Wicked

Yesterday while we were cleaning our house my roommate and I were blasting the soundtrack to Wicked the Broadway musical. Now, I have to confess, I have never seen the production (though I hope to change that someday!) but I love the music. Thus, the following comments have only the perspective of the song and not the whole script.

One song starts: "No good deed goes unpunished No act of charity goes unresented" Elphaba, the wicked witch, is contemplating how her good intentions have not worked out the way she wanted and have resulted in misunderstanding and resentment from others.

Towards the middle of the song Elphaba asks a profound and self-searching question: "One question haunts and hurts, too much, too much to mention: Was I really seeking good or just seeking attention? Is that all good deeds are when looked at with an ice-cold eye?"

I have had to answer the "am I really seeking good or just attention" question on multiple occasions in my life. Sometimes the answer is, yes, I really wanted to do good, to make life a little easier for someone. Other times the painful truth is I just wanted someone to notice me, or to say "oh how wonderful you are!"

When I can answer that I was seeking good, I feel peace - even if others misconstrue my intent. That inner peace does not however mean I don't feel pain that others misunderstand, but it does mean I can move forward and keep seeking to do good and avoid just seeking attention despite the opinions of others.

As I listened to these words yesterday and thought about them, I realized that Jesus Christ warned against the threat of seeking attention for good deeds. When he was giving the Sermon on the Mount he cautioned:

"Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven. Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth: That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly." (Matthew 6:1-4)

Back to the song - Elphaba's response to her own question made me sad: "If that's all good deeds are, maybe that's the reason why No good deed goes unpunished. All helpful urges should be circumvented. No good deed goes unpunished. Sure, I meant well Well, look at what well-meant did. All right, enough - so be it! Let all Oz be agreed: I'm wicked through and through" she ends the song saying: "I promise no good deed will I attempt to do again, ever again"

I want to make a different promise: I promise I will continue to attempt to do good deeds, even if others view them with an ice cold eye. I will continue to attempt to do good deeds especially when they seem to go unnoticed. I will continue to attempt to do good deeds even when I feel my good deeds are not making a difference. And, I promise to keep asking myself if I am seeking good, or seeking attention - and when I'm seeking attention to adjust my intentions and actions.