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I too often find myself feeling sorry for myself. Seeing the
success and good fortune of others and reading that as a sign that I can’t, or
at least won’t, have success either.
One of my recurring fears is not that someone won’t love me,
but that someone can’t love me.
In the light of day, while putting words on paper, most of
me can see [or hope] that this is not true, or that this is a demon
whispering in my ear.
But inside my head (where I apparently spend too much time),
this feels real, inevitable, inescapable.
We all have good and evil inside us. We all have damaging
thoughts and healing thoughts.
Someone has characterized these as wolves. And which wolf
wins – the good or the bad?
The one we feed.
In church yesterday, my bishop shared a few comments at the
end of our Sacrament meeting that got me thinking:
“We believe in a God of abundance.
But we live in a world of scarcity.”
It is true. If one person gets a specific job someone else
can’t have that job. If one person gets a scholarship that money is not
available for anyone else.
And that reality is true for other things as well, including
dating.
But the abundance that God offers us is so much more than
any of those things. We all can feel peace. We all have access to God’s love.
We all have the benefit of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. We all have access to
the guidance of the Holy Ghost. Every single person on earth, as much as we
need, all at the same time, forever.
Wow.
That is certainly the wolf I want to feed.
So how do I access that abundance?
This morning I had one way come to my attention while
reading in 1 Peter 5:6-7:
“Humble [yourself] therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: [Cast] all your care upon him; for he careth for you.”
I can’t keep it rolling around in my head, I have to cast my
care upon God.
What first came to my mind was a visual of fishing with my grandpa.
Using the proper flick of my wrist to send my fishing line singing through the
air to plop in the water far away.
Thinking of that experience I also realized that it is not
just about sending something away. That sending out is crucial, but what is
beautiful is that you get something back. And God, our abundant God, is going
to give us beautiful things when we are willing and able to cast our cares on
him.
Things I want to cast away:
- Negative thoughts
- Envy of others good fortune
- My tendency to dwell on my mistakes
- Poor self-image
Even if I got nothing in return besides having less of that
in my life, that would be pretty incredible!
