. Chicken

Things about the Gospel
1. The perspective
2. The power to change lives
3. The inspiration to become something more than I am
4. The knowledge that I am a daughter of God
5. The chance to speak to God through prayer
6. Access to the Atonement of Jesus Christ
7. Modern day revelation
8. Access to the Temple
9. The example of Jesus Christ through the scriptures
10. Peace


As they said at the end of the article - writing this list has reminded me that these 100 things "doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of all the things God has given us." I love taking time to think about what I am grateful for - to count my blessings. It never fails to warm my heart and turn it a little more to God and make me want to share what I have with others and help them feel that same love and depth of gratitude that grows as it is contemplated and shared.

Wobbling Blocks

Today I was visiting a school and spent some time in a room watching kindergarteners build with blocks.

Picture this: a bunch of cylinders with smaller triangles and half circles precariously balanced on top.

I watched one little girl in this very situation and longed to approach life more like her.

Now picture this: a little girl reaches to add some blocks to the wonderful array already set up. She knocks over a cylinder with a triangle on top.

What would my reaction be? Honestly, I’d probably be sad or at least self-conscious. I would wonder if anyone saw. I would want to fix the “mistake” I made as quickly as possible.

What did this little girl do? She finished placing the new blocks. Then she swiftly picked up the cylinder and the triangle placing the cylinder upright with the triangle on top. Before it even stopped rocking from her movement she was on to bigger and better things: adding even more blocks to the ever growing structure.

That was the moment I really started paying attention. I saw those blocks wobbling and thought – someone should steady those blocks! I realized that if I were that little girl I would not have moved on until I knew the blocks were in place and would not tip over again.

But, I think her approach was far healthier than mine would have been. Because really, what’s the worst thing that would have happened? The blocks could have fallen again. And she would have picked them up again.

Lesson learned: I’d be better off letting things wobble a little from time to time. Most of the time things will gently rock themselves into place. When they don’t then I can worry about it, or have the proper perspective to know it really isn’t a big deal.

Yay for learning from young children. It makes my heart happy :)

"Or all was lost"

I've been re-memorizing The Living Christ. As I read the last  line of the Sacrament hymn #175 O God, the Eternal Father, something clicked for me. It says: "And die, or all was lost"

In The Living Christ there is a part where they talk about the sacrament and pair that with Christ's betrayal and death: "He instituted the sacrament as a reminder of his great atoning sacrifice. He was arrested on spurious charges, convicted to satisfy a mob and sentenced to die on Calvary's cross." Why do they pair those? I've been wondering that over the past few weeks.

The reality is, all would have been lost if Christ did not complete the Atonement, which included great suffering, betrayal and death - all terrible things. I am tempted to think all is lost when I'm going through hard/terrible things. But, in reality we may be saved from having all be lost as we are asked to go through hard/terrible things. We always have the example and support of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. We are always able to utilize the atonement and find the peace and courage to change thought patterns.

Words of Wisdom from my Teenage Self

Awhile back my parents drove across the country bringing me everything I own that had been stored at their house. Inside my hope chest I uncovered my old journals and decided to re-read them. A few nights ago I came across a great entry I just want to share:

       March 11th, 2004

My band teacher said something very profound today. He's said this before. But this was the first time I really thought about it. He said "It's not about the individual, it's about the ensemble." Now, in order for the ensemble to do well every individual has to prepare and do their part, but then they have to look out for the group and not just themselves. I think this world would not be so hard to live in if people would do this. I hope that I'm willing to give my best and be happy when the group does well, even if I don't get any credit or recognition. I think almost every aspect of my life would improve if I implemented this theory - because I would constantly be improving myself and overcoming pride, jealousy and selfishness at the same time.


Truth. I'm impressed with my high school self. I still think the world would be a better place if more people thought less about themselves and more about creating beautiful dynamics with those around them. Looks like I have a renewed to be goal :)

Smile

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” - Thich Nhat Hanh

To me, this sounds like a positive version of "Fake it till yo u make it."  I like it. A lot.


I would say I have a ready smile. I would also say that my smile usually reflects feelings of joy. And I admit that my ready smile has been a little less ready of late. So, I'm going to give this philosophy a test. 


Can putting a smile on my face, even if I don't feel joy inside, bring me joy? We shall see!

Only Two Choices?

Right now I'm reading a book called The Moral Sense by James Q. Wilson. It is fascinating. In his final chapter he talks some about how we identify and "measure" pleasure. He implies that there is some other standard or measure besides just pleasure by which which we judge and evaluate the actions we take in search of pleasure:

". . . saying one pleasure is better than another implies the existence of some standard other than pleasure by which to judge things. This is obvious to anyone who has sought pleasure in the reckless satisfaction of the bodily appetites only to discover that differences in the quality of pleasures affect our chances of finding true happiness. Among the higher pleasures are the satisfactions that come from honor, sympathy, and self-respect."

I love the way he contrasts lasting joy with fleeting fun.

As I read this section of the book, I was reminded of some counsel that was shared this past weekend in the General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Elder Randall K. Bennett shared a story about his grand-daughter who is learning about what it means to make choices:

"Our grandchildren are learning that when they make a choice, they also choose its consequences. Recently one of our three-year-old granddaughters refused to eat her dinner. Her mother explained, “It’s almost bedtime. If you choose to eat dinner, you are choosing ice cream for dessert. If you choose not to eat dinner, you are choosing to go to bed now, without ice cream.” Our granddaughter considered her two choices and then stated emphatically, “I want this choice—to play and eat only ice cream and not go to bed.” 

He follows up that humorous story with some profound insight:

"Brothers and sisters, do we wish we could play, eat only ice cream, never go to bed, and somehow avoid consequences like malnutrition and exhaustion?

In reality we have only two eternal choices, each with eternal consequences: choose to follow the Savior of the world and thus choose eternal life with our Heavenly Father or choose to follow the world and thus choose to separate ourselves from Heavenly Father eternally.

We cannot successfully choose both the safety of righteousness and the dangers of worldliness"
- Choose Eternal Life

The same idea is conveyed by an ancient prophet named Lehi at the beginning of the Book of Mormon:

"Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself." - 2 Nephi 2:27

Lehi then encourages his sons to make wise choices and warns them of the consequences of poor choices:

"And now, my sons, I would that ye should look to the great Mediator, and hearken unto his great commandments; and be faithful unto his words, and choose eternal life, according to the will of his Holy Spirit;

 

And not choose eternal death, according to the will of the flesh and the evil which is therein, which giveth the spirit of the devil power to captivate, to bring you down to hell, that he may reign over you in his own kingdom." - 2 Nephi 2:28-29

I thought about these words from Elder Bennett and Lehi in part because of some other thoughts that James Q. Wilson shared about the effects of choice: 

"Drug abuse, street crime, and political corruption are the expression of unfettered choices."

I am grateful for the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints about agency (our God given right to choose) and about the consequences of our choices, now and in the future. I am grateful for parents who taught me that my actions do not only effect me, that they also impact those around me. I am grateful to know the benefits of putting aside personal, immediate pleasure in favor of long-term happiness and benefit to myself and those around me.

I know that Wilson was right when he said, "The kind of culture that can maintain reasonable human commitments takes centuries to create but only a few generations to destroy. And once destroyed, those who suddenly realize what they have lost will also realize that political action cannot, except at a very great price, restore it." I hope that too many individuals will not give way to 'unfettered choices' in their lives. I hope that people will choose societal stability and long-term personal happiness over the third choice - "to play and eat only ice cream and not go to bed".

The Lines on My Face

I've probably heard the song 'Who Says You Can't Go Home' a hundred times before. This time when I heard it on the radio one section jumped out at me:

I went as far as I could tryin to find a new face
There isn't one of these lines that I would erase
I left a million miles of memories on that road
Every step I take I know that I'm not alone

Bon Jovi/Sugarland

Two memories came to mind: First, when I was in high school I performed in a production of The Sting. I played the narrator who is approximately 60 years old. One night I was sitting in a chair in front of the woman putting on my old woman makeup. She told me to scrunch my forehead. I did. "You sure have a lot of lines" she said. I didn't know how to respond, and my eyebrows were already raised, so I just did nothing. Maybe a minute later she says, "Oh, I meant you have a lot of lines in the play!" Which I did, but I also have quite a few lines on my forehead when I scrunch it up.

Second, I remember sitting in my Grandma Smith's kitchen making cookies (soft gingersnaps - so good!) preparing for a fishing trip we were taking with Grandpa Smith the next morning. I was probably 10 years old. I noticed that she has a lot of lines all over her face. Honestly at this point I don't remember if she called them smile crinkles or if I did. But, the point is, I remember thinking "I'm going to be proud of my 'smile crinkles' someday - they will tell the story of the life I've lived and the joy I've felt."

I still feel that way - and echo Bon Jovi's sentiment: There isn't one of these lines that I would erase."

Balance: Faith vs. Works

The concept of balance is something that fascinates me. So often I find myself coming to the conclusion that almost everything comes back to balance. My roommate gave me a copy of a talk that Bruce R. McConkie gave at Brigham Young University (Agency or Inspiration--Which? on 27 Feb 1973) and the idea of balance struck me again.

And so we're faced with two propositions. One is that we ought to be guided by the spirit of inspiration, the spirit of revelation. The other that we're here under a direction to use our agency, to determine what we ought to do on our own; and we need to strike a fine balance between these two, if we're going to pursue a course that will give us joy and satisfaction and peace in this life and lead to eternal reward in our Father's kingdom.

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I believe we lived in Heaven with God before we came to this earth. He presented a plan to us where we could come to earth, receive a mortal body, be given the gift of agency, and - contingent on our choices in this life - be able to return and live with Him again after this life. I believe that God answers our prayers, and that He will lead and guide us as we seek His direction in our lives. I also have been taught that if we have to be commanded (or receive direction) in all things we are slothful servants - instead we should be engaged in many good things of our own free will (see Doc & Cov 58:26-27).

There is a phrase I have heard many times, and I think expresses some of the balance we need to seek:

Pray like everything depends on God; Then go work like everything depends on you.

(I tried to find out who said this, and I found it attributed to John Wesley, Martin Luther, and St. Augustine - and several people who suggest we should also work like it depends on God)

I think it takes faith both to ask God for help and to get off our knees and start working toward the items we ask God for help with.

We can't just ask. We can't just work hard and do it on our own. To be more clear - we are most likely to find true success and joy in our lives if we turn to God in faith AND strive to do all in our power to accomplish our goals. In the words of Bruce R. McConkie:

. . . implicit in asking in faith is the precedent requirement that we do everything in our power to accomplish the goal we seek. We use the agency with which we have been endowed. We use every faculty and capacity and ability that we possess to bring about the eventuality that may be involved.

It has been my experience that true faith in Christ leads me to action (works) and that as I do all in my power trusting that God will help me (and sometimes that means He helps me see why I can't have, or actually don't want, what I thought I did) I see His hand in my life - and as I recognize His hand in my life, my faith is strengthened.

Most of the time I don't feel like I have balance in my life - but, I am so very grateful for the chance I have to seek balance and for the direction and guidance that the principles and teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ provide as I push forward in my quest.

Strength from God

I've been reading the Book of Mormon looking for examples of how the Lord strengthens people or examples where someone does something in the strength of the Lord. This has been a neat experience, and I wanted to share something I recently learned reading with this lens.

In the Book of Mormon, there is a considerable amount of history recounted that has to do with wars being fought between two peoples - the Nephites (generally speaking, the good guys) and the Lamanites (generally speaking, the bad guys). In the 58th chapter of the book of Alma the people of Nephi are seeking to protect themselves from the people of Nephi.

10 Therefore we did pour out our souls in prayer to God, that he would strengthen us and deliver us out of the hands of our enemies, yea, and also give us strength that we might retain our cities, and our lands, and our possessions, for the support of our people. (Alma 58:10)

What really struck me in this verse was that the people had to pour out their souls pleading for God to give them strength.

Then I read on:

11 Yea, and it came to pass that the Lord our God did visit us with assurances that he would deliver us; yea, insomuch that he did speak peace to our souls, and did grant unto us great faith, and did cause us that we should hope for our deliverance in him.(Alma 58:11)

So often the strength the Lord grants unto us is "peace to our souls" and "great faith" that allows us to hope. I truly feel that peace is a source of strength from the Lord, and I want to express gratitude for the peace that God has granted unto me.

Fear

"What am I going to do? I need a job!"

My mind was full of fear and those thoughts as I laid in bed trying to force my body to fall asleep (still adjusting to being back in my time zone . . .)

"Heavenly Father, I know that thou art aware of me, and I believe that everything will work out."

As I turned to God in prayer, I felt a great sense of peace wash over me. My mind was calmed. I again felt that everything would be okay. I was also reminded that someone recently counseled me to hand my fears over to God and let my faith push out my fear.

How grateful I am that is possible - and that I got to experience it again last night!

In the words of President Thomas S. Monson: “My beloved brothers and sisters, fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith.” (PS the whole article this was quoted in is worth a read)

Learning about myself

I love to do jigsaw puzzles. I've pretty much always loved them, and I'm pretty good at them. In fact, when we got to decide on a class group activity in first-grade I decided to bring puzzles. One of the reasons I like puzzles is because they are a challenge, can involve many people, but are not inherently competitive in nature. There are no individual winners - every one can work together towards a desired end.

The quote of the day on my to-do list the other day made me realize another reason I like puzzles:

"A good puzzle, it's a fair thing. Nobody is lying. It's very clear, and the problem depends just on you." - Erno Rubik

That last phrase: "the problem depends just on you."

I don't think I have realized how deeply I desire to take care of things on my own. I think being self-sufficient is a good goal. I also think it can be carried to an unhealthy extreme. Time to do some pondering about where on that spectrum I am right now :)

The Stripling Warriors Sisters

I grew up hearing stories about how amazing "the stripling warriors" were. These were young men who fought courageously to defend their country and to keep their fathers from breaking an oath they made to never to take up arms against another human being.

They really were amazing individuals, and I'm glad I heard their stories. Check this out:

47 Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.

48 And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it.

Alma 56:47-48

When I was in college, I got to thinking - why don't we know anything about the sisters of these incredible young men? Surely they had to be incredible people too, right?

On a plane to or from my parents home and college I was thinking about those wonderful young women and I wrote the following poem:

I was the sister of a stripling warrior -
His mother was my mother,
What she taught him, she taught me too.
The things he came to know, I too know.
He did not doubt the Lord, nor did I
Our faith won us battles,
His in war, mine at home -
And both in life.

Recently a former professor of mine shared an address about honor he gave to the incoming freshman class of 2015 at my undergraduate institution. His reasons for living an honorable life sum up how I feel about this topic:

I live an honorable life when I remember that my life is not my own. I live an honorable life when I embrace the gifts and acknowledge the sacrifices of those who came before me: gifts and sacrifices that made possible all that is good in my life. What I do with these gifts, what I do with my life, reflects on these gift givers.

I am grateful for the lives of the stripling warriors - and their sisters - and for the fact that the experiences of the stripling warriors were recorded so I can learn from them, and seek to honor them by how I live my life now.

Focus on the soda not the can

If you said I had a slight obsession with Andy Grammer I wouldn't contradict you. I am a sucker for thought provoking lyrics and catchy tunes. I think Andy Grammer does both well.

In his song "Numbers" he talks about our tendency to focus on outward appearance

Only talk to people who we think we might be kissin'
That's a lot of ideas to be dismissing

And the tragedy behind thinking about people in terms of their outward appearance

The value of personality seems to be dead

He doesn't claim to not fall into this trap - admitting that his "calculators' way over used" both in how he thinks about himself and in how he views those around him.

The thing that really caught my attention is his final line:

I need a formula or some sort of plan to focus on the soda not the can

I've heard that concept before:

. . . the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart. 1 Samuel 16:7

The analogy of the soda and the can is a great one - really, it doesn't matter what packaging something is in, it doesn't change the properties of what is inside. I also really like the idea that we can create a new formula or a plan for our self making it easier to get to the heart rather than staying caught up by the can.

Hope

Someone recently told me that I am full of hope. This got me thinking about what I should hope for. I believe that my hope should be in and through Christ, but what exactly should I hope for?

I turned to the scriptures and found the following answers:

1. Mercy, through the Atonement of Christ (see Psalms 33:22)
2. Peace and comfort (see Psalms 42:11)
3. Salvation, or rewards in the life to come (see Proverbs 14:32)
4. Positive change in others (see Proverbs 19:18)
5. Eternal life (see Titus 1:2)
6. A better world (see Ether 12:4)
7. The ability to endure all things (see Article of Faith 13)

I do firmly believe that things will work out. Even if things get crazy, or hard or crazy hard. Even if there is pain and uncertainty and life doesn't go how we hoped it would. I believe a loving Heavenly Father has my best interests in mind and knows what I need to learn and grow and to ultimately be happy.

Especially in times of transition or uncertainty in my life, I find myself talking with people about how I know things will work out - the only questions are when, and what will happen between now and then. So I choose to have hope. I choose to give thanks that I am given opportunities to grow and be stretched - "all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good" (Doctrine and Covenants 122:7)

This I know!

Perspective

God only asks that each of us do the best we can. For Christ, that was living a perfect life and atoning for the sins of all mankind. For the rest of us, it is seeking to repent each time we fall and ensuring that Christ's Atonement was not for naught.

As someone at Church put it today: Someday we will be able to be perfect all on our own, but for now we have the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

Beautiful!

I'm listening to what?

So I love, love, love music. I have a pretty eclectic taste in songs/artists. I'm particularly a sucker for lyrics I can relate to or that speak truth to my soul.

The other day I was listening to the radio and suddenly really heard some lyrics and had to pause to ask myself what I was actually listening to:

Tonight I will love love you tonight
Give me everything tonight
For all we know we might not get tomorrow

"Give Me Everything" by Pitbull, Ne-Yo, Nayer and Afrojack

Seriously? It hit me that this song perpetuates an "eat, drink and be merry" philosophy. A philosophy that really I can not support.

The Book of Mormon talks about this very mindset:

7 Yea, and there shall be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die; and it shall be well with us.

8 And there shall also be many which shall say: Eat, drink, and be merry; nevertheless, fear God—he will justify in committing a little sin; yea, lie a little, take the advantage of one because of his words, dig a pit for thy neighbor; there is no harm in this; and do all these things, for tomorrow we die; and if it so be that we are guilty, God will beat us with a few stripes, and at last we shall be saved in the kingdom of God.

2 Nephi 28: 7-8

The thing is, it's true - we might not get tomorrow. However, it doesn't follow then that we can or should use that to justify doing anything, especially something we know is not appropriate or in the best interest of ourselves and those around us.

Jesus Christ taught about this in a parable about a rich man:

17 And he thought within himself, saying, What shall I do, because I have no room where to bestow my fruits?

18 And he said, This will I do: I will pull down my barns, and build greater; and there will I bestow all my fruits and my goods.

19 And I will say to my soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry.

20 But God said unto him, Thou fool, this night thy soul shall be required of thee: then whose shall those things be, which thou hast provided?

21 So is he that layeth up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.

Luke 12: 17-21

I know that death is not the end. I know that God loves His children and wants them to make good, righteous choices so they can live with Him again after this life. I want to be more aware of when I am choosing to surround myself in an "eat, drink and be merry" atmosphere so I can fight it and make wiser choices.

A few thoughts . . .

I was flipping through a notebook that I use to write insights in while I'm reading my scriptures on public transit. As I read the passage below, I realized I really needed to remember that lesson or thought that I had, so I decided to share it . . .

Dwelling only on how far we've got to go and what we've done wrong while ignoring what we have done right and improvements we have made is like focusing only on what we don't have and not being grateful for what we do have.

Man, sometimes I am surprised by things that I have thought and recorded. But boy am I glad that I do think them, and do record them!

I'm also reminded of some words from Elder Neil A Maxwell:

"The first thing to be said of this feeling of inadequacy is that it is normal. There is no way the Church can honestly describe where we must yet go and what we must yet do without creating a sense of immense distance. Following celestial road signs while in telestial traffic jams is not easy, especially when we are not just moving next door—or even across town.

In a Kingdom where perfection is an eventual expectation, each other’s needs for improvement have a way of being noticed."

So, I will feel inadequate sometime (or even often). Others will be aware of my flaws, and I definitely will be painfully aware of them. However, if I keep my focus on where I want to go, acknowledge the progress I've made and remind myself that with Christ I can get there, I know I'll be okay.

Elder Maxwell put this far better than I can:

"Yes, brothers and sisters, this is a gospel of grand expectations, but God’s grace is sufficient for each of us. Discouragement is not the absence of adequacy but the absence of courage . . ."

Leaving a Trail

“Do not go where there the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

There was an ad campaign up at my Metro stop for a long time with that quote. I've been thinking a lot about the choices I have made over the past few years and how many times I have "chosen the path less traveled" (to borrow Frost's metaphor). Or maybe it is just "the path I never thought I would find myself on" - Either way, I find myself being told by people that I am brave. Brave to just pick up and move on. Brave to move to a new city without a job (more than once).

Do I feel brave? No. Sometime I feel rather foolish. Those are crazy things to do. And in many ways they go against my methodical, list making, planning personality. But, I have to admit that things have always worked out when I choose to leave the comfortable path I find myself on and pursue a new course I feel prompted to follow - or when I listen to a prompting to leave my old path without knowing exactly what the new path is.

As I thought about that tonight, I realized I am in good company. Centuries ago a young man named Nephi was directed by his father to go back to the land they had just fled from in order to complete a task - getting the brass plates. These brass plates were important because they held the history of his ancestors and more importantly because they contained the word of God.

Whenever I feel like I have been led by God to do something, a part of me expects it to be easy. Or for all of my actions to be guided. So often that is not the case for me, and it was not the case for Nephi either. He followed his fathers directions to go back. He tried two times with his brothers to get the plates with no success. Did he give up? No. He goes a third time, and this time he says, "And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do." (1 Nephi 4:6). He succeeds.

What this teaches me right now is that we don't have to see a path in front of us. We can go forward and we can be successful. And when we look back, we may be surprised to see how clear the path behind us is - far to clear to be random or just some detour on an un-traveled or un-planned path.

God Bless the USA

I would describe myself as someone who loves America. I love the 4th of July celebrations and many of the associated songs (Confession: when I was about 9 my cousin and I memorized all the words to "God Bless the USA" by Lee Greenwood and would sing it at the top of our lungs in my grandparents backyard . . .)

Some of my favorite lines from patriotic songs:

"If tomorrow all the things were gone
I'd worked for all my life,
And I had to start again
with just my children and my wife,
I'd thank my lucky stars
to be living here today,
'Cause the flag still stands for freedom
and they can't take that away."

- God Bless the USA, Lee Greenwood

"America! America!
God shed his grace on thee
And crown thy good with brotherhood
From sea to shining sea!
. . .
America! America!
God mend thine every flaw"

- America the Beautiful, Katharine Lee Bates

"from every mountainside let freedom ring!
. . .
I love thy rocks and rills,
thy woods and templed hills;
my heart with rapture thrills, like that above."

- My Country, 'Tis of Thee, Samuel F. Smith

"Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!
Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust" "

- The Star Spangled Banner, Francis Scott Key

Now, I know that not everyone in this great nation believes in or worships God. I'm grateful that they and I can live and work side by side. I also know that not everyone thinks we should be proud of America.

George Bernard Shaw said: "Patriotism is your conviction that this county is superior to all other countries because you were born in it."

I don't think this has to be true - or that this is THE definition of Patriotism. When I first read this quote, it reminded me of a quote that hung in my locker all through high school - it went something like this:

'Learn to love yourself without comparing yourself to others. This will help you love yourself properly without conceit.'

I'm not saying I am good at this, or even that I actually know how. I am saying I love the concept, and it is something I strive to do. I have even worked to learn this lesson in relation to places I have lived - is the West better than the East or the South? I don't think so. I love them all - they all have wonderful and beautiful things about them. While I have never lived outside the USA, I am sure the same thing is true of other countries in comparison to here.

Sure, America's not perfect. I'll repeat the plea in America the Beautiful - "God mend thine every flaw". But, I'm still grateful for all the wonderful things about this place I call home. And I'll repeat: "God bless the USA!" bless us to become better, bless us to be grateful for what we have and bless us to treat one another as brothers and sisters.

One of THOSE Days

One day while in grad school I was walking home in the pouring rain and realized I either had to laugh or cry. So, I started singing "Bring on the Rain" at the top of my lungs.

Yep, just my luck. Some man on the third floor balcony of a multi-family house laughs and shouts some encouraging words to me. I stop singing and skipping down the sidewalk and waved my thanks.

Today there was no physical rain, but I still felt like singing this song:

Another day has almost come and gone
Can't imagine what else could go wrong
Sometimes I'd like to hide away somewhere and lock the door
A single battle lost but not the war ('cause)

Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

It's almost like the hard times circle 'round
A couple drops and they all start coming down
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
And I might hang my head
I might be barely breathing - but I'm not dead, no ('cause)

Tomorrow's another day
And I'm thirsty anyway
So bring on the rain

I'm not gonna let it get me down
I'm not gonna cry
And I'm not gonna lose any sleep tonight ('cause)

Tomorrow's another day
And I am not afraid
So bring on the rain

- Bring on the Rain, Jo Dee Massina

Going Old School

When I think of songs from my early teenage years, All Star by Smashmouth is always high on that list (along with The Middle by Jimmy Eat World).

There is a particular set of lines that have always stood out to me - and that seem particularly poignant to me lately:

"Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas
I need to get myself away from this place
I said yep what a concept
I could use a little fuel myself
And we could all use a little change"

- All Star, Smashmouth

For some reason, this has been linked pretty directly to the Hymn "Because I have Been Given Much" - check out these lyrics:

Because I have been given much, I too must give.

Because of thy great bounty, Lord each day I live.

I shall divide my gifts from thee with every brother that I see,

who has the need of help from me.

Because I have been sheltered, fed by thy good care…

I cannot see another’s lack and I not share-

my glowing fire, my loaf of bread-my roof’s safe shelter over head,

that he too may be comforted.

I often wonder if I really feel that way - or do I fall into the trap of "coveting what I do not have" or just not sharing what I do have?

21And now, if God, who has created you, on whom you are dependent for your lives and for all that ye have and are, doth grant unto you whatsoever ye ask that is right, in faith, believing that ye shall receive, O then, how ye ought to impart of the substance that ye have one to another.

22And if ye judge the man who putteth up his petition to you for your substance that he perish not, and condemn him, how much more just will be your condemnation for withholding your substance, which doth not belong to you but to God, to whom also your life; and yet ye put up no petition, nor repent of the thing which thou hast done.

23I say unto you, wo be unto that man, for his substance shall perish with him; and now, I say these things unto those who are rich as pertaining to the things of this world.

24And again, I say unto the poor, ye who have not and yet have sufficient, that ye remain from day to day; I mean all you who deny the beggar, because ye have not; I would that ye say in your hearts that: I give not because I have not, but if I had I would.

25And now, if ye say this in your hearts ye remain guiltless, otherwise ye are condemned; and your condemnation is just for ye covet that which ye have not received.

- Mosiah 4:21-25

This all makes me think. It makes me examine how I feel in my heart when someone asks for spare change. It makes me contemplate what it is that I have that I can give. And I've seen some great examples in my life - friends who have handed over change, who have taken time to talk and express love in various ways, friends who have purchased meals, stories of people carrying around gift certificates for food to hand out. There are certainly things I can do to show the love I have towards my fellow men - ways to provide fuel and change - I just have to do them.

Just a line

Pandora Radio is one of my best friends at work these days. There was a song that played with just one line that I felt was just for me:

"Keep on walking towards that new life that you found"

- Take it Back, Sister Hazel

If you look up the song, pay no attention to any of the other lyrics or underlying theme. But, know that I am doing my best to keep looking forward and walking towards my new life . . . whatever it brings!

Grateful for the Chance to Choose!

Today in Relief Society we talked about agency - one of my favorite principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Our lesson today was based on a talk from President Thomas S. Monson in General Conference November 2010 - The Three R's of Choice. Below are my favorite two paragraphs from his talk:

"We know that we had our agency before this world was and that Lucifer attempted to take it from us. He had no confidence in the principle of agency or in us and argued for imposed salvation. He insisted that with his plan none would be lost, but he seemed not to recognize—or perhaps not to care—that in addition, none would be any wiser, any stronger, any more compassionate, or any more grateful if his plan were followed.

We who chose the Savior’s plan knew that we would be embarking on a precarious, difficult journey, for we walk the ways of the world and sin and stumble, cutting us off from our Father. But the Firstborn in the Spirit offered Himself as a sacrifice to atone for the sins of all. Through unspeakable suffering He became the great Redeemer, the Savior of all mankind, thus making possible our successful return to our Father."

And that brings me to my lyrics for the day:

"Know then that ev'ry soul is free,
To choose his life and what he'll be;
For this eternal truth is given,
That God will force no man to heaven.

He'll call, persuade direct aright;,
And bless with wisdom, love, and light;
In nameless ways be good and kind;
But never force the human mind."

Know This, That Every Soul Is Free, Hymn 240 in LDS Hymnbook

I can't even express how much I LOVE this - God won't force us to do what is right. BUT, He will provide us with help and direction if we are willing to ask for and follow His guidance.

What are the Answers?

"Take your headphones off little girl
Listen to the sounds of the world
Put your heart into it,
It's all intuitive.

Paint a picture black and white
Write a book about the meaning of life
You gotta use what you've been given
To change the world you're livin' in.

What would you do with all the answers?"

- Afterglow, Ian Axel

The last line above is what keeps running through my mind.

Honestly, I don't know. And it might, no - it would depend on what the answers are.

But, I'd like to think I would correct some of the gross injustices of the world. Take this one for example:

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ln9aa10UAg1qzqlvro1_500.png

I'm Not Mahana

Over the past year of so I have grown so much in ways that I did not anticipate and could not have predicted.

There have been a few key people who have been instrumental in my personal growth . . . and I can’t imagine where I would be right now without them!

Recently I had one of those late night pity parties/why sessions: why can’t I get married – am I just not good enough? What am I doing wrong? And I typed all my heartfelt feelings to my friend. His response? Not what I expected, but just what I needed to hear. You see, most people would have said “oh no, there’s nothing wrong with you, you are pretty!” Instead, he said: “No, no, no you can't think about things that way. You'll go insane.” And then, “you can't place your value on getting married. You just can't. You contribute too much to get caught up on one thing.”

It is amazing to me how people can do such little things and those little things can have such a profound impact in our lives.

That same friend introduced me to a song with a line that could say “definition of Nicole” in front of it:

"In the depths of her interior
Were fears she was inferior."

- Ah, but Underneath, Follies by Stephen Sondheim

As I thought about my conversations, experiences, thoughts and feelings I have had over the past year or so, I learned something very, very interesting about myself. There is a part of me – a huge, mostly sub-conscious part of me, that has felt like Mahana. Yes, I’m referencing that old school movie Johnny Lingo - the one where the expert trader pays 8 cows (a HUGE) sum for a woman the island thinks is not worth dirt. He takes her away for their honeymoon and comes back with a beautiful woman people can’t believe is really the same Mahana. (you should watch the video . . .)

The thing is, I don’t have external people calling me “Mahana, you ugly” but the voices in my head have said this nearly my whole life.

As I re-watched Johnny Lingo, I realized my answer was there the whole time. While I had focused in on the “fact” that Johnny Lingo made Mahana beautiful by believing in her, he knew the truth. At the end of the film, Johnny Lingo says: “Many things can happen to make a woman beautiful. The thing that matters most is what she thinks of herself.”

In the words of a pop song:

“You’re so mean/When you talk/About yourself/You are wrong/Change the voices/In your head/Make them like you/Instead.”

– Pink, Perfect

Like most of us, I am full of insecurities. But one of the things I have learned in the past year is that I am not Mahana – I do not need a man to come along and finally convince me that I am good enough, smart enough, or pretty enough, or spiritual enough - or anything else. I can overcome my insecurities. I can learn to love myself.

My new goal:

“I'm not perfect
Don't have to be
Can walk around in just bare feet
I'm comfortable in my own skin
My confidence, it starts within”

- Natasha Bedingfield Sojourn lyrics

Song Lyrics that Speak to My Soul

Lately I've been on a kick of posting song lyrics on Facebook/gchat. I think you can learn a lot from a phrase here or there. My challenge to myself is to post a lyric/set of lyrics a day for a week - with or without commentary.

Hope you enjoy!

"Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring"

Free to be Me, by Francesca Battistelli

This pretty much sums up how I have felt my whole life, and especially how I feel right now as I search for a job in a new city . . .

One Step at a Time

Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene—one step enough for me.

Lead, Kindly Light Hymn 97

This is a time in my life when I can truly say I am content to only know one step at a time. And when I start to feel overwhelmed by what is in the distant scene, I have found great peace in focusing on what the next step is.