(Un) Remarkable

Sometimes I get sucked into reading books based on their cover. Remarkable by Lizzy K. Foley was one of those books for me. It was an adorable read that seemed a bit like a combo of A Series of Unfortunate Events and The Mysterious Benedict Society.

One of the things I realized as I read this book was that many people feel unremarkable. I tend to think that only I do. But in reality everyone does at different times or in different aspects of life - and that is okay, and normal.

The Mayor of Remarkable is married to one of the only "unremarkable" people in the whole town (his name is John Doe) and the grandmother of the only other "unremarkable" person - a young girl named, you guessed it, Jane Doe.

The Mayor or Remarkable tells her grand-daughter at one point:

...despite what most people think, the best things in life are often quite ordinary.

It's true - ordinary = awesome. Or at least my experiences have taught me that over and over again.

I appreciated that the book didn't end with Jane becoming remarkable at something (oops, spoiler alert!). The culminating moment for me was this - Jane gets a puppy sent to her by a former teacher turned pirate (bizarre, I know :) and in this exchange she is talking to the twins who she has been hoping would invite her to their home:

"No, thanks," Jane said, looking up from her puppy for the first time since she'd gotten him. Her face was a happy mix of amazement and joy.

"What do you mean?" Melissa demanded. She had never in a million years guessed that Jane wouldn't accept an invitation to enter their creepy black house. "We're giving Dirt a chance to be something special, you know."

"He doesn't need to be special," Jane said firmly. "All he needs to be is my dog." And with that, she walked home with Dirt Cuddled in her arms.

We, like Dirt, are remarkable to someone (and we don't have to be remarkable to everyone). And perhaps more importantly, we have the ability to make someone else feel remarkable (instead of like dirt) - and by that I mean we can show others that we love them and appreciate what they have to offer.

Bad Day (or Two Months :)

It's been a rough past while for me, if you hadn't already gathered.

Today I made a decision - it's time to start a new trend, and the song Happy Girl (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsQi3bvgM9s) is going to be my new theme song :)

I liked this particular video for the quotes they added running across the bottom like:

"Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending."

Here's to a new start!

Nobody?

The train isn't working at the station I normally use so everyone has to get off and get on a shuttle bus. Not fun.

Coming home tonight I decided I wasn't going to let it get to me and I'd just enjoy my book.

Well, as I headed out of the station for the shuttle I noticed that someone was talking to me. He said, for at least the second time, "No one is that important."

I smiled at him and wondered if I had accidentally cut him off going up the stairs or something. He says again, first looking at me and then moving on to no one in particular, "No really, no one is that important. I can't wait to leave this city. I've lived here for 30 years. Everyone is distracted."

My heart went out to him. I'm sad that he's had some (or maybe a lot of) bad experiences and is feeling so frustrated.

But it also made me think - actually, everyone is that important. We all have great value and deserve to be respected and treated well. We shouldn't feel less than those around us, nor should we treat others as if some people are more important human beings than others.

That's a good reminder for me in my fast paced life where I can get wrapped up in me - what I want and need - and forget that I'm not the only one with feelings and desires and expectations.

He is Risen!

Today is Easter. And I got asked to teach a lesson about the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

Spending the week before Easter studying that glorious event was a wonderful experience for me. I think one of the main reasons why is because I chose to focus on the power and peace of the Atonement that comes into our lives today as we come unto Christ and learn of him instead of the suffering and pain he experienced in his final days and hours.

I am grateful for what he suffered. I believe it was real, and truly more than anyone besides the literal son of God could endure. But, I think the true meaning of Easter is one of celebration that we don't have to experience pain alone or for long if we are willing to cast our burdens on Christ (see Psalms 55:22) and take his yoke upon us (see Matthew 11:29).

There was a talk given today where my thoughts were reflected to me in this line:

"How soon would that deep grieving be replaced with the purest wonder, joy, and love."

I think God wants us to focus on the good in our life. He wants us to feel wonder, joy, and love. He wants us to be happy. Of course we are going to go through hard things. Of course there are days when all we can do is cry. But, I know that we can find peace and joy through those things.

The experience of Alma the younger in the Book of Mormon comes to mind:

17 And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.

18 Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.

19 And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more, yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.

20 And oh, what joy and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!

21 Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy. (Alma 36:17-21)

 Think of that "I could remember my pains no more" and "my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain". That is beautiful. And clearly it didn't mean he can't think about the fact that he did feel pain - years later he is telling this story to his sons. But, his pain was swallowed up in his joy. He could no longer feel that pain, only peace.

That is my testimony this day. It is possible. Christ is able to swallow up all of our pain. All of it. Not just the pain we feel from doing something wrong, but any pain. Pain that comes because we don't feel good enough. Pain that comes because we feel someone else has done us wrong. Pain that comes from feeling angry with ourselves or others. Pain that comes from feeling like we can't trust those around us. He can take that pain away. He will give us his peace instead.

I am grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the opportunity it gives me to feel peace in my life. I pray that I can be more willing and able to use it in my life.

Truly Generous?

One of my colleagues puts a quote in her daily attendance reports. Many of them make me smile or think and I appreciate them. Recently this was her quote:

"Real generosity is doing something nice for someone who will never find out."
~Frank A. Clark~

I like this quote, but there was something about it that also sort of rubbed me the wrong way, and I had to mull it over to figure out why. I think there is truth in this statement. But I think there is also a potential danger in this mentality.

While mulling this over I remembered a passage from The Screw Tape Letters by C.S. Lewis (a series of letters from a Devil to his nephew, who is an apprentice to be a devil - in the passage below, the Enemy is God, the patient is a human being).

Do what you will, there is going to be some benevolence, as well as some malice, in your patient's soul. The great thing is to direct the malice to his immediate neighbours whom he meets every day and to thrust his benevolence out to the remote circumference, to people he does not know. The malice thus becomes wholly real and the benevolence largely imaginary. There is no good at all in inflaming his hatred of Germans if, at the same time, a pernicious habit of charity is growing up between him and his mother, his employer, and the man he meets in the train. Think of your man as a series of concentric circles, his will being the innermost, his intellect coming next, and finally his fantasy. You can hardly hope, at once, to exclude from all the circles everything that smells of the Enemy: but you must keep on shoving all the virtues outward till they are finally located in the circle of fantasy, and all the desirable qualities inward into the Will.

So, I think that doing good for those who will never know can be a true sign of generosity. But if none of  our generous acts are directed to those closest to us than we are not fully generous.

This was a nice reminder for me - to make an effort to not keep all my good intentions in my mind (or located in the circle of fantasy to use C.S. Lewis' language :) And, it is a good thing to remember that as humans we will have pieces of malice AND benevolence in us. The question is, which one will we choose to act on in any given moment, and towards whom?

Sources of Happiness

Serendipitously I picked up the novel Stargirl just before some interesting and challenging things happened in my life – and it just so happened that the book fit in my coat pocket. That was an immeasurable blessing under the circumstances.

There were many things about this book that spoke to me – especially about the two main characters. One of whom I want to be more like (Stargirl) and one of whom I relate a lot to (Leo).

Stargirl is completely unique. She is a very caring person who pays attention to those around her and reaches out in ways that are meaningful to that individual.

Leo is a good person. He cares deeply about what those around him think. In some ways, and at some times, he fights that tendency. But, he still feels it.

There were three powerful scene in the book that have really kept me thinking:

The first vignette:

Stargirl was leaning forward, looking earnestly at Becca Rinaldi, her voice small as a little girl’s. “When the other team scores a point and you see how happy it makes all their fans, doesn’t it make you happy, too?"

Becca growled, “No.”

“Doesn’t it make you want to join in?”

“No.”

“Don’t you ever want the other team to be happy, too?”

“No.”

Stargirl seemed genuinely surprised. “You don’t always want to be the winner…do you?”

Becca scowled at her, jutted out her jaw. “Yes. Yes, I do. Yes I always want to be the winner. That’s what I do. I root for us to win. That’s what we all do.” She swept her arm around the set. “We root for Mica.” She jabbed her finger at the stage. “Who do you root for?”

Stargirl hesitated. She smiled, she threw out her arms. “I root for everybody!” (p64-65)

It was this moment in the book where I knew I wanted to be more like Stargirl. It reminds me of a truth that another quote teaches:

"Curious that we spend more time congratulating people who have succeeded than encouraging people who have not."
- Neil deGrasse Tyson

The second vignette:

Riding away I said, “Why don’t you leave a card or something with your name on it?”

The question surprised her. “Why should I?”

Her question surprised me. “Well, I don’t know, it’s just the way people do things.

They expect it. They get a gift, they expect to know where it came from.”

“Is that important?”

“Yeah, I guess—”
…..
“Where were we?” she said.

“Getting credit,” I said.

“What about it?”

“Well, it’s nice to get credit.”

The spokes of her rear wheel spun behind the curtain of her long skirt. She looked like a photograph from a hundred years ago. She turned her wide eyes on me. “Is it?” she said. (p110-111)

This is a question I find myself repeating over and over in my head – Is it? I don’t know.

The third vignette:

Some people in the school were starting to turn on Stargirl, and by association Leo. His tendency to care what others think of him comes through. He has an encounter with a fellow student and discovers:

I had never realized how much I needed the attention of others to confirm my own presence. (p126) 

I feel the same way sometimes. It is in some ways an interesting catch 22 – we really do need people, and life is so much fuller and more fun when shared. But, we can become too dependent on the input of others. I’ve been finding that an intense "need for the attention of others to confirm my presence" leaves me quite vulnerable. And makes me want to be more like Stargirl – invested in the happiness of others. Strange how that leads to increased personal happiness :)

Yay for books that make me think :) and for such uplifting and motivating things to think about!

A Little Time Out

Yesterday at Church we were talking about becoming like a little child. This is a fascinating subject to me, and I often wonder why Christ encourages us to be like a child.

 3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 18:3

 37 And again I say unto you, ye must repent, and become as a little child, and be baptized in my name, or ye can in nowise receive these things.
3 Nephi 11:37 

13 ¶And they brought young children to him, that he should touch them: and his disciples rebuked those that brought them.

 14 But when Jesus saw it, he was much displeased, and said unto them, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God.

 15 Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein.

 16 And he took them up in his arms, put his hands upon them, and blessed them.

Mark 10:13-16

There are a lot of analogies and reasons, but I heard a new one yesterday and it really hit home for me.

Someone talked about how children are put in time out when they do something wrong. Often the same child is put in time out for the same thing over and over again. The child is not happy. They don't want to be in time out, they can scream and cry and through a fit. But you know what? The parent still loves them. Loves them so much they put them in time out again and again and hope and pray that the child will learn and grow.

And you know what? They do. With time and love and patience and attention the child learns and grows. They stop doing the thing that lead them to time out. Does that mean they don't do other things wrong? No. But they continue to learn and grow and change behavior over time.

What I learned yesterday, in part, is that I need to be more patient with myself. I need to give myself room to learn and grow. To stumble and fall - over the same thing - over and over again. Each time I can, and should, put myself in a little time out (repent) and then I should let go and move onward and upward (forsake and forgive). And all the while know that I am loved.