Tuesday, March 1, 2022

Think you can't make a difference? Think again, and look right around you.

Last night I joined with some members of my church to do a service project.

While we were waiting for the supplies to start, one guy was telling us about talking to a friend of his in Poland who is helping to drive Ukrainian's out of their country to a (hopefully) safer place.

My heart swelled with gratitude for those how are doing what they can to help people in a terrible situation. But almost immediately after I let out a large sigh.

"That was an intense sigh," my friend said. "Everything okay?"

"Oh, just thinking I wish there was something I could do. Not get in a car and drive people, obviously [obvious because I am currently on the other side of the world], but something."

"I think you are probably already doing a lot of good where you are," was his response.

More people trickled in and the blanket supplies arrived. We started cutting and tying and chatting. The organizer thanked us for coming and said, "I didn't expect so many people!"

"Well, I think we all just want to be helping, and this is a very concrete thing we can do," I said.

Several people agreed.

Thinking back on that today I am reminded how we need to do what we can where we are. If we let the troubles of elsewhere keep us from taking action where we are now, we have lost an important opportunity.

If we become disheartened because we can't do what we feel most needs to be done, or if we think that what we can do couldn't make a big enough difference, we fail to add our part to our collective ability to make a difference.

We can't do everything, but we can all do something.

Today I feel more hopeful. Not because anything changed in the world, specifically in relation to Ukraine being invaded by Russia. But because I know there are still good people all doing even one small thing to bring peace and hope and warmth to people around them. And I know that together we can build the world we want to have.

Wednesday, June 9, 2021

Speaks to My Soul: Workin On It by Andy Grammer

I’m working on my goal to type up my journals.

Sometimes this is a very fun project and I look back and smile at fun memories or silly antics of my former self.

Other times this is a painful process.

I’m reminded of my flaws or see recurring negative behaviors and patterns in my life.

No one is perfect, I know that. And I’d like to think I don’t expect myself to be. But I do want to improve and grow.

While typing up some entries from my freshman year of college I was momentarily thrown into a funk – “See, you haven’t learned anything! Here you are two decades later making the same mistakes.”

These lyrics came to mind and calmed my heart:

It might be taking forever, but it's better than never


That feels true to me.

Here is how the song starts:

You know we're just working on it
No leaderboard keeping score
Long as you woke up this morning
And see you're working on it
It might be taking forever, but it's better than never

I was listening to a podcast that said we should ask ourselves: who created the benchmarks you are measuring yourself against?

If we are holding ourselves to someone else’s standard, we are likely to have a hard time measuring up, and to feel extra frustrated when we don’t meet the mark.

Instead, we can look at where we’ve come compared to where we want to be, or where we came from. And, spoiler alert, that is going to look different for each of us. And that is okay!

It don't sound like much, but for him, that's a revelation
You shoulda seen the pride in his eyes
When he said how far he's come from where he was

One of the things that consistently trips me up (in addition to seeing recurring bad habits/choices/patterns) is seeing how far I still have to go. Seeing all the things I hope no one else notices about me.

There are two phrases in this song that poetically convey that fear of mine:

We all got our monsters that don't see the day light

Skeletons you're hiding ain't gon' leave overnight

I wish I was okay with people seeing all of me. But I want to hide those monsters (but sometimes they sneak out anyway). I’m not proud of the skeletons I’m hiding (and I have definitely learned they won’t leave overnight!).

But, if I spend my time thinking about those monsters and skeletons, they have a way of sucking me back in, influencing my life and repeating cycles I thought I was done with.

And now you're back to chasing that watered-down love
You already know that ain't what you want

This stanza gives me great hope and direction I long to follow: 

Day by day, we fight the good fight
Maybe once in a while, we find the strength to be okay
And find some patience for ourselves
Don't be so hard upon yourself
Show some love to yourself

So today I’ll celebrate that I took time to finish writing a post, not worry about how long it took me.

I’ll acknowledge and believe the people who tell me that I am essentially good.

I’ll choose to take a step forward and not calculate either how far I’ve come or how far I still have to go.

It might be taking forever, but it's better than never
So go easy, easy
Everybody got ugly, ugly
You know we're just working on it


P.S. Check out the song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fH-hv8-c2UA


Tuesday, April 13, 2021

I wouldn’t have known, except….

When I worked for DC Public Schools, people would come up to me after community meetings often and say “I wouldn’t have known about this meeting if you hadn’t...” fill in the blank: "...put this flyer up at my son’s school" or “sent a robo call home” or “put it on your website.”

Often these comments were said as accusations, angrily implying we should have done more to let them know. I started asking people, “How would you have wanted us to let you know," and just listening to their answers, looking for ways to communicate out this information more effectively in the future.

This morning I was snoozing my alarm and saw a notification that a baseball game was cancelled / postponed due to the fatal shooting of Daunte Wright in Minnesota.

I started crying. I thought about a music video I’ve gone back to a number of times since discovering it last year.

One of my first thoughts was to text a friend of mine who is in that music video. Checking the date I felt bad that I didn’t know about this shooting before now, it happened two days ago.

Should I still reach out to my friend? What would/could/should I say?

Then I thought about those people in DC who would come up to me and tell me “I wouldn’t know, except…” this applies to more things than I realized.

What hit me this morning is it doesn’t have to just be negative.

Maybe I don’t know what to say. And maybe it would have been better if I had reached out sooner. But, my friend will never know I’m thinking about him or that his music video has made an impression on my life if I don’t tell him.

One truth I circle back to regularly is this - we don't reach out in love enough.

When you think of someone, reach out.

When you have a chance to let someone know they made a difference in your life, take it.

A text, a note in the mail, an email – they can be what causes someone to say “I would never have known, except” in a way that means “Thank you for letting me know I matter and made a difference for someone.”

I know I referenced this song in a recent post, but it is also applicable here - one person having an idea and acting on it can make a difference (listen to the song Genealogy of Revolution, or read my other post if you want to know more). 

I am just once person. That is a fact. But all the choices I make, including the things I choose not to do, they have an impact on others.

And if enough people do something, we can change the world.

We need people standing up and saying, "Enough, this has to stop. Things have to change."

I want to be one of those voices.

Black Lives Matter.

We have to change power dynamics in this country.

We have to change systems that enable senseless death and violence.

People won't know....unless we tell them.

Say it both ways:

Say "We won't stand for this" to people in power.

Say "I'm standing with you" to those people and communities facing loss.

People won't know....unless we tell them.

Friday, April 2, 2021

Line Upon Line: Easter Edition


Yesterday I had a new experience with the principle of learning line upon line.

[For more on that concept, see 2 Nephi 28:30, where Book of Mormon prophet Nephi talks about this concept he learned from the Lord God, that was also taught by his favorite biblical prophet Isaiah (see Isaiah 28:10)]

I was reading the Come Follow Me chapter about Easter. I had read a little the day before, and listened to 1 Corinthians 15, but felt like I “wasn’t very far” in my study.

While eating some banana bread, I pulled up the app. Mentally I was chastising myself for starting the day later than I wanted to, especially since it meant I was now multi-tasking – eating breakfast while studying my scriptures (not always a very productive or ideal situation for me personally).

But I bowed my head and prayed to my Heavenly Father. I thanked Him for the food I had to eat and told Him I wanted to learn from the scriptures and feel a greater connection to the Savior, especially in this Holy Week leading up to Easter.

This question was presented in the manual: What do you learn about the Living Christ from His words in Doctrine and Covenants 29:5, 38:7; 62:1?

I clicked the link in my app to the first reference and read

Doctrine and Covenants 29:5

5 Lift up your hearts and be glad, for I am in your midst, and am your advocate with the Father; and it is his good will to give you the kingdom.

After reading the whole verse, this is what I thought:

They, God and Christ, are generous and present

I read it again, and this is what came to mind:

Not only is Christ present, He is advocating for us

I read it once more: 

He wants us to be happy, and acknowledges that will take effort on our part - "lift up your hearts and be glad"

At this point I thought, it doesn’t really matter how fast I read, what matters is that I seek to know my Savior better as I read and ponder His words.

With that thought, I read the verse a final time. Instead of a one line thought, this is what I gleaned:

Reading Doc & Cov 29:5 several times continued to bring new insight (recorded above). This most recent time, I was hit by the last phrase, that it is God's good will to give us the kingdom. Sometimes the word, or role, of advocate implies to me that there is an uphill battle to be fought. That the advocate has to change the mind of the person they are presenting the case to. But that final phrase in the verse says God wants to give us the kingdom, not that He'll only bestow it grudgingly on a few. God is inclusive, not elite. He is doing all He can to help us succeed.

Part of the point of learning line upon line is that we can learn a little here and a little there. And sometimes, as we continue to seek knowledge, we are given deeper or greater insight.

What line are you hoping to add to?

I encourage you to take it to God in prayer. He is eager to teach and to bless us with increased knowledge.

I am grateful for my Savior, Jesus Christ. I am grateful to know that He is here – He rose from the grave after His crucifixion. He is on my side, and by my side. I can trust in Him and lean on Him. I can allow Him to lead me to God the Father.

Tuesday, March 9, 2021

I Want You to Know - You Matter, and I Care


Some of the books I’ve read lately have been heavy and deep. I found one that was deep but buoyant and I can’t get it off my mind.


Here in the Real World by Sara Pennypacker is beautiful. The 13-year-old protagonist is trying to figure out how he fits into the world and finds a pamphlet that says “Live a Purpose Driven Life”. He ponders on this for a while while being accused by his new friend of living in 'magic fairness land'.

Then he realizes this:

[Ware] did want the world to be more fair. It wasn't fair that more people didn't want the world to be fair.

..

"You're right that I don't think that you should just take it when bad things happen, but I don't want things to be magically what they are not. I want them to be what they could be and somebody has to want that, or nothing bad will ever get better."


While in grad school what feels like a million years ago, I wrote in the front of a composition notebook (which I still have) “I want to make a difference, not money.” Right now, I feel like I’m doing a great job of not making money, but am still working on making a difference.

I’m trying to remember that making a difference can happen on many levels. I don’t have to be globally recognized to make a difference. I can make a difference one-on-one in quiet, small ways. And that matters.

But that also doesn’t mean I have to stop trying to make a broader difference.

With these ideas swirling in my mind, I listened to the music from a show called We Live in Cairo again today. The lyrics from Genealogy of Revolution touches on this idea that one person having an idea and acting on it can make a difference.

I was one person
Who had an idea
Who made it words
And someone heard
Someone heard
Someone heard and took my words
Someone heard and took my words
And made them theirs
And made them theirs
...
I told my sister we could fail
Come anyway
Come anyway
Go to the square
Go to the square
You'll know the words when you are there
And know that millions come from thousands
Know that thousands come from hundreds
Know that hundreds come from two
Which comes from one person
Who had an idea
Who made it words
And someone heard
Someone heard

I think my biggest desire currently is to help people know they matter and that I care. And I want to help create a society where everything we do, the laws we have, the way our cities are set up, the way we hire people - all of it - shows the truth that human being matter by the way people are treated, and by how we collectively respond if someone or something violates that truth.

But perhaps more than many other things, this desire of mine can be beautifully executed one-on-one with every person I come in contact with.

So if you're reading this, know that you matter, and I care. And if you know me personally, hold me accountable for showing that truth in all my interactions.


Tuesday, February 23, 2021

Speaks to My Soul: Chapters by Brett Young


New years can be exciting, overwhelming, fun, frustrating – basically, a mixture of emotions and experiences.

For me they often feel like a chance to pause, to take stock. The turning of a page. The beginning of a chapter.

So, for my first Speaks to My Soul post of 2021, I chose to write about Chapters sung by Brett Young.

In this song, the story is about a boy wanting to play ball – and finding out his injury or physical limitations will not allow that to happen professionally:

Doc said you'll never play again
Worst thing I ever heard
It sounds rough, doesn't it?
I wish I knew back then

I bet each of us has at least one moment like that – where someone else tells us the “Worst thing [we] ever heard” and we think everything is over, there is no coming back from this set back.

There's no perfect life
You can't hold back time

I feel like 2020 taught this lesson over and over again. And often not perfect is REALLY not perfect. Not what we wanted, expected or would have chosen. But, “you can’t hold back time” – it marches forward no matter what we do.

It is also why there is no way to just “go back to normal”. Because things changed.

People.

Expectations.

World views.

And that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

Truth is that we all got stories
Gotta fail on your way to glory
Takes time tryna get it right

A recurring thing I’ve felt, and witnessed in others, is the feeling that our life is a series of crashes and burns and others’ lives are a series of highlight reels. And a lot of social media feeds into this image – literally.

But, it is true – we all “gotta fail on [our] way to glory” and it certainly “Takes time tryna get it right” but the trying is worth it.

… every future has a past

And we can only get to the future by living now, and that now becomes our past and creates our future.

…right now I can hear God laughin'
Guess he must have heard my plans
And my odes, thought it was a joke
Gave me more than I could ask

Every page you turn
Is a lesson learned

This lyric speaks to why we can’t just go back. Because along the way we learn lessons. And we can carry those lessons and experiences and increased knowledge forward with us.

Ain't we all, ain't we all just tryna get it right?

I know I am. And I believe {most} other people are too. And I hope we all keep trying together, because I think we have great power to get things right – or at the very least to make them better, for everyone.

I wish I knew back then

This refrain in the song is near and dear to my heart. I said something similar when I relaunched my Etsy shop in 2020:

Sometimes we have to do hard things. Things that scare us.

For, well, years I've been standing on the edge asking if I'm ready and willing to take the leap and run my own business. So, I've dabbled here and there. Taken a step in one direction. Then taken five steps back into something more "safe".

I'm ready to try again!

There are so many sayings out there - "Better done than perfect" "One bird in your hand is better than two in the bush" - that remind me that sometimes we just have to leap.

And, I'm sure that this time will be like so many others:

I'll learn as I go
  • Things will get better
  • Looking back at some of the things I'm doing now will make me cringe
  • I'll wish I had known now what I will know then

But, now is all I've got, and I'm going for it!

We can’t know now what we will know then. But, we can trust that we will learn and grow and gain knowledge as we continue to experience life, continue to turn the pages and chapters day by day.

Things change in the blink of an eyelid

Not in every blink, but we never know which blink will bring the changes.

If you know someone who just experienced one of those blink of an eyelid changes, send them some love. If you can look back now and have some level of gratitude for one of those changes in your life, drop a comment below and share so we can all learn, grow, support and celebrate together!


P.S. Here's a link to the song if you want to give it a listen!


Wednesday, January 13, 2021

Spidey Sense: When did you last use yours?

One day while living and working in Alaska I was wandering downtown and decided to walk past my office building.

As I turned the corner, one of my colleagues called out to me, "Your spidey sense must have been going off again - I can't find my key!"

My key was in my pocket, so I was able to let her into the building and we chatted for a few minutes about her shift and then parted ways.

Her "again" referred to another time a few weeks before where I felt like I should stop by and say hello. I no longer remember the details, but I know she was in need that day too and I was able to fill her need.

---

This experience came to mind today when I had a virtual meeting with two women who are serving missions for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Talking to missionaries is always uplifting and inspiring to me. There is a light and happiness about these incredible people who dedicate themselves to a cause they believe in and who choose to focus on others. They have chosen to put their life and education on hold, pay to receive training and for their room and board, move to a new area, and committed to teaching all those who are interested about the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

During our conversation they challenged me to pray and ask God to help me think of someone who I could reach out to and share some of God's love and truth with.

What a cool challenge! Who can't use some extra love and light in their life?

As they made the challenge, I thought about my interaction with my colleague in Alaska. For years I have regularly prayed for God to help me find someone I can serve. I say something to this effect:

Heavenly Father, please help me to be aware of the people around me and to know how I can share thy love and light with them.

Or something like this:

Heavenly Father, please allow me to be a conduit of thy love to those around me.

Or this one:

Heavenly Father, please help me know who I can serve today.

Then I go about my day. Typically, these prayers help me become aware of little things - like holding a door open for someone, smiling at strangers, allowing someone else to go first while merging in traffic, or sending a message to a friend or family member who is on my mind.

I believe that what my colleague identified as a "spidey sense" is an example of God's hand in my life. His answer to my prayers. His direction in my life - giving me an opportunity to help one of His children.

When is the last time you benefitted from someone following their "spidey sense"? 

My invitation to you is to tell that person thank you for what they did - in person, via text, write a letter, make a phone call - we all need to know that what we do, even the little things, matters to someone.

Oh, and next time you feel inspired to go somewhere you weren't planning to, or when someone pops unexpectedly into your mind, accept the invitation to follow your spidey sense and reach out in love. You never know, you just might make someone's day!