Emotion

Crying at work is never a good thing, for a variety of reasons.

I did today.

And not the sniffle a few times kinda way. The shoulders shaking, eyes squeezed closed, tears pouring down your cheeks, have to blow your nose a few times kinda way.

So when I walked out of the office into the pouring rain, it seemed fitting.

I'm not happy about, or proud of the situation I was in today. But, it reminded me of something a friend recently told me: "I'd rather feel, and feel pain, than nothing at all."

Lately I've been learning that I care. A lot. Maybe too much for my own ultimate good...Basically, I'm learning that my perspectives and the energy I expend are a little off. Time for some adjustments.

My boss told me that I should never let myself get to the place I did today again. Ironically, I made that promise to myself a few years ago. I hope I learned from this situation. There are a number of things I need to figure out. And, it seems to me that acknowledging that I need to is a step in the right direction. A song lyric comes to mind:

"No one can fill those of your needs you don't let show."

I suppose that applies even to helping ourselves.

She also reminded me that I am more in control at any given time than I may think. As I thought about this on the way home I realized that taking control is very powerful. As we actively make change (just another way to say "take control") we are empowering ourselves.

I do have control. I choose what I do. I choose how I react. I choose whether or not I suffer in silence.

And right now I choose to put this all aside, and do something I love, something that brings peace to my soul.