The Lines on My Face

I've probably heard the song 'Who Says You Can't Go Home' a hundred times before. This time when I heard it on the radio one section jumped out at me:

I went as far as I could tryin to find a new face
There isn't one of these lines that I would erase
I left a million miles of memories on that road
Every step I take I know that I'm not alone

Bon Jovi/Sugarland

Two memories came to mind: First, when I was in high school I performed in a production of The Sting. I played the narrator who is approximately 60 years old. One night I was sitting in a chair in front of the woman putting on my old woman makeup. She told me to scrunch my forehead. I did. "You sure have a lot of lines" she said. I didn't know how to respond, and my eyebrows were already raised, so I just did nothing. Maybe a minute later she says, "Oh, I meant you have a lot of lines in the play!" Which I did, but I also have quite a few lines on my forehead when I scrunch it up.

Second, I remember sitting in my Grandma Smith's kitchen making cookies (soft gingersnaps - so good!) preparing for a fishing trip we were taking with Grandpa Smith the next morning. I was probably 10 years old. I noticed that she has a lot of lines all over her face. Honestly at this point I don't remember if she called them smile crinkles or if I did. But, the point is, I remember thinking "I'm going to be proud of my 'smile crinkles' someday - they will tell the story of the life I've lived and the joy I've felt."

I still feel that way - and echo Bon Jovi's sentiment: There isn't one of these lines that I would erase."

Balance: Faith vs. Works

The concept of balance is something that fascinates me. So often I find myself coming to the conclusion that almost everything comes back to balance. My roommate gave me a copy of a talk that Bruce R. McConkie gave at Brigham Young University (Agency or Inspiration--Which? on 27 Feb 1973) and the idea of balance struck me again.

And so we're faced with two propositions. One is that we ought to be guided by the spirit of inspiration, the spirit of revelation. The other that we're here under a direction to use our agency, to determine what we ought to do on our own; and we need to strike a fine balance between these two, if we're going to pursue a course that will give us joy and satisfaction and peace in this life and lead to eternal reward in our Father's kingdom.

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints I believe we lived in Heaven with God before we came to this earth. He presented a plan to us where we could come to earth, receive a mortal body, be given the gift of agency, and - contingent on our choices in this life - be able to return and live with Him again after this life. I believe that God answers our prayers, and that He will lead and guide us as we seek His direction in our lives. I also have been taught that if we have to be commanded (or receive direction) in all things we are slothful servants - instead we should be engaged in many good things of our own free will (see Doc & Cov 58:26-27).

There is a phrase I have heard many times, and I think expresses some of the balance we need to seek:

Pray like everything depends on God; Then go work like everything depends on you.

(I tried to find out who said this, and I found it attributed to John Wesley, Martin Luther, and St. Augustine - and several people who suggest we should also work like it depends on God)

I think it takes faith both to ask God for help and to get off our knees and start working toward the items we ask God for help with.

We can't just ask. We can't just work hard and do it on our own. To be more clear - we are most likely to find true success and joy in our lives if we turn to God in faith AND strive to do all in our power to accomplish our goals. In the words of Bruce R. McConkie:

. . . implicit in asking in faith is the precedent requirement that we do everything in our power to accomplish the goal we seek. We use the agency with which we have been endowed. We use every faculty and capacity and ability that we possess to bring about the eventuality that may be involved.

It has been my experience that true faith in Christ leads me to action (works) and that as I do all in my power trusting that God will help me (and sometimes that means He helps me see why I can't have, or actually don't want, what I thought I did) I see His hand in my life - and as I recognize His hand in my life, my faith is strengthened.

Most of the time I don't feel like I have balance in my life - but, I am so very grateful for the chance I have to seek balance and for the direction and guidance that the principles and teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ provide as I push forward in my quest.

Strength from God

I've been reading the Book of Mormon looking for examples of how the Lord strengthens people or examples where someone does something in the strength of the Lord. This has been a neat experience, and I wanted to share something I recently learned reading with this lens.

In the Book of Mormon, there is a considerable amount of history recounted that has to do with wars being fought between two peoples - the Nephites (generally speaking, the good guys) and the Lamanites (generally speaking, the bad guys). In the 58th chapter of the book of Alma the people of Nephi are seeking to protect themselves from the people of Nephi.

10 Therefore we did pour out our souls in prayer to God, that he would strengthen us and deliver us out of the hands of our enemies, yea, and also give us strength that we might retain our cities, and our lands, and our possessions, for the support of our people. (Alma 58:10)

What really struck me in this verse was that the people had to pour out their souls pleading for God to give them strength.

Then I read on:

11 Yea, and it came to pass that the Lord our God did visit us with assurances that he would deliver us; yea, insomuch that he did speak peace to our souls, and did grant unto us great faith, and did cause us that we should hope for our deliverance in him.(Alma 58:11)

So often the strength the Lord grants unto us is "peace to our souls" and "great faith" that allows us to hope. I truly feel that peace is a source of strength from the Lord, and I want to express gratitude for the peace that God has granted unto me.

Fear

"What am I going to do? I need a job!"

My mind was full of fear and those thoughts as I laid in bed trying to force my body to fall asleep (still adjusting to being back in my time zone . . .)

"Heavenly Father, I know that thou art aware of me, and I believe that everything will work out."

As I turned to God in prayer, I felt a great sense of peace wash over me. My mind was calmed. I again felt that everything would be okay. I was also reminded that someone recently counseled me to hand my fears over to God and let my faith push out my fear.

How grateful I am that is possible - and that I got to experience it again last night!

In the words of President Thomas S. Monson: “My beloved brothers and sisters, fear not. Be of good cheer. The future is as bright as your faith.” (PS the whole article this was quoted in is worth a read)

Learning about myself

I love to do jigsaw puzzles. I've pretty much always loved them, and I'm pretty good at them. In fact, when we got to decide on a class group activity in first-grade I decided to bring puzzles. One of the reasons I like puzzles is because they are a challenge, can involve many people, but are not inherently competitive in nature. There are no individual winners - every one can work together towards a desired end.

The quote of the day on my to-do list the other day made me realize another reason I like puzzles:

"A good puzzle, it's a fair thing. Nobody is lying. It's very clear, and the problem depends just on you." - Erno Rubik

That last phrase: "the problem depends just on you."

I don't think I have realized how deeply I desire to take care of things on my own. I think being self-sufficient is a good goal. I also think it can be carried to an unhealthy extreme. Time to do some pondering about where on that spectrum I am right now :)