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Today when I was walking back to the train after a longer day at work than I had planned on I noticed my phone was having some issues and thought, "I don't have time for this!" Then I thought about what I had just thought and realized that there will probably never come a day when I think, "Today I have time for something, or everything to go wrong. Today it won't upset me, and I can deal with all the stress and headache." I had to smile to myself (but I was still not happy about my phone).
After I got home I found out that my much anticipated plans for the evening were no longer an option. "I don't deserve this!" I thought, perpetuating my negative mood. After all, I had just finished a long day, and the anticipation of the exciting evening was one of the things that helped pull me through the day. Didn't I deserve to go have some fun?
As a distraction I decided to get online and send some emails. Well, the first email I opened made it clear that even though I am now employed my days of financial worry are far from over. "I can't deal with this!" was my first stress filled thought. Then a dear friend of mine reminded me that things will work out, and that there are proactive steps I can take. She gave me hope that I really can deal with this.
A couple emails later, I came across a letter from my brother. He is in Russia, and dealing with some totally unfair circumstances completely out of his control - things he does not have time for, does not deserve, and could very easily feel he can not deal with. But, he never mentioned any of those negative feelings. Instead, my little brother set a wonderful example for me reminding me that we choose our response to our circumstances and that so often true joy comes through our troubles as we learn how to be strong, and to swallow pride, and to feel and express true joy for others.
Hopefully I've gotten my selfish pity party out of my system for the next while, and I can instead focus on the incredibly wonderful things in my life. There are so many! Thanks to you my brother (even though you won't be reading this any time soon :)
Friday, October 16, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
I just finished a book that talked about 30 things we should know now. It was interesting - parts of it made me angry, parts of it made me cry, parts of it made me think. The parts that made me think were my favorite.
One of the ideas that was presented in this book was that we cannot change others, we can only decide our reactions to people and situations. This is a concept I am very familiar with, and really like - most of the time. I really liked the way he presented this concept: "If you cannot change the people around you, you can at least have the satisfaction of surprising them."
Reading that sentence and thinking about this concept reminded me of an experience I had as a teenager that taught me the power of not simply reacting as expected - of choosing to act differently than initially intended - and the sense of accomplishment that can bring.
Once my brothers and I were old enough, our parents assigned us to be responsible for a room for a month at a time on a rotating basis. Everyone dreaded their month in the kitchen - vacuuming only had to be done once a week, but dishes had to be done every day. At one point my parents told my brothers and me that their goal in giving us these chores in this way was that we would realize that we didn't like cleaning up after everyone's messes and just take care of our own. I told myself that I would try it with dishes, but if others didn't follow suit, I was done. Sometimes all of us did for one meal, but it never lasted.
One day it hit me that I was only hurting myself by "keeping score" and "punishing" others by not helping out. Then I really set the goal, and consistently cleaned up after myself. Honestly, I don't remember when or if my brothers every started doing the same, or if they or my parents ever were surprised by the change, but I know I was happier.
I have put that pattern into action in other ways and in different areas of my life, and at times I have felt the satisfaction of surprising others. Best of all, I have surprised myself with my ability to let things go, to not let the actions of others dictate my own, and to let go when I realize I'm trying to change others.
One of the ideas that was presented in this book was that we cannot change others, we can only decide our reactions to people and situations. This is a concept I am very familiar with, and really like - most of the time. I really liked the way he presented this concept: "If you cannot change the people around you, you can at least have the satisfaction of surprising them."
Reading that sentence and thinking about this concept reminded me of an experience I had as a teenager that taught me the power of not simply reacting as expected - of choosing to act differently than initially intended - and the sense of accomplishment that can bring.
Once my brothers and I were old enough, our parents assigned us to be responsible for a room for a month at a time on a rotating basis. Everyone dreaded their month in the kitchen - vacuuming only had to be done once a week, but dishes had to be done every day. At one point my parents told my brothers and me that their goal in giving us these chores in this way was that we would realize that we didn't like cleaning up after everyone's messes and just take care of our own. I told myself that I would try it with dishes, but if others didn't follow suit, I was done. Sometimes all of us did for one meal, but it never lasted.
One day it hit me that I was only hurting myself by "keeping score" and "punishing" others by not helping out. Then I really set the goal, and consistently cleaned up after myself. Honestly, I don't remember when or if my brothers every started doing the same, or if they or my parents ever were surprised by the change, but I know I was happier.
I have put that pattern into action in other ways and in different areas of my life, and at times I have felt the satisfaction of surprising others. Best of all, I have surprised myself with my ability to let things go, to not let the actions of others dictate my own, and to let go when I realize I'm trying to change others.
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