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We all say things that are taken in a way we didn't mean.
We also all say things without having any idea the impact they will have.
This happened to me last Saturday night. I was in a place I knew was good to be - listening to an apostle of Jesus Christ give advice and share wisdom and life experience with a room full of people eager to hear his words - and more importantly council from our Heavenly Father.
It was a beautiful evening full of gems that I recorded and am grateful to have been present for.
In the closing minutes came a phrase that is still ringing in my ears and making my heart hurt a bit:
"Ladies put on some lipstick and smile."
What did he mean by that phrase? I don't know.
What did it mean for me? Being transported back to my 19-year-old self in a vulnerable moment.
I was on the way to the bank with one of my college friends who kindly agreed to take me to deposit my work-study paycheck (yep, pre-direct deposit AND pre-bank apps allowing you to upload photos of checks to deposit them). In fairness, I don't remember the context of our conversation, but I do remember what he told me (or what my head and heart heard): "You'll never get married because you don't wear make-up, you don't like dogs, and you can't eat chocolate."
My brain and heart believed those words. "He's right," I thought to myself.
While most of the time I no longer believe those words, they have had a long-lasting impact on me.
And the reality is that nothing in my life has proven them wrong. I've never been someone that guys seek after. I've heard and thought over a million reasons why, and the no make-up factor has come up more than once both externally and internally.
Also, let me give some context - the first time I wore make-up was in fourth grade when I was in a play at school. Make-up made me someone I wasn't. And that trend continued through high school as I continued to participate in stage performances. In addition to wearing make-up for performances, a few times friends really wanted to give me a makeover - and the same thing, it made me feel like someone other people wanted me to be.
Besides, make-up is expensive. And it takes precious time (which is limited!) that I'd rather put into other things.
But, there are times when I worry - "Is this the reason guys don't ask me out? If I did wear make-up would that change things?" And one of the most difficult thoughts for me personally is this one: people will sometimes say "You're doing everything you can/should." and my mind tells me, "No I'm not, I don't wear make-up."
So, an apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ says, "Ladies put on some lipstick and smile," and I groan and involuntarily throw my head back.
My 19-year-old self is back, believing that I'll never get married and part of the reason is because of something I could change.
This is not a plea for people to tell me I'm beautiful, or don't need make-up, or should wear make-up. It's just an experience - and a reminder to me, and to others, that people have "sorrow that the eye can't see" (Lord, I Would Follow Thee) and sometimes things we say hit those nerves. It's a reminder to be more kind to ourselves and to those around us. That the things we say matter - they affect people in ways we often do not know, both for good and bad.
Oh, and a song I was listening to today brought all these thoughts and feelings together and gave me the courage to write this post:
We also all say things without having any idea the impact they will have.
This happened to me last Saturday night. I was in a place I knew was good to be - listening to an apostle of Jesus Christ give advice and share wisdom and life experience with a room full of people eager to hear his words - and more importantly council from our Heavenly Father.
It was a beautiful evening full of gems that I recorded and am grateful to have been present for.
In the closing minutes came a phrase that is still ringing in my ears and making my heart hurt a bit:
"Ladies put on some lipstick and smile."
What did he mean by that phrase? I don't know.
What did it mean for me? Being transported back to my 19-year-old self in a vulnerable moment.
I was on the way to the bank with one of my college friends who kindly agreed to take me to deposit my work-study paycheck (yep, pre-direct deposit AND pre-bank apps allowing you to upload photos of checks to deposit them). In fairness, I don't remember the context of our conversation, but I do remember what he told me (or what my head and heart heard): "You'll never get married because you don't wear make-up, you don't like dogs, and you can't eat chocolate."
My brain and heart believed those words. "He's right," I thought to myself.
While most of the time I no longer believe those words, they have had a long-lasting impact on me.
And the reality is that nothing in my life has proven them wrong. I've never been someone that guys seek after. I've heard and thought over a million reasons why, and the no make-up factor has come up more than once both externally and internally.
Also, let me give some context - the first time I wore make-up was in fourth grade when I was in a play at school. Make-up made me someone I wasn't. And that trend continued through high school as I continued to participate in stage performances. In addition to wearing make-up for performances, a few times friends really wanted to give me a makeover - and the same thing, it made me feel like someone other people wanted me to be.
Besides, make-up is expensive. And it takes precious time (which is limited!) that I'd rather put into other things.
But, there are times when I worry - "Is this the reason guys don't ask me out? If I did wear make-up would that change things?" And one of the most difficult thoughts for me personally is this one: people will sometimes say "You're doing everything you can/should." and my mind tells me, "No I'm not, I don't wear make-up."
So, an apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ says, "Ladies put on some lipstick and smile," and I groan and involuntarily throw my head back.
My 19-year-old self is back, believing that I'll never get married and part of the reason is because of something I could change.
This is not a plea for people to tell me I'm beautiful, or don't need make-up, or should wear make-up. It's just an experience - and a reminder to me, and to others, that people have "sorrow that the eye can't see" (Lord, I Would Follow Thee) and sometimes things we say hit those nerves. It's a reminder to be more kind to ourselves and to those around us. That the things we say matter - they affect people in ways we often do not know, both for good and bad.
Oh, and a song I was listening to today brought all these thoughts and feelings together and gave me the courage to write this post:
"Make-up hides her face
'Cause she feels out of place
She cries
Come on someone tell this girl she's beautiful
We don't gotta run, we don't gotta hide
When someone needs somebody
We don't need to say, we don't got the time"
-The Vision of Love, Kris Allen
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