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I just finished a book that talked about 30 things we should know now. It was interesting - parts of it made me angry, parts of it made me cry, parts of it made me think. The parts that made me think were my favorite.
One of the ideas that was presented in this book was that we cannot change others, we can only decide our reactions to people and situations. This is a concept I am very familiar with, and really like - most of the time. I really liked the way he presented this concept: "If you cannot change the people around you, you can at least have the satisfaction of surprising them."
Reading that sentence and thinking about this concept reminded me of an experience I had as a teenager that taught me the power of not simply reacting as expected - of choosing to act differently than initially intended - and the sense of accomplishment that can bring.
Once my brothers and I were old enough, our parents assigned us to be responsible for a room for a month at a time on a rotating basis. Everyone dreaded their month in the kitchen - vacuuming only had to be done once a week, but dishes had to be done every day. At one point my parents told my brothers and me that their goal in giving us these chores in this way was that we would realize that we didn't like cleaning up after everyone's messes and just take care of our own. I told myself that I would try it with dishes, but if others didn't follow suit, I was done. Sometimes all of us did for one meal, but it never lasted.
One day it hit me that I was only hurting myself by "keeping score" and "punishing" others by not helping out. Then I really set the goal, and consistently cleaned up after myself. Honestly, I don't remember when or if my brothers every started doing the same, or if they or my parents ever were surprised by the change, but I know I was happier.
I have put that pattern into action in other ways and in different areas of my life, and at times I have felt the satisfaction of surprising others. Best of all, I have surprised myself with my ability to let things go, to not let the actions of others dictate my own, and to let go when I realize I'm trying to change others.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
All Will Be Well
With all the change and decisions I'm facing in my life, this is a truth that I have been trying desperately to remind myself of. I do believe it - I'm just not sure I want to deal with whatever is going to happen between now and when all is well.
At Church today, there were some big changes announced. These changes are not going to really affect me, because I am moving. However, the comments made about change could not have been more timely. Personally I am facing a lot of change right now. Since I just graduated, this was to be expected, and my choices about what to study and where I'd like to work have greatly impacted the type and scope of change I face. None of that erases the fact that I feel nervous about the changes that are coming. I just want to share some of the thoughts that I heard today - even if it is just a selfish way to process what I was told and to more fully absorb the thoughts myself.
One of the first comments was, "All will be well, but it is a hard day." I really appreciate that acknowledgment. In the words of a good friend of mine, "can't I just be sad for a while?" I think that sometimes when we go through hard times we fail to allow ourselves a chance to just be sad, or to admit that this is a hard day. Sure, all will be well, but that takes time. And that is okay.
Looking back at past events that seemed hard can help too. I know that has helped me. Often I had no idea how things would work out in my life, but somehow they did. Usually not how I thought they would, but all too often better than I would have predicted. As they say, hind sight is 20/20, and looking back can help us have the courage to move forward and the patience to wait for the good that is coming.
The last comment about change that I want to share was, "Embrace change for the good it will bring." I will try to do that. I'm sure that the change in my life will bring good. I know it will bring growth. I know it will allow me to meet new people and to learn to give and serve in new ways. I know that growth and increased understanding are worth the hard day moments that come along.
All will be well. And in the mean time, I'll cling to that truth.
At Church today, there were some big changes announced. These changes are not going to really affect me, because I am moving. However, the comments made about change could not have been more timely. Personally I am facing a lot of change right now. Since I just graduated, this was to be expected, and my choices about what to study and where I'd like to work have greatly impacted the type and scope of change I face. None of that erases the fact that I feel nervous about the changes that are coming. I just want to share some of the thoughts that I heard today - even if it is just a selfish way to process what I was told and to more fully absorb the thoughts myself.
One of the first comments was, "All will be well, but it is a hard day." I really appreciate that acknowledgment. In the words of a good friend of mine, "can't I just be sad for a while?" I think that sometimes when we go through hard times we fail to allow ourselves a chance to just be sad, or to admit that this is a hard day. Sure, all will be well, but that takes time. And that is okay.
Looking back at past events that seemed hard can help too. I know that has helped me. Often I had no idea how things would work out in my life, but somehow they did. Usually not how I thought they would, but all too often better than I would have predicted. As they say, hind sight is 20/20, and looking back can help us have the courage to move forward and the patience to wait for the good that is coming.
The last comment about change that I want to share was, "Embrace change for the good it will bring." I will try to do that. I'm sure that the change in my life will bring good. I know it will bring growth. I know it will allow me to meet new people and to learn to give and serve in new ways. I know that growth and increased understanding are worth the hard day moments that come along.
All will be well. And in the mean time, I'll cling to that truth.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Wicked
Yesterday while we were cleaning our house my roommate and I were blasting the soundtrack to Wicked the Broadway musical. Now, I have to confess, I have never seen the production (though I hope to change that someday!) but I love the music. Thus, the following comments have only the perspective of the song and not the whole script.
One song starts: "No good deed goes unpunished No act of charity goes unresented" Elphaba, the wicked witch, is contemplating how her good intentions have not worked out the way she wanted and have resulted in misunderstanding and resentment from others.
Towards the middle of the song Elphaba asks a profound and self-searching question: "One question haunts and hurts, too much, too much to mention: Was I really seeking good or just seeking attention? Is that all good deeds are when looked at with an ice-cold eye?"
I have had to answer the "am I really seeking good or just attention" question on multiple occasions in my life. Sometimes the answer is, yes, I really wanted to do good, to make life a little easier for someone. Other times the painful truth is I just wanted someone to notice me, or to say "oh how wonderful you are!"
When I can answer that I was seeking good, I feel peace - even if others misconstrue my intent. That inner peace does not however mean I don't feel pain that others misunderstand, but it does mean I can move forward and keep seeking to do good and avoid just seeking attention despite the opinions of others.
As I listened to these words yesterday and thought about them, I realized that Jesus Christ warned against the threat of seeking attention for good deeds. When he was giving the Sermon on the Mount he cautioned:
"Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven. Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth: That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly." (Matthew 6:1-4)
Back to the song - Elphaba's response to her own question made me sad: "If that's all good deeds are, maybe that's the reason why No good deed goes unpunished. All helpful urges should be circumvented. No good deed goes unpunished. Sure, I meant well Well, look at what well-meant did. All right, enough - so be it! Let all Oz be agreed: I'm wicked through and through" she ends the song saying: "I promise no good deed will I attempt to do again, ever again"
I want to make a different promise: I promise I will continue to attempt to do good deeds, even if others view them with an ice cold eye. I will continue to attempt to do good deeds especially when they seem to go unnoticed. I will continue to attempt to do good deeds even when I feel my good deeds are not making a difference. And, I promise to keep asking myself if I am seeking good, or seeking attention - and when I'm seeking attention to adjust my intentions and actions.
One song starts: "No good deed goes unpunished No act of charity goes unresented" Elphaba, the wicked witch, is contemplating how her good intentions have not worked out the way she wanted and have resulted in misunderstanding and resentment from others.
Towards the middle of the song Elphaba asks a profound and self-searching question: "One question haunts and hurts, too much, too much to mention: Was I really seeking good or just seeking attention? Is that all good deeds are when looked at with an ice-cold eye?"
I have had to answer the "am I really seeking good or just attention" question on multiple occasions in my life. Sometimes the answer is, yes, I really wanted to do good, to make life a little easier for someone. Other times the painful truth is I just wanted someone to notice me, or to say "oh how wonderful you are!"
When I can answer that I was seeking good, I feel peace - even if others misconstrue my intent. That inner peace does not however mean I don't feel pain that others misunderstand, but it does mean I can move forward and keep seeking to do good and avoid just seeking attention despite the opinions of others.
As I listened to these words yesterday and thought about them, I realized that Jesus Christ warned against the threat of seeking attention for good deeds. When he was giving the Sermon on the Mount he cautioned:
"Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven. Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth: That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly." (Matthew 6:1-4)
Back to the song - Elphaba's response to her own question made me sad: "If that's all good deeds are, maybe that's the reason why No good deed goes unpunished. All helpful urges should be circumvented. No good deed goes unpunished. Sure, I meant well Well, look at what well-meant did. All right, enough - so be it! Let all Oz be agreed: I'm wicked through and through" she ends the song saying: "I promise no good deed will I attempt to do again, ever again"
I want to make a different promise: I promise I will continue to attempt to do good deeds, even if others view them with an ice cold eye. I will continue to attempt to do good deeds especially when they seem to go unnoticed. I will continue to attempt to do good deeds even when I feel my good deeds are not making a difference. And, I promise to keep asking myself if I am seeking good, or seeking attention - and when I'm seeking attention to adjust my intentions and actions.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
America
Seeing as today is the 4th of July, I think this is a wonderfully appropriate time to get around to this post that has been brewing for quite some time.
First, I want to share four quotes about America that I have come across in the past nine months or so that capture some of my thoughts and feelings:
"It will do us not good to be naive about the challenges we face in this country. We do have problems, and they are not a few. There are issues that demand our earnest, inspired attention. But there is too much fruitless carping and criticism of America. What might become of this land if we spoke less of its weaknesses and more if its goodness and strength, its capacity and potential?"
- Gordon B. Hinckley, Standing for Something
"There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America."
- President Bill Clinton, first inaugural address January 20th, 1993
"In reaffirming the greatness of out nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom."
- President Barack Obama, inaugural address January 20th, 2009
"Now we might not always get it right But there's nowhere else I rather build my life"
- Rodney Atkins "It's America"
I love living in America. I don't think that means I would not like living in another place. I have lived in several places including the West, the South, and New England. The places and the people in each have been wonderful. Each has pros and cons. That is true of any place in the world. Personally, I side with Gordon B. Hinckley and think that while we must be aware of the challenges we face (be it as Americans or more simply as human beings wherever we find ourselves) we must also focus on goodness, strength, capacity and potential. And Rodney Atkins is right - America/Americans don't always get things right. But, as President Obama said, there are many wonderful unsung hero's who work hard to carry us towards greatness.
In some of my graduate classes we would talk about some of the things going on in other countries related to policy affecting children, the environment, education and other things. There were often comments about how much better some policy about bike travel was in Sweden than in America. Or how the Finnish education system is so superior to our K-12 education. I have friends from Finland, and I asked them about their experience. As I listened to my classmates and my friends I realized that often the best of another country was being compared with the worst in America. That seems to be an unfair comparison to me. Again, I emphasize that I think there is much room for improvement, and collectively Americans should work to make live better for all of us who live here. But, I also submit that if we look for it, we can find, build on and expand the goodness in this great land.
I am proud to be an American. I am grateful for the chances that we collectively have. I hope to be on of the risk-takers, makers and doers that, as President Obama said, is not afraid to work or faint-hearted. My sincere desire is that I personally, and Americans generally, strive more to use what is right with America to cure what is wrong with America.
God Bless America
First, I want to share four quotes about America that I have come across in the past nine months or so that capture some of my thoughts and feelings:
"It will do us not good to be naive about the challenges we face in this country. We do have problems, and they are not a few. There are issues that demand our earnest, inspired attention. But there is too much fruitless carping and criticism of America. What might become of this land if we spoke less of its weaknesses and more if its goodness and strength, its capacity and potential?"
- Gordon B. Hinckley, Standing for Something
"There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America."
- President Bill Clinton, first inaugural address January 20th, 1993
"In reaffirming the greatness of out nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom."
- President Barack Obama, inaugural address January 20th, 2009
"Now we might not always get it right But there's nowhere else I rather build my life"
- Rodney Atkins "It's America"
I love living in America. I don't think that means I would not like living in another place. I have lived in several places including the West, the South, and New England. The places and the people in each have been wonderful. Each has pros and cons. That is true of any place in the world. Personally, I side with Gordon B. Hinckley and think that while we must be aware of the challenges we face (be it as Americans or more simply as human beings wherever we find ourselves) we must also focus on goodness, strength, capacity and potential. And Rodney Atkins is right - America/Americans don't always get things right. But, as President Obama said, there are many wonderful unsung hero's who work hard to carry us towards greatness.
In some of my graduate classes we would talk about some of the things going on in other countries related to policy affecting children, the environment, education and other things. There were often comments about how much better some policy about bike travel was in Sweden than in America. Or how the Finnish education system is so superior to our K-12 education. I have friends from Finland, and I asked them about their experience. As I listened to my classmates and my friends I realized that often the best of another country was being compared with the worst in America. That seems to be an unfair comparison to me. Again, I emphasize that I think there is much room for improvement, and collectively Americans should work to make live better for all of us who live here. But, I also submit that if we look for it, we can find, build on and expand the goodness in this great land.
I am proud to be an American. I am grateful for the chances that we collectively have. I hope to be on of the risk-takers, makers and doers that, as President Obama said, is not afraid to work or faint-hearted. My sincere desire is that I personally, and Americans generally, strive more to use what is right with America to cure what is wrong with America.
God Bless America
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Biggest Lie
So, I have had a lot of feelings of stress, pressure, and being overwhelmed lately. I say this not to draw attention to me, or to elicit sympathy. Instead, it is to express gratitude. Today I got an email from a good friend with a link to a youtube video called "Are you going to finish strong?" It is one of the many, many youtube video's about Nick Vujicic - who is a young man who grew up with no arms and legs. He travels and talks to people about overcoming challenges and recognizing on whom we rely for strength. It gave me a wonderful perspective and helped me in my moment of need.
After I got this email, I watched the video and for the next half hour or so watched related videos. In another video, Nick told a world religious leader (sorry, I don't know who he was, or where he was from) that we can not, and should not compare suffering. We should all work together as God's family to help each other through the struggles that we face and to put our own suffering in perspective. Nick said the following: "The greatest lie that we are believing today is that you need to do this life alone. That’s a lie. God is a personal God, you can talk to Him, you can pray with Him. It’s not about just coming to Church on Sunday’s and doing the status quo. Talk to Him; share your heart with him. Lord, here I am please help me. I’m here today to tell you this, that no matter who you are no matter what you are going through, God knows it, He is with you, He is going to pull you through."
As I listened to and watched these videos I realized that Nick and his message serves as a good reminder that life is what we make of it, and we can choose our reactions to our circumstances - even, or maybe especially, those circumstances that we can not change.
Today I was especially grateful for the reminder that it is a lie that we too often believe that "you need to do this life alone." So, I'll keep praying to God, telling Him my hopes and dreams, my fears and concerns. I will continue to ask for help and seek to remember that I can do all things with His help (which includes the help of those I have been blessed to have play a part in my life).Monday, March 16, 2009
Lovin' Life
The other day I was sitting eating lunch in my department's building and a friend of mine came in and joined me. We hadn't talked for a bit and we were just catching up on the "What's new?" question. I'm not sure what prompted it, or exactly why I said it, but at one point I said, "I love my life." My friend looked at me and observed, "You don't hear very many people say that."
He's right. I don't often hear people say they love their life. I really do. I feel that I have been so richly blessed and that I have been given so many wonderful opportunities and get to interact with some incredible people. When I start to feel overwhelmed, I remind myself, as I wrote before, the importance of little things and the ability to choose to be happy. For example, I walked to a little park, sat on a bench, read a book, and enjoyed the sun on my face yesterday. Joy. I really do love my life. I love finding happiness and choosing to walk away from frustration and stress as soon as possible.
This does not, however, mean that there is nothing I would change or that there are not things that I long for or that nothing makes me sad. Quite the opposite. There was a song on the radio that was talking about the fact that there are lots of mountains in our lives and the trick is to learn to enjoy the climb. (sorry, I have no idea who sings it, or what it's called - but I want to!) I'm also reminded of a comment made in a seminar I went to talking about balance in life. The seminar was given by Kevin Rollins, former CEO of Dell Computers, who said that life is 99% mundane and 1% exciting. He said, and I've found, that if we only wait for the "exciting" 1% we'll miss out on a lot of good times. So, I just try to take life as it comes and love it. Often it is one of the many amazing people around me who in one way or another remind me how good my life is, how much better it is to be happy, or just make me laugh or give me a hug and help me refocus.
Thanks to all you fantastic people who make my life so wonderful and remind me that it's really not so bad when I'm tempted to throw a pity party!
PS for an awesome talk on this subject read "Come What May and Love It"
PPS I found the lyrics: It's a song called "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus the chorus says:
There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
He's right. I don't often hear people say they love their life. I really do. I feel that I have been so richly blessed and that I have been given so many wonderful opportunities and get to interact with some incredible people. When I start to feel overwhelmed, I remind myself, as I wrote before, the importance of little things and the ability to choose to be happy. For example, I walked to a little park, sat on a bench, read a book, and enjoyed the sun on my face yesterday. Joy. I really do love my life. I love finding happiness and choosing to walk away from frustration and stress as soon as possible.
This does not, however, mean that there is nothing I would change or that there are not things that I long for or that nothing makes me sad. Quite the opposite. There was a song on the radio that was talking about the fact that there are lots of mountains in our lives and the trick is to learn to enjoy the climb. (sorry, I have no idea who sings it, or what it's called - but I want to!) I'm also reminded of a comment made in a seminar I went to talking about balance in life. The seminar was given by Kevin Rollins, former CEO of Dell Computers, who said that life is 99% mundane and 1% exciting. He said, and I've found, that if we only wait for the "exciting" 1% we'll miss out on a lot of good times. So, I just try to take life as it comes and love it. Often it is one of the many amazing people around me who in one way or another remind me how good my life is, how much better it is to be happy, or just make me laugh or give me a hug and help me refocus.
Thanks to all you fantastic people who make my life so wonderful and remind me that it's really not so bad when I'm tempted to throw a pity party!
PS for an awesome talk on this subject read "Come What May and Love It"
PPS I found the lyrics: It's a song called "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus the chorus says:
There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Think Happy Thoughts
A few nights ago I was getting into my bed and heard the sound of something falling off my night stand into my garbage can. With a slight scowl on my face I paused to find out what it was that found its way into the garbage can.
I pulled out this little frame that I had nearly forgotten was there - half buried under my Ensign, journal, some tissues, a letter or two and who knows what else. It has a picture of a cute little girl with a hat on that is clearly too big for her and says "The happy thought that lasts a moment can bring joy that lasts all day." It was the perfect reminder at the end of a long, stressful day. I stepped back and thought about my day and the little happy things that had happened. Thinking about those things really did bring joy and my frustration melted away and a smile graced my face.
Then I had this sudden memory of Peter Pan and the trick to flying to Never Land. They had to think happy thoughts. Happy thoughts were powerful and enabled them to fly. I think that metaphorically speaking the same thing is true in our lives. We are lifted up as we think about happy, positive things. We are given the ability to rise above the circumstances we find ourselves in. We can be transported to a better, brighter place. Thoughts are powerful, and we can choose which ones we will entertain. So I'm going to try to increase my happy thoughts, and by so doing increase my joy :)
I pulled out this little frame that I had nearly forgotten was there - half buried under my Ensign, journal, some tissues, a letter or two and who knows what else. It has a picture of a cute little girl with a hat on that is clearly too big for her and says "The happy thought that lasts a moment can bring joy that lasts all day." It was the perfect reminder at the end of a long, stressful day. I stepped back and thought about my day and the little happy things that had happened. Thinking about those things really did bring joy and my frustration melted away and a smile graced my face.
Then I had this sudden memory of Peter Pan and the trick to flying to Never Land. They had to think happy thoughts. Happy thoughts were powerful and enabled them to fly. I think that metaphorically speaking the same thing is true in our lives. We are lifted up as we think about happy, positive things. We are given the ability to rise above the circumstances we find ourselves in. We can be transported to a better, brighter place. Thoughts are powerful, and we can choose which ones we will entertain. So I'm going to try to increase my happy thoughts, and by so doing increase my joy :)
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