Life Is More Than Fitting In Your Jeans

"That's a beautiful dress!" I say as I pull my friend into a hug.

"Well, it fits more snuggly than it used to," my friend replies.

In a rare moment of the right thing coming to my mind immediately, I shot back with a smile, "Life is more than fitting in your jeans!" as I held her out at arm's length.

"Thanks for that," she says with a chuckle.

I'm no stranger to feeling like my clothes don't fit like I want them to. And I spend more time than I should worrying I weigh too much, that my clothes are too tight, or a million other negative thoughts about my appearance. 

A line from a song I've been listening to a lot lately keeps sticking out to me:

I know, I'm all for people following their dreams
Just remember life is more than fittin' in your jeans
It's love and understanding, positivity

- What Do I Know, by Ed Sheeran

This concept comes up in a couple of songs I like - maybe it's because I need someone to figuratively hold me at arm's length and remind me that "life is more than fittin' in your jeans" from time to time.

Looking up the song lyrics to write this today also made me think about that line in the context in Ed Sheeran's song. I love that he talks about supporting people in their dreams AND that we should put our dreams in the context of love, understanding, and positivity.

This makes me think about another physical attribute I wrote about previously: the lines on my face. As a child, I always loved to see my Grandma Smith and was fascinated by the 'smile crinkles' on her face. As I get older, I have to make a proactive effort to choose to focus on gratitude for the joy and good memories in my life that have given me my own smile crinkles. It is tempting to yearn for smooth skin and worry about what others think about my appearance. But, I'd rather focus my dreams on spending time with people I love doing fun, meaningful things in a loving, positive way than to focus on my appearance.

Things Left Undone

At the end of every day, job, life, there are things left undone - there always will be.

Two people I greatly admire and have served with closely over the past couple years recently passed away very unexpectedly.

Sudden loss can be incomprehensible. One of their daughters captured the feeling well at the memorial service, "We have not a clue how to say goodbye."

It's little things that have made this real to me.

One of the first things I thought when I heard the news was, "Well, I guess I'm not going to be able to return their Tupperware." They sent me home with leftovers after a Sunday dinner they had hosted in their new home.

While at their home for dinner, I admired their artwork and enjoyed being shown craft projects in various states of completion. Handcraft is something we had bonded over, and one of the last things I did in their home was to take a photo of a beautiful hand sewn quilt with a magnificent painting behind it.

The handsewn quilt is a work of art itself. I expressed admiration, and my host thanked me and turned our attention to the painting. She laughed - pointing out that the mother was calmly working away, not knowing that her work was being pulled apart as fast (really faster) than it was being done. We parted promising to get together to craft soon.

Words of others help me, perhaps particularly in times of extreme emotion. They give voice to thoughts and feelings I have but can't express. Facebook pulled up a memory of a quote I posted about four years ago that resonates again now:

"In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you"
- Buddha

At the unexpected end of my friend's life, the quilt she was making is left undone. But she did not leave undone things that truly mattered.

One of the things I admire most about how she and her husband led their life is how consistently they focused on things that mattered.

They did not leave people unloved. They did not leave kind words unsaid. They did not hesitate to invite people into their home to share meals or along on family vacations to have fun together. They smiled, they served, they loved.

They are the kind of people who make it easier for me to know what the Savior would do, because they lived their lives in the service of Christ, loving others the way He would if He were here.

One of the themes shining through in this season of loss is the joy that can be found in reaching out in love now. Tell people they matter to you. Thank them for the little things they do. Cheer for them in their endeavors. Cry with them when things are sad or hard.

I want to love more, live more gently, and let go more gracefully. And I want to live more like my friends - in the words of a friend expressing condolences and celebrating the lives of these extraordinary people: Love loudly, serve quietly.

This post has sat as a draft for too long. I don't know how to end it. And I guess that might be the whole point. Some things just have to be left undone.

The Slow Passage of Time: Making the Most of the Unknown

Time passes way too slow when you’re waiting for the unknown. 

     - The Good Dream by Donna VanLiere

As I mentioned in a previous post – there have been a lot of unknowns in my life of late. And I do feel like time is passing slowly.

But, at the same time, I feel like I don’t know where the time has gone.

Ah, one of the many paradoxes of life: Time goes slowly in the moment, but days and years fly by.

I think it can be harder at various times, and for various reasons, but I have found that one of the things that helps me most is to make sure I fill my time.

A good friend of mine recently reminded me that we all have the same 24-hours every day. We get to choose what we do with them. So, I’m trying to be more proactive with my time – even in the face of unknowns.

Let’s be honest, even when we think we know how life is going, the future is always unknown.

Another friend has a quote in her window that I feel fits well in this focus on making the most of my 24-hours each day:

So, today I'm taking a few minutes to process by writing :)

Day by Day

Right now there seems to be more unknowns that usual in my life. More that is up in the air. Less routine and predictability than I may want (until I have routine again ;)

My life is truly incredible. I have been blessed with so much – and I am constantly grateful that I have the opportunities and experiences I do. But there is also currently a feeling of being in a waiting pattern that I don’t like, one I am trying to figure out how to change.

I find myself frustrated with how little I seem to do day to day. Looking back at my life I seem to see that I used to accomplish so much more, be involved in more things that were contributing to the world, to those around me. I want to feel that way now, again.

Then I try to make some changes, to get up earlier and make more of the time I’ve been given. I find myself feeling like I’m still not doing much.

Confiding my concerns to a friend, I was told, “You should cut yourself some slack. I think you are doing more than you give yourself credit for.”

Those words made me realize that I likely did not do as much as it appears in my past. Looking back I can see how things came together and added up to forward movement and success. But, at the time, I likely didn’t feel like I was doing huge things.

In a meeting before one of my volunteer shifts at the Boston Temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we were encouraged to think of one thing we could do during the coming week to be more holy after singing together the hymn, More Holiness Give Me (Hymn131). It was a good exercise to participate in (I choose to try to see each person I interact with the way the Savior would).

Perhaps at least as influential for me was what President Baird told us: We are not trying to make a big change all at one. We should be looking to improve 2-3% at a time.

The same ideas is taught in the Book of Mormon: “…by small and simple things are great things brought to pass” (Alma 37:6)

Discussing the hymn in our meeting reminded me of a phrase that had been repeated in two of the hymns we sang in my Sunday worship services recently: day to day.

Here are the two lines with this phrase:

“Bless our efforts day by day” (Hymn 170, God, Our Father, Hear Us Pray)

“May life’s myst’ries be unfolded As I study day by day.” (Hymn 277, As I search the Holy Scriptures)

The little things we do each day are the building blocks of our life.

In the moment, I can’t see what is going to happen as a result of those little things. But, looking back I can see that great things have happened. I choose to have faith and believe that as I do my best day by day great things will continue to come together.

The other thing that stands out to me from those two phrases is how the Lord is involved in those day by day efforts. Asking for, and then following the Lord’s guidance is key. And one of the ways to seek and know what His guidance is comes through reading His word in the holy scriptures – day by day.

Christmas Song Lyrics, Day 6

I went to a 109th  Annual Christmas Carol Concert a couple weeks ago. There was a great rendition of "I Wonder As I Wander" sung that got me thinking.

I wonder as I wander out under the sky,
How Jesus the Savior did come for to die.
For poor on'ry people like you and like I...
I wonder as I wander out under the sky.
...
If Jesus had wanted for any wee thing,
A star in the sky, or a bird on the wing,
Or all of God's angels in heav'n for to sing,
He surely could have it, 'cause he was the King.

The last line is what has been on my mind most.

How often do we look at hard things in our life and think, "I would never have chosen this!" And yet, Jesus as the Son of God choose to come to earth born in a stable and go through all life brought Him, which included some really tough stuff.

I really believe, knowing what we knew before this life, that we would have chosen the hard things in our life.

I am grateful for the life of our Savior, Jesus Christ to remind me that we can have hope. That there is more than this life. That hard things help bring us closer to where we want to be.

Christmas Song Lyrics, Day 5

Today I went to Church with my brother in Arizona. One of the speakers in Sacrament Meeting sang the song "Mary Did You Know" so I've been thinking about it all day.

I don't think Mary did fully know - how could she? Do any of us fully understand what we are getting into? It is only when looking back that we have the perspective necessary to understand.

Mary did you know that your baby boy would one day walk on water?
Mary did you know that your baby boy would save our sons and daughters?
Did you know that your baby boy has come to make you new?
This child that you've delivered, will soon deliver you'

...

Mary did you know that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?
Mary did you know that your baby boy will calm a storm with his hand?
Did you know that your baby boy has walked where angels trod?
When you kiss your little baby, you kiss the face of God

...

The blind will see, the deaf will hear, the dead will live again
The lame will leap, the dumb will speak, the praises of the lamb

 

- Mary Did You Know

 

 

I'm so grateful for Mary and Joseph - being willing to raise the Son of God. I'm grateful for all the things the Savior did during His lifetime. And I'm especially grateful for His Atonement and all that it has made possible for me and all of God's children throughout all time.

Christmas Song Lyrics, Day 4

Appropriately, I’m writing this as a passenger in my brother’s car.

“I’m driving home for Christmas
Oh, I can’t wait to see those faces.

It’s going to take some time
But I’ll get there

Driving in my car
I’m driving home for Christmas
With a thousand memories

I take a look at the driver next to me
He’s just the same
Just the same”

-Driving Home for Christmas

This year, we are driving down to my brother’s house to have Christmas with him and his wife and their four children. So, while I’m not technically driving “home” it feels like it.

“Home” is defined as the place where my heart is full – where I’m surrounded by people I love.

In that light, the other lyrics that fit:

“I’ll be home for Christmas
If only in my dreams”

Most of the time I’m flying home for Christmas. But in 2012 my brothers and I decided to meet up in California and have an epic sibling (plus sister-in-law and her friends and their baby) road trip through California on our way to our parents house. It was epic. And it created at least a thousand new memories that I love looking back on.

Driving on our road trip, I also loved to “take a look at the driver next to me” – so often smiles were exchanged and good will was felt. And the reminder that “He’s just the same” is beautiful.

Goal of the day: See those around me as the same as me – open my heart and not focus only on me.