Faith Restored in Humanity

I've had a rough week.

Yesterday was particularly challenging - so much so that last night I looked up a talk from a few years ago I heard where a little boy tells his mom "Hope ya know we had a hard time" and cried.

I was very grateful for some reassurances from people I love and who know me well. But you know what really restored my faith in humanity today? a fork :)

In my hurry to eat lunch and rush to the train on my way to a meeting I wasn't looking forward to I dropped my fork. I was trying to work out in my head how to manage without it when I heard someone from a street food truck calling out.

My first thought was he wanted someone to buy something from him. Not the case - he was telling me, "Miss, we have forks!"

Such a simple thing. I gratefully accepted the fork and then noticed several other things to be grateful for - someone holding a door open, a "bless you" after a sneeze...

People are great. Life is good!

What do I have time for?

I just finished reading Room by Emma Donoghue. Through the whole book, I was impressed by the way and the things this mother teaches this son. And I couldn't help feeling like I could benefit from a lot of the wisdom shared.

Towards the beginning Jack and his Ma have a great conversation:

"My teeth feel a bit better if I stop thinking about them," she tells me.
"How come?"
"It's called mind over matter. If we don't mind, it doesn't matter."

What if we all did that? Didn't mind about things that didn't matter? And choose not to make too big a deal about things that we do mind? So that they don't "matter" in the way that just creates more frustration and drama in our life. That would be so cool!

Jack also realizes the human side of people, and that one act doesn't define a person. He says it best in this comment/ observation about his Ma:

She's not mean, but sometimes she does mean things.

And by "mean things" he means things that 5-year-olds don't want to have to do – momentary dislike for long-term good.

I think I like most (maybe because it so accurately reflects my life right now…) something from the end of the book:

In the world I notice persons are nearly always stressed and have no time. Even Grandma often says that, but she and Steppa don't have jobs, so I don't know how persons with jobs do the job sand all the living as well. In Room me and Ma had time for everything. I guess the time gets spread very thin like butter over all the world, the roads and houses and playgrounds and stores, so there's only a little smear of tie on each place, then everyone has to hurry on to the next bit.

Why do we do that? Hurry from one thing to the next and always talk about how busy or stressed we are? And even a better question – how do we do the job and the living thing? I sure want to know!

But, in some ways, I do already know. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf talked about this very thing in General Conference in October 2010

Let’s be honest; it’s rather easy to be busy. We all can think up a list of tasks that will overwhelm our schedules. Some might even think that their self-worth depends on the length of their to-do list. They flood the open spaces in their time with lists of meetings and minutia—even during times of stress and fatigue. Because they unnecessarily complicate their lives, they often feel increased frustration, diminished joy, and too little sense of meaning in their lives.

Then President Uchtdorf reminds us that we don't have to stay in this crazy busy pattern:

There is a beauty and clarity that comes from simplicity that we sometimes do not appreciate in our thirst for intricate solutions.

I find that it is easier for me to keep things simple – to keep things in perspective – when I focus on living the gospel of Jesus Christ. When I make time to pray and read my scriptures and serve others.

Which reminds me of some other great advice (that I need to implement in my life again right now...)

When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives. Our love of the Lord will govern the claims for our affection, the demands on our time, the interests we pursue, and the order of our priorities.
- President Ezra Taft Benson

So, I've been trying to slow down a little bit. To ask if I really need to do something or am just in a cycle of craving busyness and a long to-do list. And most importantly to make time for the little things that keep me close to God. Yes, that means that I might not mark quite as many things off my to-do list, but over the past few days I've found that it doesn't stress me out so much. That I am still able to do what I really need to – and recognize what those things are.

Creating Joy

On Sunday I heard an incredible lesson about our power/ ability to create.

We began the lesson by watching an incredible video. And then talked about a story comparing and contrasting the husband's view of his cooking with his wife's view of hers.

I’m sure it comes as no surprise, but the differences between men and women can often be quite striking—physically and mentally, as well as emotionally. One of the best ways I can think of to illustrate this is in the way my wife and I cook a meal.

When Harriet prepares a meal, it’s a masterpiece. Her cuisine is as wide-ranging as the world, and she frequently prepares dishes from countries we have visited. The presentation of the food is awe inspiring. In fact, it often looks so beautiful that it seems a crime to eat it. It’s as much a feast for the eyes as it is for the sense of taste.

But sure enough, no matter how perfect everything is, looks, and tastes, Harriet will apologize for something she thinks is imperfect. “I’m afraid I used a touch too much ginger,” she will say, or, “Next time, I think it would be better if I used a little more curry and one additional bay leaf.”

Let me contrast that with the way I cook. For the purpose of this talk, I asked Harriet to tell me what I cook best.

Her answer: fried eggs.

Sunny-side up.

But that isn’t all. I have a specialty dish called Knusperchen. The name may sound like a delicacy you might find at an exclusive restaurant. Let me share with you how to make it. You cut French bread into small slices and toast them twice.

That is the recipe!

So, between fried eggs, even when they are greasy, and Knusperchen, even when they are burned, when I cook, I feel pretty heroic.

Perhaps this contrast between my wife and me is a slight exaggeration, but it illustrates something that may extend beyond preparing meals.

Why would that be? That some people find themselves apologizing for not being perfect all the time and others feeling heroic for their commendable efforts? Where on that spectrum do I fall? Apologizing for too little curry? Or enjoying the greasy eggs and burnt toast? Focusing more on my imperfections or my accomplishments?

Do I acknowledge what I've done, or only focus on what is not done?

This lesson got me thinking about the candy corn rice krispy's I made for work for Halloween. I was worried they hadn't turned out - that I'd melted the marshmallows too long, that they looked funny since I made them with orange colored marshmallows...

But you know what? My colleagues loved them.

One of them told me I made candy core taste good. And people kept eating more.

Sitting thorugh the lesson on Sunday I realized that while I did create reice krispy treats, what I really created was joy. I shared with others and it made them happy.

That's awesome. That's powerful.

Invisible Angels

A couple times a month I volunteer for a shift in the LDS Temple near my house.

During my shift this weekend we talked about some interesting concepts in our preparation meeting. We talked about the goal of doing our service in the temple so that we are invisible. Not to truly be invisible, but to do our responsibilities well so that we are not distracting those who come from worshiping with God. I liked that idea a lot.

Another thought that was shared was that we’re learning to be angels through our service in the temple. We’re learning how to serve others and to do God’s will.

As I pondered throughout my shift on these thoughts they merged in my head – the concept of being an invisible angel. 

The more I thought about it, the more I liked it. And the more I thought that really the goal conveyed in the idea of being an invisible angel is to be a pure conduit of Gods love to those around us. 

What a cool goal. Everyone can use some more love and understanding and compassion in their life!

Perspective: All in How You Look at Things

Life is such an interesting thing, and so often seems to be full of contradictions.

Reading The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls made me think some about this and why that is and how challenging it can be for children to comprehend. Or maybe how easy it is for adult to ignore or rationalize away...

In this memoir there are so many circumstances shared that you wish could just be fiction. Things that made me frustrated with humanity. And at the same time, everything together made me so impressed and inspired by the resiliency and capacity of human beings. It reminded me that we really do have the ability to choose how we will respond to what happens to us in our lives. We always have a choice. Sometimes making the right one, or the most productive ones, is harder than others, but we always have a choice.

Take this passage, for example:

                  Lori gave me a hug when she heard I'd told off Erma. Mom was upset, though. "We may not agree with all of Erma's views," she said, "but we have to remember that as long as we're her guests, we have to be polite."
                  That didn't seem like Mom. She and Dad happily railed against anyone they disliked or disrespected: Standard Oil executives, J. Edgar Hoover, and especially snobs and racists. They'd always encouraged us to be outspoken about our opinions. Now we were supposed to bite our tongues. But she was right; Erma would boot us. Situations like these, I realized, were what turned people into hypocrites.

"I hate Erma," I told Mom.

"You have to show compassion for her," Mom said. Erma's parents had died when she was young, Mom explained, and she had been shipped off to one relative after another who had treated her like a servant. Scrubbing clothes on a washboard until her knuckles bled--that was the preeminent memory of Erma’s childhood. The best thing Grandpa did for her when they got married was buy her an electric washing machine, but whatever joy it had once given her was long gone.

“Erma can’t let go of her misery,” Mom said. “It’s all she knows.” She added that you should never hate anyone, even your worst enemies. “Everyone has something good about them,” she said. “You have to find the redeeming quality and love the person for that.”

“Oh yeah?” I said. “How about Hitler? What was his redeeming quality?”

“Hitler loved dogs,” Mom said without hesitation. (p 144)

Without giving too much away, this scene opens after a truly horrific encounter that Jeannette and her brother had with their Grandmother, Erma. Something that should never happen, under any circumstances. Something that a parent should ALWAYS try to protect their children from if it ever did happen.

But instead of protecting them, their mother blames and punishes them. It made me ill to read.

But Jeannette is right. There are situations that make it very difficult not to become a hypocrite. What happened should never have happened. And, based on the parents’ behavior earlier in the book, under other circumstances they would have responded in a more appropriate manner in protection of their children. However, they were in a very difficult situation. Do you respond how you should to a situation and find your children without a home? Or, do you bend where you normally wouldn’t and make sure they have a roof over their head? Not a choice anyone wants to have to make. And it seems really easy to look from the outside and say what someone should do. But, if I’m honest, I know I become a hypocrite in difficult situations sometimes too. Situations that are not so dire, and do not impact others so deeply. Who am I to judge? How am I to know what I would do in the same circumstances, faced with the same choices and situations?

And at the same time, this mother who made what I feel was a very poor choice based on what happened to her daughter – the same mother – also teaches a beautiful and powerful lesson about respecting others and searching for the best in them.

Humans really are complicated things.

Changing the World....for the young?

Work has been particularly grueling and draining the past couple of weeks. I've had to remind myself on a number of occasions that I am working towards a good cause, one that I care about and want to see succeed.

I have also been contemplating the fact that so many of the people I work with are incredibly young. Why is that?

One reason for this is offered in the movie Amazing Grace:

William Wilberforce: No one of our age has ever taken power.

Pitt the Younger: Which is why we're too young to realize certain things are impossible. Which is why we will do them anyway.

Is it that the young just do the impossible because they don't believe it is impossible? Or that they haven't gotten practical or cynical (or both...) yet?

I don't know, but this also made me think of some lyrics from the musical, Newsies. A young journalist is commenting on her faith in herself and the ability to do things that no one has done before.

But give me some time, I'll be twice as good as that six months from never.

Just look around at the world we're inheriting

and think of the one we'll create.

Their mistake is they got old, that is not a mistake we'll be making.

No sir, we'll stay young forever!

Give those kids and me the brand new century and watch what happens.

It's David and Goliath do or die

the fight is on and I can't watch what happens.

But all I know is nothing happens if you just give in.

It can't be any worse than how it's been.

And it just so happens that we just might win,

so whatever happens! Let's begin!

     -Watch What Happens, from Newsies, the Musical

While no one can actually avoid the mistake of getting older, I feel that all of us would benefit from adopting more of an attitude that "nothing happens if you just give in...and it just so happens that we just might win, so whatever happens! Let's begin!"

And, it seems to me, that the more important part might be to keep going. Beginning is one thing, but enduring and pushing on when things get hard or take longer than we anticipated is quite another. A passage from a novel I'm reading right now captures what I'm trying to express very well:

"Apparently he was brooding on the magnitude of the task ahead and questioning his ability to carry it out. The job would never be finished, not in his lifetime at least; there was too much to be done. That's true of a lot of things, though, including the achievement of social justice, universal peace, and a world in which there are no hungry children. It's no excuse to stop working towards those ends."

         -Night Train to Memphis by Elizabeth Peters

It seems to me that most things worth doing will not be accomplished in any one person's lifetime. Those tasks are hard, and so often require personal sacrifice. But they are worth working towards. It makes me wonder if part of what happens is that people start to focus on the small part of the puzzle they can impact. They raise their children with love. They reach out to their neighbor in kindness. They live a quiet, good life. Does everyone do that? No. But I think an awful lot of people do, and their cumulative acts of goodness make this world a pretty wonderful place.

One Day at a Time

Recently I heard what could be labeled a tragic story, but is also very inspiring. 

There was a wonderful man who had a wonderful wife and a wonderful family. He was successful in all ways you can think of: wealthy, had a great education and a great job, had many friends and family who loved him, was described by one friend as the best man they ever knew, was strong and healthy, and was a generous, spiritual person.

One day, he got off his treadmill after a run and dropped dead on the spot.

He was young. He left a lot behind – including a family who loved and relied on him.

I don’t know this family personally at all. However, I was the recipient of their generosity through a mutual friend. While at their house, I saw this hanging on their door:

What a great reminder. It can be easy to think of the future as being far in the distance. Something that we will have time for later. Something we don’t need to worry about, or something we don’t control.  And while we never really know what the future will bring, we can always live as if the future is now – something we can shape by the choices we make. And in many ways that is true. We get to make choices every day, and those choices affect us, and those around us, for better or for worse – now, and into the future.