Prayers Answered

I was asked to speak in Church the Sunday after Thanksgiving based on a talk given by Elder David A. Bednar in General Conference this past October.

Ironically, or maybe providently, I had already re-read this talk several times. There were themes in his talk that I picked up throughout the entire Conference - the need to not just know things, but to act on our knowledge. The need to decrease that gap between our knowledge and our actions. He said that there are things we know, but they are not necessarily reflected in what we do. It has been my experience that things that are simple are not always easy.

I learned so much as I studied in preparation for this talk. I spent a fair amount of time praying that I would be able to touch someone else's heart - that this was not just going to be a good experience for me, but that I could reflect the truths I had learned. I often pray prayers like that, and rarely do I ever find out if they have been answered or not.

Well, there was no question this time. One of my roommates good friends told me he thought my talk had been good. I didn't think twice about that till I was at our Institute of Religion class on Tuesday. There was a stray set of scriptures so I picked them up to figure out who they belonged to. As I was flipping through the papers in the back looking for a name, I saw my own name. This person had written down notes from what I said in my talk. I was floored.

Then, I hear "Nicole, can I have my scriptures back?" It was my roommates friend. He had been serious - he had enjoyed my talk. He saw what I was looking at and said, "See, you never know who you are going to influence for good."

I was humbled by this answer to my prayer - both that the prayer was answered so clearly and that I was able to find out about it. I love things like this that testify to me how much God loves all His children. I love that we have chances to answer others prayers and to have our prayers answered by the people around us.

Are You Mormon?

You know those questions that you just know are coming. Ones that come up often enough that they are really no surprise. As I was leaving work today, I was asked two such questions, one which I liked, and one which I did not.

So, I'm new to my job, and I definitely have not met everyone who works in the office. Many of those I meet for the first time ask if I am an intern. This is really not too surprising, I just finished school, and I realize I look pretty young. Today, I was walking out the door and this woman I had not met before says, "Excuse me, are you in college?" No. No I'm not. Then I wondered how many more times I will have to answer this question.

Then, I was walking down the street towards public transit and ran into a coworker of mine who I do know. She asked me where I came from and how long I've been in the area. When I told her I grew up in Utah, I got what is a very typical response: "Oh, are you a Mormon?" Yes. Yes I am. That is a question I never get tired of answering. I am a Mormon. I love being a Mormon. I love talking to people about what I believe, or what being a Mormon is like. I love being able to share small glimpses of the most important thing in my life with people I come in contact with - be that contact brief of extended. Unlike with the first question, with this question I wonder how many more times will I get to answer this one?

You know, as much as I dislike being asked some questions, I'll take them if it means sometimes I get to answer questions I love.

I Don't Have Time for This!

Today when I was walking back to the train after a longer day at work than I had planned on I noticed my phone was having some issues and thought, "I don't have time for this!" Then I thought about what I had just thought and realized that there will probably never come a day when I think, "Today I have time for something, or everything to go wrong. Today it won't upset me, and I can deal with all the stress and headache." I had to smile to myself (but I was still not happy about my phone).

After I got home I found out that my much anticipated plans for the evening were no longer an option. "I don't deserve this!" I thought, perpetuating my negative mood. After all, I had just finished a long day, and the anticipation of the exciting evening was one of the things that helped pull me through the day. Didn't I deserve to go have some fun?

As a distraction I decided to get online and send some emails. Well, the first email I opened made it clear that even though I am now employed my days of financial worry are far from over. "I can't deal with this!" was my first stress filled thought. Then a dear friend of mine reminded me that things will work out, and that there are proactive steps I can take. She gave me hope that I really can deal with this.

A couple emails later, I came across a letter from my brother. He is in Russia, and dealing with some totally unfair circumstances completely out of his control - things he does not have time for, does not deserve, and could very easily feel he can not deal with. But, he never mentioned any of those negative feelings. Instead, my little brother set a wonderful example for me reminding me that we choose our response to our circumstances and that so often true joy comes through our troubles as we learn how to be strong, and to swallow pride, and to feel and express true joy for others.

Hopefully I've gotten my selfish pity party out of my system for the next while, and I can instead focus on the incredibly wonderful things in my life. There are so many! Thanks to you my brother (even though you won't be reading this any time soon :)

I just finished a book that talked about 30 things we should know now. It was interesting - parts of it made me angry, parts of it made me cry, parts of it made me think. The parts that made me think were my favorite.

One of the ideas that was presented in this book was that we cannot change others, we can only decide our reactions to people and situations. This is a concept I am very familiar with, and really like - most of the time. I really liked the way he presented this concept: "If you cannot change the people around you, you can at least have the satisfaction of surprising them."

Reading that sentence and thinking about this concept reminded me of an experience I had as a teenager that taught me the power of not simply reacting as expected - of choosing to act differently than initially intended - and the sense of accomplishment that can bring.

Once my brothers and I were old enough, our parents assigned us to be responsible for a room for a month at a time on a rotating basis. Everyone dreaded their month in the kitchen - vacuuming only had to be done once a week, but dishes had to be done every day. At one point my parents told my brothers and me that their goal in giving us these chores in this way was that we would realize that we didn't like cleaning up after everyone's messes and just take care of our own. I told myself that I would try it with dishes, but if others didn't follow suit, I was done. Sometimes all of us did for one meal, but it never lasted.

One day it hit me that I was only hurting myself by "keeping score" and "punishing" others by not helping out. Then I really set the goal, and consistently cleaned up after myself. Honestly, I don't remember when or if my brothers every started doing the same, or if they or my parents ever were surprised by the change, but I know I was happier.

I have put that pattern into action in other ways and in different areas of my life, and at times I have felt the satisfaction of surprising others. Best of all, I have surprised myself with my ability to let things go, to not let the actions of others dictate my own, and to let go when I realize I'm trying to change others.

All Will Be Well

With all the change and decisions I'm facing in my life, this is a truth that I have been trying desperately to remind myself of. I do believe it - I'm just not sure I want to deal with whatever is going to happen between now and when all is well.

At Church today, there were some big changes announced. These changes are not going to really affect me, because I am moving. However, the comments made about change could not have been more timely. Personally I am facing a lot of change right now. Since I just graduated, this was to be expected, and my choices about what to study and where I'd like to work have greatly impacted the type and scope of change I face. None of that erases the fact that I feel nervous about the changes that are coming. I just want to share some of the thoughts that I heard today - even if it is just a selfish way to process what I was told and to more fully absorb the thoughts myself.

One of the first comments was, "All will be well, but it is a hard day." I really appreciate that acknowledgment. In the words of a good friend of mine, "can't I just be sad for a while?" I think that sometimes when we go through hard times we fail to allow ourselves a chance to just be sad, or to admit that this is a hard day. Sure, all will be well, but that takes time. And that is okay.

Looking back at past events that seemed hard can help too. I know that has helped me. Often I had no idea how things would work out in my life, but somehow they did. Usually not how I thought they would, but all too often better than I would have predicted. As they say, hind sight is 20/20, and looking back can help us have the courage to move forward and the patience to wait for the good that is coming.

The last comment about change that I want to share was, "Embrace change for the good it will bring." I will try to do that. I'm sure that the change in my life will bring good. I know it will bring growth. I know it will allow me to meet new people and to learn to give and serve in new ways. I know that growth and increased understanding are worth the hard day moments that come along.

All will be well. And in the mean time, I'll cling to that truth.

Wicked

Yesterday while we were cleaning our house my roommate and I were blasting the soundtrack to Wicked the Broadway musical. Now, I have to confess, I have never seen the production (though I hope to change that someday!) but I love the music. Thus, the following comments have only the perspective of the song and not the whole script.

One song starts: "No good deed goes unpunished No act of charity goes unresented" Elphaba, the wicked witch, is contemplating how her good intentions have not worked out the way she wanted and have resulted in misunderstanding and resentment from others.

Towards the middle of the song Elphaba asks a profound and self-searching question: "One question haunts and hurts, too much, too much to mention: Was I really seeking good or just seeking attention? Is that all good deeds are when looked at with an ice-cold eye?"

I have had to answer the "am I really seeking good or just attention" question on multiple occasions in my life. Sometimes the answer is, yes, I really wanted to do good, to make life a little easier for someone. Other times the painful truth is I just wanted someone to notice me, or to say "oh how wonderful you are!"

When I can answer that I was seeking good, I feel peace - even if others misconstrue my intent. That inner peace does not however mean I don't feel pain that others misunderstand, but it does mean I can move forward and keep seeking to do good and avoid just seeking attention despite the opinions of others.

As I listened to these words yesterday and thought about them, I realized that Jesus Christ warned against the threat of seeking attention for good deeds. When he was giving the Sermon on the Mount he cautioned:

"Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven. Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth: That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly." (Matthew 6:1-4)

Back to the song - Elphaba's response to her own question made me sad: "If that's all good deeds are, maybe that's the reason why No good deed goes unpunished. All helpful urges should be circumvented. No good deed goes unpunished. Sure, I meant well Well, look at what well-meant did. All right, enough - so be it! Let all Oz be agreed: I'm wicked through and through" she ends the song saying: "I promise no good deed will I attempt to do again, ever again"

I want to make a different promise: I promise I will continue to attempt to do good deeds, even if others view them with an ice cold eye. I will continue to attempt to do good deeds especially when they seem to go unnoticed. I will continue to attempt to do good deeds even when I feel my good deeds are not making a difference. And, I promise to keep asking myself if I am seeking good, or seeking attention - and when I'm seeking attention to adjust my intentions and actions.

America

Seeing as today is the 4th of July, I think this is a wonderfully appropriate time to get around to this post that has been brewing for quite some time.

First, I want to share four quotes about America that I have come across in the past nine months or so that capture some of my thoughts and feelings:

"It will do us not good to be naive about the challenges we face in this country. We do have problems, and they are not a few. There are issues that demand our earnest, inspired attention. But there is too much fruitless carping and criticism of America. What might become of this land if we spoke less of its weaknesses and more if its goodness and strength, its capacity and potential?"

- Gordon B. Hinckley, Standing for Something

"There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America."

- President Bill Clinton, first inaugural address January 20th, 1993

"In reaffirming the greatness of out nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom."

- President Barack Obama, inaugural address January 20th, 2009

"Now we might not always get it right But there's nowhere else I rather build my life"

- Rodney Atkins "It's America"

I love living in America. I don't think that means I would not like living in another place. I have lived in several places including the West, the South, and New England. The places and the people in each have been wonderful. Each has pros and cons. That is true of any place in the world. Personally, I side with Gordon B. Hinckley and think that while we must be aware of the challenges we face (be it as Americans or more simply as human beings wherever we find ourselves) we must also focus on goodness, strength, capacity and potential. And Rodney Atkins is right - America/Americans don't always get things right. But, as President Obama said, there are many wonderful unsung hero's who work hard to carry us towards greatness.

In some of my graduate classes we would talk about some of the things going on in other countries related to policy affecting children, the environment, education and other things. There were often comments about how much better some policy about bike travel was in Sweden than in America. Or how the Finnish education system is so superior to our K-12 education. I have friends from Finland, and I asked them about their experience. As I listened to my classmates and my friends I realized that often the best of another country was being compared with the worst in America. That seems to be an unfair comparison to me. Again, I emphasize that I think there is much room for improvement, and collectively Americans should work to make live better for all of us who live here. But, I also submit that if we look for it, we can find, build on and expand the goodness in this great land.

I am proud to be an American. I am grateful for the chances that we collectively have. I hope to be on of the risk-takers, makers and doers that, as President Obama said, is not afraid to work or faint-hearted. My sincere desire is that I personally, and Americans generally, strive more to use what is right with America to cure what is wrong with America.

God Bless America

Biggest Lie

So, I have had a lot of feelings of stress, pressure, and being overwhelmed lately. I say this not to draw attention to me, or to elicit sympathy. Instead, it is to express gratitude. Today I got an email from a good friend with a link to a youtube video called "Are you going to finish strong?" It is one of the many, many youtube video's about Nick Vujicic - who is a young man who grew up with no arms and legs. He travels and talks to people about overcoming challenges and recognizing on whom we rely for strength. It gave me a wonderful perspective and helped me in my moment of need.

After I got this email, I watched the video and for the next half hour or so watched related videos. In another video, Nick told a world religious leader (sorry, I don't know who he was, or where he was from) that we can not, and should not compare suffering. We should all work together as God's family to help each other through the struggles that we face and to put our own suffering in perspective. Nick said the following: "The greatest lie that we are believing today is that you need to do this life alone. That’s a lie. God is a personal God, you can talk to Him, you can pray with Him. It’s not about just coming to Church on Sunday’s and doing the status quo. Talk to Him; share your heart with him. Lord, here I am please help me. I’m here today to tell you this, that no matter who you are no matter what you are going through, God knows it, He is with you, He is going to pull you through."

As I listened to and watched these videos I realized that Nick and his message serves as a good reminder that life is what we make of it, and we can choose our reactions to our circumstances - even, or maybe especially, those circumstances that we can not change.

Today I was especially grateful for the reminder that it is a lie that we too often believe that "you need to do this life alone." So, I'll keep praying to God, telling Him my hopes and dreams, my fears and concerns. I will continue to ask for help and seek to remember that I can do all things with His help (which includes the help of those I have been blessed to have play a part in my life).

Lovin' Life

The other day I was sitting eating lunch in my department's building and a friend of mine came in and joined me. We hadn't talked for a bit and we were just catching up on the "What's new?" question. I'm not sure what prompted it, or exactly why I said it, but at one point I said, "I love my life." My friend looked at me and observed, "You don't hear very many people say that."

He's right. I don't often hear people say they love their life. I really do. I feel that I have been so richly blessed and that I have been given so many wonderful opportunities and get to interact with some incredible people. When I start to feel overwhelmed, I remind myself, as I wrote before, the importance of little things and the ability to choose to be happy. For example, I walked to a little park, sat on a bench, read a book, and enjoyed the sun on my face yesterday. Joy. I really do love my life. I love finding happiness and choosing to walk away from frustration and stress as soon as possible.

This does not, however, mean that there is nothing I would change or that there are not things that I long for or that nothing makes me sad. Quite the opposite. There was a song on the radio that was talking about the fact that there are lots of mountains in our lives and the trick is to learn to enjoy the climb. (sorry, I have no idea who sings it, or what it's called - but I want to!) I'm also reminded of a comment made in a seminar I went to talking about balance in life. The seminar was given by Kevin Rollins, former CEO of Dell Computers, who said that life is 99% mundane and 1% exciting. He said, and I've found, that if we only wait for the "exciting" 1% we'll miss out on a lot of good times. So, I just try to take life as it comes and love it. Often it is one of the many amazing people around me who in one way or another remind me how good my life is, how much better it is to be happy, or just make me laugh or give me a hug and help me refocus.

Thanks to all you fantastic people who make my life so wonderful and remind me that it's really not so bad when I'm tempted to throw a pity party!

PS for an awesome talk on this subject read "Come What May and Love It"

PPS I found the lyrics: It's a song called "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus the chorus says:

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Think Happy Thoughts

A few nights ago I was getting into my bed and heard the sound of something falling off my night stand into my garbage can. With a slight scowl on my face I paused to find out what it was that found its way into the garbage can.

I pulled out this little frame that I had nearly forgotten was there - half buried under my Ensign, journal, some tissues, a letter or two and who knows what else. It has a picture of a cute little girl with a hat on that is clearly too big for her and says "The happy thought that lasts a moment can bring joy that lasts all day." It was the perfect reminder at the end of a long, stressful day. I stepped back and thought about my day and the little happy things that had happened. Thinking about those things really did bring joy and my frustration melted away and a smile graced my face.

Then I had this sudden memory of Peter Pan and the trick to flying to Never Land. They had to think happy thoughts. Happy thoughts were powerful and enabled them to fly. I think that metaphorically speaking the same thing is true in our lives. We are lifted up as we think about happy, positive things. We are given the ability to rise above the circumstances we find ourselves in. We can be transported to a better, brighter place. Thoughts are powerful, and we can choose which ones we will entertain. So I'm going to try to increase my happy thoughts, and by so doing increase my joy :)

Real Life Connections

I was reading an article from the Ensign, a monthly magazine published by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and the words I read really touched my heart and made me think. Elder F. Burton Howard said, "we must take care to connect the events of the Sacred Grove with real life and with present circumstances, or the result will be that the great truths of the Restoration will become something we just talk about and not live."

Elder Howard is referring to the experience that Joseph Smith had in a grove of trees on his parents farm in upstate New York in the Spring of 1820. Joseph Smith entered that grove of trees in order to pray to God for an answer to the questions that he had on his mind. He had read in James 1:5 "If any of you lack wisdom let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him." He had faith that this scriptural promise would be fulfilled, and it was (for further details of this experience read Joseph Smith History).

I want to take a few minutes and share some of the ways that I have connected the events in the Sacred Grove to my life and my present circumstances.

One thing I learn from the experience is that the words of scriptures are powerful. I have been told that we should pray to God when we have questions and concerns and we should read the scriptures when we want to hear His answers. I take comfort in knowing that there are others who have done this and had success with that method of receiving guidance and direction. I too have turned to the scriptures many times in my life when I have needed guidance and comfort. I have found peace and perspective. I have been given answers to my concerns as well as assurance that the choices I have made and the path I am following is a good one and productive in my life.

Another thing I learn is that prayers are answered. I do not always pray as often or as sincerely as I should. When I do take the time to confide in my Heavenly Father I am amazed at how things can be put in perspective and I can forget my woes and feel peace. I have often felt strengthened as I share my burden and seek guidance. Those feelings and experiences I have are real. They are a part of me. They are harder for me to brush aside or forget than the experiences of others that I just hear about or read about.

Perhaps less happy of a lesson, but something I have learned and found to be true in my life nevertheless, things are not always easy or smooth or go the way we want them to. This is true even if we follow that which we believe to be right. There are bumps in our path. There are those who seek to distract us. There are moments when we feel all alone. However, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. This means to me that I should keep pressing forward, even when - or perhaps especially when, things seem too hard and all hope seems to flee.

A little bit later in the article, he went on to say, "The wear and tear of daily living often over shadow the things we know, and we fail to heed." I hope that I can notice when the wear and tear of daily living are overshadowing the things I think are important and choose to direct my attention to things of greater worth.

Letting the Light In

I was sitting on my bed with my back to my window wrapped in a blanket reading my scriptures this morning. After reading for a couple minutes I realized that I was having trouble seeing the pages and had to strain my eyes to read the words. A slight movement allowed some light that was streaming through my window, but blocked by my body, to fall on the pages. I realized I was unnecessarily making things difficult for myself. There was no reason my back needed to be to the window, so I moved and allowed the light to fall unobstructed on my scriptures making it easier for me to read.

It dawned on me that there are probably many times in my life that I figuratively do this. I know the light is right there behind me, but I don't make the effort to allow it to guide me and make my life easier. The Savior Jesus Christ told us "I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness but shall have the light of life" (John 8:12). He also said basically the same thing in a slightly different way: "I am come a light into the world, that whosoever believeth on me should not abide in darkness." (John 12:46). I know that learning of the Savior and trying to be more like him has blessed my life in countless ways. I hope I can continue to come unto the light of the world and be able to share the light, truth, knowledge and joy that it brings into my life with those around me.

Choose to Be Happy

I was recently given some great council from my father. He told me to choose to be happy; to continue with my my cheerful attitude and behaviors.

Happiness is something I value and strive for. I try to always have a smile on my face and to remember that I have so much to be grateful for - even when things do not seem to be going my way. One of the movies that I love is Pollyanna. It tells the story of a young girl who recently lost her father who was a minister. He had taught her to play "the glad game" where one seeks to find the good in a situation, no matter how dire it appears. Quoting her father she says "with 826 "happy texts" in the Bible, God must have wanted people to be happy"

I agree, God must want us to be happy. I did a quick search for the phrase "be of good cheer" and found 13 results in the scriptures. I love that command - be of good cheer. I try to do that. I believe that for the most part, we find what we are looking for. So, I choose to look for the good. I choose to be happy. I choose to smile, to laugh.

In the words of Martina McBride:

Oh watch me go
I'm a happy girl
And I've come to know
That the world won't change
Just 'cause I complain
Let the axis twirl
I'm a happy girl

Happy Girl by Martina McBride

A Nickel

Today as I walked to the T from my dentist appointment a guy held out his worn looking cup and asked if I had any change to spare. I rarely carry cash or change with me. Today was one of those days. So, I said "I'm sorry, I don't" with sadness in my eyes and a pang of sorrow in my heart.

I had not gotten more than a few steps away when I realized I did have some change with me - a nickel. I found that nickel on the stairs of my campus a few days ago, had picked it up and put in my coat pocket. As soon as a realized that, I turned around digging the nickel out of my pocket as I walked, and dropping it into the empty cup said "Actually, I have a nickel."

Turning back towards the T once again, I said a little prayer in my heart. I asked God to bless those who have so little that maybe their hope and faith that things will get better might increase, and that those like me who have more will be willing and able to share what we do have.

A nickel is not a lot. By itself it will not do much for that man, and in some ways, it may even have seemed insulting. But it was all I had with me (besides a cough drop and tissues, which I suppose he might have been able to use). When I got to the T I saw another nickel on the ground. Again, I know a nickel is not much, but I picked this one up too and put it in my pocket again. For me, it stood as a small and simple reminder that someone is watching and knows what we do. He appreciates the small acts of kindness we do. He was reminding me personally that what I have is not mine, and I will be blessed as I seek ways to reach out in love to those around me.

Some may say it was just two nickels and a coincidence, but it taught me a great lesson and is helping me set patterns of giving and being aware of the needs of those around me.

It's Not Just What You Say

In one of my classes this week we were talking about the ethical nature of the choices we make and the way we interact with others. My professor was pushing us to define honesty and think about when it is necessary. Does it mean simply not making statements that are false? Can you say nothing and be dishonest? Is it sometimes okay to be dishonest?

These are questions that sometimes, or even often, seem to have blurry lines - or to be more gray than black and white. My professor told us the rule of thumb that he likes to use: If you do something with the intent to mislead it is unethical, even if to do so would put you at a strategic advantage.

Personally, I like my professors rule of thumb. It is not just what you say, or fail to say, it is also the intent behind your words. I think it takes courage to be honest and to not let someone keep believing something that is not true even if revealing the truth may seem strategically unadvantageous.

In the long run, honesty and fair-play are strategically wise strategies to use. It is important to remember also that things that may not technically be unethical may ultimately undermine trust. Life is full of ongoing relationships and interactions. It is always wise to work to build and improve relationships and to address concerns as they arise. The peace of mind and conscience that comes from being honest is more important to me than any perceived gains of acting in an unethical manner.

Who I Really Am

This is not a contemplation of the cosmic who am I and why am I here question. If you want to know my thoughts on this, you can read a previous blog post of mine by clicking here. This is a consideration of reconciling the "Nicole" that others see and tell me about and the "Nicole" I feel like on the inside.

All too often I find myself thinking something like "If they really knew me they would not like me so much. They would see that I am nowhere near as amazing as they think I am." I was having a negative thoughts about myself moment the other day. As I sat there thinking, I remembered a conversation from a Sunday School class a few months back. We were talking about dating and someone commented about the tendency we have to put our best self forward in those kind of situations. We want others to like us. We want them to have the best possible impression. Some felt this is a bad things. "Why can't we let people see who we really are?" "Should we pretend to be something we are not?"

Then, this guy shared his opinion. He believes there is a difference between trying to mislead someone to believe that we are something we are not, and the choice to be our very best self. As we work to present our very best self, we will inevitably become better. This seems much healthier to me than saying "Well, this is how I am and they better just be okay with that." Each of us should want to be better and be working to make improvements in our lives.

With that running through the back of my mind, I asked myself some related and important questions. Why is it that I think I am the only person who knows me? What makes my opinion superior to all others? Yes, it is definitely true that I have access to inside information :) But really, who am I? What I think and feel and do and say. All combined. Is my 'real' self my most frustrated moments when everything seems to be going wrong and I just want to throw in the towel? Is my 'real' self my best moment when my heart wants to burst with all the love and joy I feel towards those around me and the blessings God has given me? Is my 'real' self an average of my best and worst? Or is my 'real' self what I am most often?

I'm not sure I have the answer. But, I do know that my real self is NOT my worst moment self. I need to give credit to those who see the good in me. I can work harder to make those best moments happen more often. I need to count as success when I don't follow through with my worst moment thoughts and feelings. That is a sign that I am a better person than my worst internal moments would have me believe. Thanks to all who see my best self and help me move toward consistently being the real me that you see!

Goals

At the beginning of each year a focus on starting new and making changes emerges. I personally love this! I've thought a lot about the purpose of setting goals and how they can be good and bad. On Sunday in Relief Society (the woman's organization in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) we had a lesson about setting goals and self assessment.

I appreciated the comments about how it is important to think about the motive behind our goal. The teacher used the example of losing 10lbs - a common enough New Year's Resolution. Instead of just setting a weight loss goal, ask yourself the reason for achieving this goal. Is it to be healthier? To feel more loved? To feel more comfortable in social settings? Depending on your motive, the goal may need to be modified - not just lose weight but eat better too or to work on your feelings of self-worth in other ways as well.

One sister in the class commented that at certain times in her life lessons like this would have made her feel awful because she was doing all she could to just keep afloat. At other times she would have been inspired and felt like she could conquer the world. Really, all we have to do is what we can, which is different at different times and in different ways. There is one scripture in particular that talks about this principle that I love. "And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order." Mosiah 4:27

Someone else told of a friend who once expressed the view that goals are just another chance to fail. That made me very sad. And, it made me reflect on the purpose of goals. I feel that goals provide us with road maps. They help us when we are deciding how to spend our time and when we are choosing between two good things - we can ask ourselves what will most help us towards our goal. Goals help us continue moving forward and up. They help us get closer to where we want to be - in many aspects of our lives - then we would without some kind of game plan and direction.

I think goals can be made for the wrong reasons. I believe goals can be too big for us to handle at the time we make them or in the time frame we give ourselves. However, I believe that goals are not successful only if we achieve them in the way and time initially intended. I think the fact that we can dream of something more or better than we have now is a success. I think that if goals help move us further down the path we've chosen, we've had success. Goals give us a chance to show we are not just accepting things the way they are, but actively shaping where we are going and what we will do along the way. That is a beautiful thing.

It's the Little Things

My whole life little things have been very important to me. It was always little things that made me happy - and mad for that matter. My brothers and my parents can testify to that I'm sure :) There are pros and cons to this outlook on life. When I was going to school in Virginia, one of my roommates loved to give me a hard time about how happy little things would make me. She told me one day that she was going to make a list of little things that made me happy to give to my husband someday. They included things like vanilla scented trash bags, swinging at the park, hearing a song I like on the radio, having someone smile or say hello to me . . . I just laughed and told her I'd rather be happy with little things and be happy a lot than to wait for big things to make me happy and spend a lot of time waiting.

There is a scripture that always comes to mind when I think about the power of little things. It is in The Book of Mormon in Alma 37:6 and says: "Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise." I have always loved that! I like to think about the difference I could potentially make through the little actions I take. And I like to acknowledge the little things that have made a great difference for me.

Recently I had some wonderful experiences that reminded me of this great truth, and I want to give a shout out to little things. Things like offering to help with the dishes - and not just offering, but doing them. Taking time to listen - really listen and remember what someone says. Respecting the feelings and concerns people have, but being willing to gently nudge them towards something wonderful. Being sincere. Recognizing good in those around you - and pointing it out to them. Playing Legos with little boys. Finding adventures in everyday events. Taking time to look past yourself and notice the needs and feelings of others. Asking others to help you learn a new skill. Following through with a promise made. Sharing stories - listening and telling. Giving hugs hello - and goodbye :)

There are so many wonderful little things in life. And, there are also a great deal of little negative things in life - things that can weigh us down, and make us forget what we really want and how to be truly happy. I'm grateful for the great things that come from small things and for the times in my life that I do allow little things to make a positive and not a negative impact on me. I'm reminded of a quote that my brother recently sent me in an email: "Sometimes we need to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy." I think that is what being happy over little things can do for us - allow us to pause in our pursuit of happiness to just be happy.

Collective Potential

I'm currently reading a fantastic book called "Standing for Something: 10 Neglected Virtues that will Heal Our Hearts and Homes" by Gordon B. Hinckley. It has given me a lot to think about. In the chapter "Making a Case for Morality" he talks about how we can make a difference in our overall society by the individual choices we make. Says Hinckley "It all begins with our own personal choice. Reformation of the world begins with reformation of self."

As I was pondering this, wondering how well I'm doing at living a moral life and what I can do to further reform myself, I had a few interesting thoughts. First, I thought about how we influence each other and how grateful I am for the good people in my life who both set a good example and make it easy for me to maintain my standards. Then I had this thought: we can not collectively be what we individually are not. However, a few minutes, or maybe even only seconds, of thought made me realize this is not true, and I am so grateful that it is not true.

Perhaps a movie reference can help me illustrate this point. Remember the Titans is one of my favorite movies. It tells the story of a football team at a high school in Virginia the first year the school integrated blacks and whites. There is tension within the team, the coaching staff, the school, and the community. Coach Boone is a tough coach who expects a lot from the boys on the team. He demands that they do their best, he pushes them to get past their animosity towards each other and work together. He tells the team: "We will be perfect in every aspect of the game. You drop a pass, you run a mile. You miss a blocking assignment, you run a mile. You fumble the football, and I will break my foot off in your John Brown hind parts and then you will run a mile. Perfection. Let's go to work."

One night during their pre-season camp things come together, they start acting like a team. Despite the great challenges from within and without the team triumphantly enters the state championship game undefeated. They are up against a very good team, and at half time they are having a rough time. Coach Boone tells the team: "It's all right. We're in a fight. You boys are doing all that you can do. Anybody can see that. Win or lose... We gonna walk out of this stadium tonight with our heads held high. Do your best. That's all anybody can ask for." To which Julius Campbell, one of the players, replies: "No, it ain't Coach. With all due respect, uh, you demanded more of us. You demanded perfection. Now, I ain't saying that I'm perfect, 'cause I'm not. And I ain't gonna never be. None of us are. But we have won every single game we have played till now. So this team is perfect. We stepped out on that field that way tonight. And, uh, if it's all the same to you, Coach Boone, that's how we want to leave it." And they do, the perfect season, 16-0.

Remembering that scene made me realize that collectively we can be so much more than we can be individually. And, if we learn how to depend on one another, how to develop our own strengths and know when to lean on the strengths of others we can do amazing things. We can collectively be what we individually are incapable of being, and do things together that would never be possible on our own.