Listen to an Expert

"You should always listen to an expert when you have the chance."

These are wise words, but when I heard the father share this great advice with his son it filled me with a bit of fear.

Let me paint the scene.

I work for a drop-in craft store. This means people come in with their children or grandchildren or children they nanny for and spend some time in the store crafting together. This ranges from painting a birdhouse to sewing a finger puppet, from needle felting to wet soap felting.

On this day, the family that came in wanted to wet soap felt. That's great. A fun, sensory activity that takes a bit of time but not a lot of skill so it is good for a wide age range.

My level of soap felting: Observer.

Who was the expert the father was telling his son to listen to? Me.

With a smile to hide my inner wide-eyed, "Expert? Who me? Oh no, now what do I do?" response I shared my limited knowledge and tried to remember everything I had observed the one time I had seen someone else help someone with a wet soap felting project.

This experience brought to mind a conversation I had with one of our workshop teachers. He expressed a similar sentiment:

"How did I get to be the expert?"

In his case, it was through significant time spent needle felting. He now has knowledge and skill that most of us do not. And he can use the things he has learned through time and trial and error to help others make creations of their own.

My qualification was being hired. And I suppose it was, and is, also my willingness to figure things out. And when I don't know, or things don't go so well, to seek those with more knowledge than I have so I can gain additional knowledge.

What have I done since then?

• Watched a bunch of videos about soap felting
• Observed my bosses assist and teach a birthday party full of children wet soap felt
• Helped several more families with this project

Last week while working with my manager, she said, "You seem to be a wet soap felting magnet" when a mother and daughter decided that was the craft they wanted to do.

Apparently more people ask to wet soap felt when I'm around than when my manager works alone. Fascinating. It is true that I often recommend it now. As I've grown in my ability to teach and support those who are wet soap felting, I feel more excited to help them with this fun and useful project.

Something I'm learning is that we need to get comfortable on both ends - willing to listen to and proactively seek out experts to help us get better AND to be an expert and teach and help others. Maybe particularly when we don't actually feel like an expert.

Often we know more and are capable of more than we realize. And many times the best way to learn something is to teach it. 

Speaks To My Soul: Brighter Days by Eddie Kirkland

Sometimes nearly an entire song speaks to me (as with Doin’ Fine). Other times it is a couple of words or phrases that get me (or that I fully get?)

Life's not easy, when you live with
Your heart open wide

So, I want to live with my heart open, and I agree with Lauren Alaina that it’s better that way. 

But that doesn’t make it easy.

Not easy to do (especially after getting so good at keeping my heart closed or at least hidden behind walls of self-protection).

Not easy to feel all the pain and rejection that can come to a wide-open heart.

But I still want it. And I second what Eddie Kirkland sings:

Don't let me walk away

And I remind myself:

No, pain is not the enemy
I'm just learning how to change

Change can be just as hard and painful as living with your heart wide open. But I feel certain both of them are worth it – and far better than any alternative.

Learning from Awesome People: Clayton Christensen

“Why do I have to have another angel on my side?”

Focus, Life of Dillon

Losing people is hard.

Last weekend I went to the funeral for Clayton Christensen, well known in my Church community and the Business world for his ability to never lose sight of the individual while seeking to understand the big picture.

My personal interactions with this great man were fleeting – ones he may not even remember. But he was someone I’ve long admired from afar and relished my minor interactions with – from listening to him speak while he served as a regional leader in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints while I was in grad school in Boston, to speaking to him for a moment when he visited his daughter while we both lived in NYC.

Again from afar, I’ve also admired his resilience in the face of numerous health challenges he and his family faced with faith and fortitude over more than a decade.

Sitting at his funeral, I was reminded of the influence one person can have. I found myself thinking about what I want to do in my life, the way I want others to remember me.

I was inspired by a quote shared on the program:

“When I have my interview with God, our conversation will focus on the individuals whose self-esteem I was able to strengthen, whose faith I was able to reinforce, and whose discomfort I was able to assuage. The only metrics that will truly matter to my life are the individuals whom I have been able to help, one by one, to become better people.”

            -Clay Christensen

The room I sat in was full of people who had been helped in one way or another (and in most cases, in many ways) by this incredible man.

Even more than how I want others to “remember me” being at this funeral made me think about how I want each person I interact with to know that I love them because God loves them. I want to be a conduit of God’s love to every person I come in contact with.

The final speaker at the funeral was President Henry B. Eyring and he told us that the advice he received was to let the family share insight into the life and greatness of this wonderful man, because they could do it better than he could. Instead, he should tell us where Clay is now. That there really is life after death.

I believe both those things – that the family shared more eloquently than I ever could about the power of Clayton Christensen’s life, and that there is life after this one.

With that in mind, below are the highlights from the notes I took during the funeral, paraphrased, but still the words of Clay’s wonderful children who I respect and admire greatly as well.

 ----------------------------------

• Get along with, value, and appreciate the differences in others
• Uncompelled Humility
• “Anomalies wanted”
• Be truly and deeply interested in learning about people - if so, you two will have something in common
• People learn when they are ready to learn, not when you are ready to teach
• Servant of the individual
• Don’t just serve reactively, do so proactively
• Got his head back on straight by raising his hand reflexively for every service opportunity
• Let others feel that you really, really care about others
• Emanate the ethos to come as you are
• Be the best at living up to the privilege to be who you are
• “It could be a wonderful adventure or it could be a high stakes disaster - but if you go, I’ll pray for you.”
• It would have been easier if he just told me what to do but I’m grateful he equipped me with both spiritual and logical tools
• Serve and give and buoy people up until your wheels fall off
• Write it all down - others will appreciate it later
• Take a borderless approach to teaching
• If a principle is true and a theory is good it shouldn’t be constrained to one part of the universe
• Present life must reflect what you’re trying to teach
• What can I do to make the job better for  _______? How can I best support ______ in her next step of personal and professional development
• Use first-person pronouns and present tense verbs
• Teach lessons through constant actions
• Pray that others will feel God’s love through you 
• This changes how you see those around you.
• More important to ask good questions than have good answers
• Children are meant to be able to follow the example of their parents
• Work ethic was part of his fingerprint
• In what He gives us and in what He takes away God blesses us. 
• Act in a way that is true to the principles you learn
• Laugh at your quirks, but talk about things that matter most
• Serving others brings more goodness into your life than you know
• Use your work as a vehicle to help as many people as you can
• “I’m fine, but the world has lots of problems & we’re not solving them in here”
• See the best in people and be unfailingly forgiving of their faults.
• My dad got most of the credit, but everything he did was a team effort
• Look out for each other and those who are not here
• Thoughtfully and prayerfully determine what your purpose in life is and organize your time accordingly
• Strengthen your faith until you can serve others with love
• Speak to the one, let others listen in as they choose.
• It’s sweet to look back, but look forward - remember where people are now
• He’s as busy there as he was here
• The Holy Ghost will help you with the nostalgia and loss, but he also will help you know where he is now
• “You know he [Clay] will talk to everyone and he won’t be discouraged”
• Joy in knowing who we really are, I hope you feel joy
• [The spirit world] is not some drifty place, it’s real, they are busy

Speaks To My Soul Series: Doin’ Fine by Lauren Alaina

Some songs are about timing. 

I first remember hearing this song when I was living with a family whose daughter had a brain tumor. 

With that as my personal background, I was at church and one of the men in my ward shared some of his feelings – that he was not really okay, but that he kept telling people he was fine.

Why? Because it was the socially acceptable thing to say.

Given my circumstances, I had been doing the exact same thing. “How are you?” Quick smile, hide any pain, “Fine.” And move on.

So, I emailed him. I told him, “You are not alone in not wanting to tell others when you are having a hard time or a crummy day”

Then I heard this song. It might not have been the first time I heard it, but it was the first time that the lyrics jumped out and spoke to my soul. These ones specifically:

Thanks for asking how I've been
I've gotten too good at hiding it within

…..

I'm doing fine enough to know that everyone's a little broken
Fine enough to learn that hearts are best when they're wide open
I still got fear inside of me
I'm not okay but I'm gonna be alright

……..

I blamed God, I blamed myself
Then I fell on my knees and prayed like hell
It's funny how a touch of grace gives you healing
Yeah, I'm healing

I'm doing fine enough to know that everyone's a little broken
Fine enough to learn that hearts are best when they're wide open
I still got fear inside of me
I'm not okay, but I'm gonna be alright
For the first time in a long time I'm doing fine
…….

Oh, these growing pains, well I wish they'd go away
But I guess you can't be free without a fight

-        Doin’ Fine by Lauren Alaina

My goal is to be more real with people. I want to be more willing to say how I feel rather than feel trapped by what “others” [side note, who are they anyway?] think I should say, or not say.

And I also want to reaffirm to myself, and anyone who needs it, we don’t have to be okay to be alright. And what we are going through now is going to make us into the person we are becoming.

Knowing “everyone’s a little broken” can give us the courage to open up. To remember that “hearts are best when they’re wide open” and take a chance, open your heart. 

You just might find healing for you and, if you’re really lucky, help bring healing to someone else.