It's the Little Things

My whole life little things have been very important to me. It was always little things that made me happy - and mad for that matter. My brothers and my parents can testify to that I'm sure :) There are pros and cons to this outlook on life. When I was going to school in Virginia, one of my roommates loved to give me a hard time about how happy little things would make me. She told me one day that she was going to make a list of little things that made me happy to give to my husband someday. They included things like vanilla scented trash bags, swinging at the park, hearing a song I like on the radio, having someone smile or say hello to me . . . I just laughed and told her I'd rather be happy with little things and be happy a lot than to wait for big things to make me happy and spend a lot of time waiting.

There is a scripture that always comes to mind when I think about the power of little things. It is in The Book of Mormon in Alma 37:6 and says: "Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise." I have always loved that! I like to think about the difference I could potentially make through the little actions I take. And I like to acknowledge the little things that have made a great difference for me.

Recently I had some wonderful experiences that reminded me of this great truth, and I want to give a shout out to little things. Things like offering to help with the dishes - and not just offering, but doing them. Taking time to listen - really listen and remember what someone says. Respecting the feelings and concerns people have, but being willing to gently nudge them towards something wonderful. Being sincere. Recognizing good in those around you - and pointing it out to them. Playing Legos with little boys. Finding adventures in everyday events. Taking time to look past yourself and notice the needs and feelings of others. Asking others to help you learn a new skill. Following through with a promise made. Sharing stories - listening and telling. Giving hugs hello - and goodbye :)

There are so many wonderful little things in life. And, there are also a great deal of little negative things in life - things that can weigh us down, and make us forget what we really want and how to be truly happy. I'm grateful for the great things that come from small things and for the times in my life that I do allow little things to make a positive and not a negative impact on me. I'm reminded of a quote that my brother recently sent me in an email: "Sometimes we need to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy." I think that is what being happy over little things can do for us - allow us to pause in our pursuit of happiness to just be happy.

Collective Potential

I'm currently reading a fantastic book called "Standing for Something: 10 Neglected Virtues that will Heal Our Hearts and Homes" by Gordon B. Hinckley. It has given me a lot to think about. In the chapter "Making a Case for Morality" he talks about how we can make a difference in our overall society by the individual choices we make. Says Hinckley "It all begins with our own personal choice. Reformation of the world begins with reformation of self."

As I was pondering this, wondering how well I'm doing at living a moral life and what I can do to further reform myself, I had a few interesting thoughts. First, I thought about how we influence each other and how grateful I am for the good people in my life who both set a good example and make it easy for me to maintain my standards. Then I had this thought: we can not collectively be what we individually are not. However, a few minutes, or maybe even only seconds, of thought made me realize this is not true, and I am so grateful that it is not true.

Perhaps a movie reference can help me illustrate this point. Remember the Titans is one of my favorite movies. It tells the story of a football team at a high school in Virginia the first year the school integrated blacks and whites. There is tension within the team, the coaching staff, the school, and the community. Coach Boone is a tough coach who expects a lot from the boys on the team. He demands that they do their best, he pushes them to get past their animosity towards each other and work together. He tells the team: "We will be perfect in every aspect of the game. You drop a pass, you run a mile. You miss a blocking assignment, you run a mile. You fumble the football, and I will break my foot off in your John Brown hind parts and then you will run a mile. Perfection. Let's go to work."

One night during their pre-season camp things come together, they start acting like a team. Despite the great challenges from within and without the team triumphantly enters the state championship game undefeated. They are up against a very good team, and at half time they are having a rough time. Coach Boone tells the team: "It's all right. We're in a fight. You boys are doing all that you can do. Anybody can see that. Win or lose... We gonna walk out of this stadium tonight with our heads held high. Do your best. That's all anybody can ask for." To which Julius Campbell, one of the players, replies: "No, it ain't Coach. With all due respect, uh, you demanded more of us. You demanded perfection. Now, I ain't saying that I'm perfect, 'cause I'm not. And I ain't gonna never be. None of us are. But we have won every single game we have played till now. So this team is perfect. We stepped out on that field that way tonight. And, uh, if it's all the same to you, Coach Boone, that's how we want to leave it." And they do, the perfect season, 16-0.

Remembering that scene made me realize that collectively we can be so much more than we can be individually. And, if we learn how to depend on one another, how to develop our own strengths and know when to lean on the strengths of others we can do amazing things. We can collectively be what we individually are incapable of being, and do things together that would never be possible on our own.

Sacrifice

I was sitting in one of my last classes for my Developing Sustainable Communities course this past semester and we were talking about what we had learned and how to use what we had learned to help others. The word "sacrifice" came up; as in someone may have to make a sacrifice to get what they really want and in order to do what is good for the whole rather than the individual. My professor quickly suggested that we might not want to frame things as a sacrifice, people they won't want to hear that they have to give something up.

The concept of sacrifice is not new to me, nor do I see it as a bad thing. Thus, I was really surprised by the reaction of my professor. He was adamant that we should be careful how we phrase things. Sacrifice is not a word people want to hear, nor a principle that they want to apply in their lives so we should not suggest it. I raised my hand and shared my view that people already sacrifice things and not talking about it doesn't change that. I suggested it may be more a matter of helping people become aware of the sacrifices, or trade-offs, they are already making rather than trying to make them believe that they must make sacrifices.

This principle and the conversation in my class came back to me as I was reading up on personal finances and the role of distinguishing between wants and needs. The article said it was vital to learn that sacrifice is necessary to become disciplined. It hit me that people may not want to hear something, but often what we don't want to hear is exactly what we need to hear.

Sacrifice can be viewed in terms of what we must give up now or in what we are hoping to gain in the long run because of our discipline and choices now. I personally like to think about if what I am hoping to gain is worth what I am choosing to give up. Weighing the trade-offs can both help change tracks if we are not really going where we want, or if what we have to give up now turns out to be too high a cost and can strengthen the resolve to continue exercising discipline when the end goal is worth the necessary sacrifice.

Strengths and Weaknesses

Yesterday I was having a conversation with a good friend and I commented that I wasn't sure if it was a blessing or a curse that I tend to be a deep thinker. He said often our greatest strengths are also challenges. I laughed, because I have found this to be very true in my life. (I think it relates to the need for balance in our lives. I'll have to write more about the idea of balance another time - it is a concept I really love!)

This morning I was thinking about that idea again. It hit me that the reverse is also true. Our biggest weaknesses can also at times be strengths, or be turned into strengths. That reminded me of a scripture in the Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ that reads: "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." Ether 12:27

What a wonderful thing. To me, this is all about progress, about becoming a better person. Does that mean it is easy, no. Life has a way of teaching me over and over again that most things that are worth doing, and that are truly rewarding, are not easy. Those worth pursuits often require effort and struggle. And, are totally worth it once accomplished, even if that is hard to remember during the battle.

No More Than We Can Handle

Life is an interesting thing. I often find myself feeling overwhelmed and wondering how in the world I'll be able to do everything required of me. I also find myself from time to time trying to explain to someone why I hold myself to the standards I do. In both cases I find solace in the teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ and my testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This is something no one can take from me. It is also something I can't give to anyone else. I can offer them a chance to learn and grow and come to know truth, but I can't make anyone understand.

I want to share a few scriptures that help me and bring me comfort as I face things that are hard or that I don't understand:

In the Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ a man named Nephi is asked by his father who is a prophet called of God to carry out a task. When Nephi's brothers question whether or not to follow through with the direction that came from God through the prophet, Nephi responded in faith saying: "I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."1 Nephi 3:7 Nephi's faith was not in vain, he was able to accomplish the task he was given.

In the New Testament (King James version of the Bible), Paul, one of the twelve disciples of Jesus Christ, shares his testimony with the Philippians. He is in prison and writes to strengthen and cheer the people. Despite theawful circumstances in which he found himself, Paul shares that one of the things he has learned is to be content with whatsoever state he finds himself in. Then he assures the Philippians, and perhaps himself as well, "I can do all things through Christ whichstrengtheneth me." Philippians 4:13

In the Doctrine and Covenants, a collection of revelations from God mainly to Joseph Smith, the Lord Jesus Christ gives the following council: "Stop and stand still until I command thee, and I will provide means whereby thoumayest accomplish the thing which I have commanded thee. And if thou art faithful in keeping my commandments, thou shalt be lifted up at the last day"
Doctrine and Covenants 5:34-35

I have found these things to be true in my own life. I too know that there is nothing I have been asked to do by God that I have not been enabled to accomplish. Despite this, at times the things that I am asked to do at the moment seem too hard. In those moments I try to remember like Paul that through Christ's help I can do anything, and likeNephi that if the Lord commands, he will provide a way. It also helps me to remember that blessings and help are conditional upon my faith and efforts to move forward with the command I have been given.

Redistributive Policies

Today in my Economics review I was able to give voice to some of my concerns about redistributive policies. There were three specific thoughts that came out of the feelings of unease I've felt for years about this. In theory it sounds good, and I agree with many of the principles, but couldn't completely jump on board.

First, redistributive policies can hurt more than they help. I don't think this WILL happen I think this CAN happen and should be something that is considered and that they possible negative impacts are accounted for and protected against as well as possible. Some of the potential negative consequences include a disincentive to work, both at the top and the bottom. If it is more financially beneficial to not work and get a welfare check, it may happen. If there is going to be too much of your paycheck taken away if you make over a certain amount, what is the incentive to work as hard as you can? The cost of transferring wealth can be more than the wealth that is being redistributed. Now, these are some of the arguments that I have heard over and over again and I think are not good enough reasons not to try to make a difference and help those who really need help making ends meet.

Another unease I felt comes from the fact that what we call "wealth redistribution" is actually not. We rarely give someone money. Rather, we provide services. These may or many not meet the individual needs of the families we are seeking to serve. It is great that small children can in theory have access to healthy food through the WIC program or to decent pre-schools through Head Start. But what if what they need is a warm jacket? Taxes are the biggest form of wealth distribution in this nation that I know of. Taxes don't always go to help those who need it most. Often they go to help everyone - better roads, or national defense do not help those who have less more than they help those how have a lot.

Among my classmates there tends to be be a Robin Hood feel to talk about wealth redistribution. That is not the way it actually works. We do not take from the rich and give it to the poor. I think in some ways I would feel better about things if that was more how it happened. But, even that is not compeltely true. I hear almost no end to the wonders of Sweden and its socialized medicine etc., but I remain unconvinced that it is the best thing since sliced bread and America is the worst. I belive there are pros and cons to each. Comparing the best of one to the worst of another does little justice to either.

I do think we need to do more to help people thrive. Do we all have to have the same amount of money or things? I don't think so. Do we all need to have a safe warm place to sleep, food to eat, honorable work to do, a chance to learn and grow? I think so. I believe we should work towards having a better way of dealing with these things at the goverment level, but I also believe there is a lot that individuals and non-profits can, and in many cases already are, doing to raise the level at which all humanity operates. May we all do a little more good, help one another a little more, be a little more generous with what we have. That is my wish.

True Love

A few days ago I was watching TV - something I don't often do. After channel flipping for awhile we found a documentary about The Cosby show. The actors were talking about their experiences filming the show and some of their favorite, and funniest memories. Malcom-Jamal Warner, who played Theo for those familiar with the show, was sharing one of his favorite memories and I thought there was a powerful lesson in his story.

He said part of the reason he loved being in this cast was that it was different from most other shows about families. In one episode, he is in his room with his father talking about a recent report card and they play a clip from the show. It turns out Theo has been getting D's in his classes. His father is predictably unhappy about this. Theo turns to his dad and starts expressing his view that he isn't smart like his doctor father and that his father needs to just accept him for who he is and not expect him to be just like him. At this point, they shift from the clip back to Malcom. He says that in any other show, the music would have cued and the father and son would have embraced. Then he laughs as they shift back to the clip. Dr. Huxtable sits up from his launging position and says "Now that is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" He goes on to explain that he expects his son to do his best, and he knows his son is capable of more than D's. He says he expects his son to make an effort. Then he walks out of the room, turns around walks back in and tells his son "come here" and then he gives him a hug.

My father did plenty of things like that as I was growing up. He filled his role as my mentor, guide, coach, disciplinarian, loving advocate. He was not afriad to push me and help me learn. He set boundaries and standards and then held me to them and did his best to enable me to reach my goals. He did not allow me to short change myself. There were moments when like Theo I wanted to be accepted for "who I am" or what I thought I was capable of. Looking back I am so grateful for my father, and other amazing people in my life that wouldn't let me settle for what I thought was my best but instead guided me toward what they knew I could become.

I am also very grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who does the same thing. He has provided me with commandments and standards. Sometimes they seem unattainable. Sometimes I want to just be accepted for who I am now. But ultimately that is not what I want. I want to be guided to greater joy and accomplishment. I want to have lasting joy through doing what is asked of me through the growth that comes from doing what seemed too hard and not fleeting happiness from settling for what seems good enough to me now. I hope that at least in the end I will always be grateful for those in my life who will tell me "That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" and expect more from me than I'd be willing to give on my own.