Start Where You Are, You'll Only Get Better

"That's called imposter syndrome. It's real."

Those words from my blind date were validating and also made me very self-conscious.

Shifting from talking about my knitting skills, I continued sharing my thoughts around my ability to successfully open and run a crafting retreat bed & breakfast. "Well, I have won a few cookie baking contests, but as far as cooking, I'm just okay, not great."

"I imagine wherever you start, you'd get better," he encouraged.

Fact.

That conversation has stuck with me over the past few months. And it has come to mind several times over the past couple of weeks.

As so many people across the United States, and around the world, are being told to stay home, some of those people have turned to hobbies, new and old. Myself included.

I pulled out my flute and have been writing more again.

As I've done so, my self-conscious tendency reared it's large head as I've had to play with people in the house (since all my roommates are also stuck at home).

But, I remembered those words from my blind date. And I'm trying to act accordingly.

Wherever I am now, I will get better if I put in time and effort - especially consistently.

And, I'm probably better than I realize. My roommates seem to enjoy the music, and I'm grateful for that.

My commitment: Play my flute every day.

“Enough to Die for Me”

Photo Credit: midiman

I went to a creative writing workshop where one presenter talked about emphasis and how meaning can change simply by what we focus on.

For example: “This is my pen.”

This is my pen. (Not that one, this one.)

This is my pen. (I’m not lying, it really is.)

This is my pen. (It’s not yours, it’s mine.)

This is my pen. (Not a pencil, not a marker, a pen.)

With that idea fresh on my mind, I sang a beloved hymn, I Stand All Amazed

As I sang about the love of God and His Son Jesus Christ have for each one of us, one line stood out to me: “Enough to die for me”

It stuck in my mind for days and I decided to explore it a bit more (since it was on my mind anyway :) by emphasizing each word in the phrase like the creative writing workshop presenter demonstrated.

Enough to die for me

“Enough” can be used as a determiner or an adverb, and each definition helped expand my understanding.

Determiner: “as much or as many as required”

Adverb: “to the required degree or extent”

Enough – not a little, not sometimes, fully. Sufficient. Not lacking. That’s pretty powerful. This highlights Christ’s power to help me through all my trials and weaknesses. No matter how small. No matter how large. No matter how often.

Enough to die for me

To, as a preposition, gives direction and relationship between words. In this case, I feel it helps me understand that Christ’s “enough” (His perfection, wholeness, developed love) led Him to die [for me]. It provides a direct relationship between Him and me.

Enough to die for me

He really did die. As the son of a God, He didn’t have to, but He did. He made a choice that would benefit all humankind, every person who ever lived, lives, or will live upon the earth. It stands as a beacon to me – a reminder that I can choose how to use the time I’m given in this life to benefit others. I can live better because Christ chose to die. I can seek to live more like Him.

Enough to die for me

Merriam-Webster gave me some food for thought on this use of for:

• a)       used as a function word to indicate purpose
• b)      used as a function word to indicate an intended goal
• c)       used as a function word to indicate the object or recipient of a perception, desire, or activity

Each definition applies – we were and are the purpose for which Christ died. Fulfilling His role in God’s plan so that we could be saved through His Atonement was the intended goal of everything the Savior did. You and I are the recipients of the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ. "His was a great vicarious gift in behalf of all who would ever live upon the earth."

Enough to die for me

The Atonement of Jesus Christ is personal. Individual. Each and every person on this earth is a cherished child of God, and God sent His Son Jesus Christ to make it possible for each one of us to come back. You. Me.

Speaks to My Soul Series: The Man I Want to Be by Jake Scott

A question I ask myself a lot:

If I become the choices that I make 

Am I on the road that I should take

This is a conversation I’ve had with God over and over again. Once, when I was anticipating a big move, I prayed, “Just send me where I can do the most good.”

That seems like a good, selfless thing to ask for, right?

The answer I got?

“I can use you anywhere.”

Okay.

Is that still the answer later in my life?

Sure. There are children of God all around me, everywhere I go. There were more when I lived in New York City and less in Ketchikan, Alaska. But in both places, I had the chance to make friends, to serve in small and large ways.

Even if I get comfortable with the road that I'm on, there is another question:

When I write the last words of this story

Will I be the man I want to be

[Or in my case, the woman I want to be.] Will I? Or will I be a random collection of good intentions? Or a string of almosts?

Amongst the questions and reasons for hesitation, I know:

I don’t want to miss the first step

And never live cause I was too afraid

Fear of missing the first step and, as a result, never living might be what gets me out and doing things more then I care to admit. 

I want to really truly live. To go places, see things, do things, make friends and acquaintances that influence my life for good. And I can’t do that sitting still or staying in one place.

And I hope each choice I make leads to a more positive answer to this closing question of the song: 

Would the boy when I was young love the man that I’d become

Or would he even recognize my face

The Man I Want to Be by Jake Scott